Japanese loved one not taking your side.

16 comments

1. Why does this post sound like your searching for plaintiffs for a class action suit against Japanese people?

2. My husband often takes my side except when I’m wrong and even then I don’t feel like he’s “against me” because he doesn’t focus on the fact that I’m wrong but instead on how to help me understand. I do the same. We don’t act condescending to each other and respect each other’s way of thinking, even if it’s wrong.

3. I stopped talking about my work with my Japanese wife because I cannot get the empathy or understanding I hope for.
   On the other hand I try to discuss the issue she talks about from her work objectively and try to help. /shrug

   Luckily I have a few good colleagues where I can vent.

4. People in general are defensive. I might argue Japanese people are more defensive about Japan than, e.g. a British person might be about Britain, but such defensiveness is not uncommon.

   In my experience, where I’m complaining about or criticising something in a generalised way, my Japanese friends might get defensive. If I’m complaining about a specific interaction with a specific person/company, they are usually all ears.

5. Happens alot idk why but they kind of support japanese more if it’s a japanese vs foreigner situation.

6. Why are you asking? What did you do wrong?

7. It’s more of the majority like the status quo and trust the system. So if you complain about the system, you’d probably face resistance. If you complain about other personal things, you should be fine. Generally speaking of course. There are tons of exceptions.

   In many other countries, complaining about the system is how people bond.

8. Usually my Japanese bf doesn’t take my side or makes excuses for other people but he will still feel sad that I’m going through something. I think it seems that I’m not reflecting on my actions and I need to think of the other persons’ perspective but it’s not comforting at all.

9. I’d say my husband takes my side 9/10, but I don’t really get myself into a lot of trouble. Even if he doesn’t have a ton to say, if I’m complaining about work, friends, or family, he usually will agree with my side

10. I had the opposite where more than half the students quit the eikaiwa school I was working at after I got unfairly fired. They even went as far as to find a space for me to continue teaching them. Amazing people.

11. If you are wrong you’re wrong. Why do you expect someone to take your side blindingly.

    I’ve experienced this myself, as the admin of the apartment I used to live in was racist.

    If it is a loved one, racism is not part of it. So it could be that she really thinks the other side is more reasonable

12. Surprisingly I do have someone who understands and listens from Japanese person. I think it depends who tbh

13. Someone who loves you won’t take your side and will tell you how she he feels and another point of view. That’s a healthy relationship. Taking your side just because is not good for it. Japanese or not

14. No

15. No more than any other national would.

    Some people find it a bit of a culture shock here and tend to “other” their hosts. I get it, sure, but at the end of the day, people will agree/disagree regardless of what flag theyre brandishing.

16. My husband most often takes my side. However most Japanese don’t like to complain or hear complaining unlike in the US where it’s akin to a national sport lol. When I do complain, my husband will think it’s just me trying to make excuses or that I’m dwelling too much on it since it’s already in the past and shoganai. Usually in cases where I do wanna vent, I preface that I’m going to complain and I just want him to listen, which he will respect. The adversity to venting though, I think is also why many Japanese have the issue of bottling up their emotions and then just going crazy with rage over the littlest thing.