I got a p/t English job through my wife’s connections. I was going to break it and go back home but she says if I do that she would suffer such damage to her reputation she’d have to quit her own job. Is she FOS and manipulating me as usual?
Do you really care if you’re planning to leave her in Japan and go home?
Universal rule: think about yourself first. The rest after, according to your priorities.
Sounds like she’s exaggerating(having to quit her own place would be excessive), but it is probably true that she would suffer some reputational damage, depending on how connected she is in the industry
That would be embarrassing to her but if she introduced you, isn’t her job as disposable as yours?
Depends if you have a 仕方ない enough reason for leaving…family emergency should be no problem.
Arrange for some other gaijin to take over your job should put you fully in the clear.
Breaking a contract is not that uncommon. Just make sure it is done properly: apologise and give a good reason. Don’t worry about how that will affect someone else’s reputation. It’s your life.
If you think that your wife is manipulating you into staying at the job, and it is not the first time that you feel manipulated, it may be prudent to to assess your relationship with her.
Depending on her connection to the job/industry and or how much social currency she used to get you the job, quitting abruptly could very much have negative effects on her professional/social reputation. To the point that she’d have to quit her job seems extreme, but is not out of the realm of possibility.
You are a disgrace. You couldn’t get a job on your own – you had to rely on your wife calling in favours for you to find employment. And now that you have the job, you are going to break your contract. All you are concerned about is whether your wife is “manipulating me as usual”.
The self-centredness, entitlement and uselessness on display here is nothing short of phenomenal. Your wife’s reputation will definitely suffer. She had to beg someone to give you a job, and she likely made representations that you would be good at it, reliable, responsible, suitable etc. All of that is now just hogwash since you want to just up and leave in the middle of the contract. Your wife will lose all credibility and the community she lives in will once again have it reconfirmed for them that foreigners are inconsiderate and irresponsible. If you do not understand any of this, you do not understand Japanese society at all, and if she is Japanese, it is probably for the best that you are leaving your wife. She deserves better.
This sounds like a really healthy relationship on the path to many long years of happiness.
But seriously, she might not HAVE to quit, but she might feel like she has to out of embarrassment / shame, who knows? Three sentences doesn’t give a lot of context.
What kind of strings did she have to pull? Did you even try to find a job yourself? Why do you automatically assume she is manipulating you? Why are you breaking contract?
And for fun, Are you planning to leave her as well as the job? Why are you two even together?
She obviously doesn’t -have- to quit her job but it may -feel- that way to her. She will likely now be known by her colleagues as the woman with the deadbeat foreign husband who she pulled strings and put her neck out for to get a job and he couldn’t even hold that down for any length of time, quit and left them all in a lurch, and not only that but then left her and the country. It will likely be extremely embarrassing for her and even if it’s all in her head could drive a lot of people into quitting because that image is not going away.
10 comments
Do you really care if you’re planning to leave her in Japan and go home?
Universal rule: think about yourself first.
The rest after, according to your priorities.
Sounds like she’s exaggerating(having to quit her own place would be excessive), but it is probably true that she would suffer some reputational damage, depending on how connected she is in the industry
That would be embarrassing to her but if she introduced you, isn’t her job as disposable as yours?
Depends if you have a 仕方ない enough reason for leaving…family emergency should be no problem.
Arrange for some other gaijin to take over your job should put you fully in the clear.
Breaking a contract is not that uncommon. Just make sure it is done properly: apologise and give a good reason. Don’t worry about how that will affect someone else’s reputation. It’s your life.
If you think that your wife is manipulating you into staying at the job, and it is not the first time that you feel manipulated, it may be prudent to to assess your relationship with her.
Depending on her connection to the job/industry and or how much social currency she used to get you the job, quitting abruptly could very much have negative effects on her professional/social reputation. To the point that she’d have to quit her job seems extreme, but is not out of the realm of possibility.
You are a disgrace. You couldn’t get a job on your own – you had to rely on your wife calling in favours for you to find employment. And now that you have the job, you are going to break your contract. All you are concerned about is whether your wife is “manipulating me as usual”.
The self-centredness, entitlement and uselessness on display here is nothing short of phenomenal. Your wife’s reputation will definitely suffer. She had to beg someone to give you a job, and she likely made representations that you would be good at it, reliable, responsible, suitable etc. All of that is now just hogwash since you want to just up and leave in the middle of the contract. Your wife will lose all credibility and the community she lives in will once again have it reconfirmed for them that foreigners are inconsiderate and irresponsible. If you do not understand any of this, you do not understand Japanese society at all, and if she is Japanese, it is probably for the best that you are leaving your wife. She deserves better.
This sounds like a really healthy relationship on the path to many long years of happiness.
But seriously, she might not HAVE to quit, but she might feel like she has to out of embarrassment / shame, who knows? Three sentences doesn’t give a lot of context.
What kind of strings did she have to pull?
Did you even try to find a job yourself?
Why do you automatically assume she is manipulating you?
Why are you breaking contract?
And for fun,
Are you planning to leave her as well as the job?
Why are you two even together?
She obviously doesn’t -have- to quit her job but it may -feel- that way to her. She will likely now be known by her colleagues as the woman with the deadbeat foreign husband who she pulled strings and put her neck out for to get a job and he couldn’t even hold that down for any length of time, quit and left them all in a lurch, and not only that but then left her and the country. It will likely be extremely embarrassing for her and even if it’s all in her head could drive a lot of people into quitting because that image is not going away.