So I have lived in Japan for a while now and before I got here I had heard it all, all tho I don’t like to judge people off stereotypes I can’t help to find myself considering these things most days right now.
I have dated multiple women while living here (not iust japanese women) and as I’m still in my early 20s I don’t think I will be getting married anytime soon. But I have heard from not only internet but also friends. Japanese and non japanese with a wife how sex dries up after marriage or children. Now I understand that libido changes over the years no matter where you are from, and is never the exact same way if you aren’t extremely lucky. Personally i have a pretty high drive and I don’t think I could be with someone that would be okay to not have sex for days let alone weeks or months. (Understandable however if they are sick or have given birth ofcourse.)
But I have also heard about people who do have a healthy sex life after marriage and kids, so I guess I’m just curious how I end up in that category and not the divorced and sex starved husband. So I’m really just questioning how do you avoid it, I know communication is important but I personally know and have heard how the sex will be great at first and it’s only later she shows her true self. Even when the guy mentions sexual frequency and the importance of it.
So if communication and a good sexual relationship is great at the dating stage but then it all changes because of her viewing things differently. How are you supposed to find someone that won’t turn in to the stereotypes that I so often seem to run in to right now? Especially after I talked to two slightly older japanese guy (both married) friends of mine who in a rather drunk state mentioned that the only way to keep having sex after marriage is to simply “take it”. I felt rather disgusted at this comment and mindset but it also got me thinking, are all marriages that still have frequent sex that way in Japan behind closed doors? I hope not because I would never be able to do that to someone I love.
I think It would be naive to claim all japanese women will have the same relationship after marriage as the above mentioned. But I really don’t know how you avoid the ones that will become that, and is there something the men do in these relationships that increase the dead bedroom? Maybe it’s not the fault of the wife but rather the husband? Maybe both?
Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated including from women who date japanese men. maybe you have some insight I as a guy is missing out on.
5 comments
Japan’s divorce rates are fairly low. There’s still a taboo around it, especially for women. It’s not as pronounced as it was historically. Think it’s less of a sex problem and more of people settling into a dysfunctional, unhappy marriage rather than divorcing and finding a better match.
Hate to disappoint you, but it depends on the couple.
Some couples have kids and commit to those roles in a way where sex becomes a lower priority.
Some couples don’t have kids and have reduced frequency because they have other things happening or because cuddling is enough.
Some couple don’t have kids and continue thriving sex life.
Some couples have kids and keep on having kids….
It will depend on you, your partner, and how you mature together.
Just look at birthrate statistics. Thats all you need to know
Don’t forget all the additional work that is often put on women. From the physical work of house chores and childcare to the mental work of planning and organizing and also maintaining social connections like keeping in touch remembering family (immediate and extended) birthdays and organizing presents.
Far to often guys don’t even consider this things and their wife just never really gets any downtime to unwind. That just kills the sex drive.
Japan has quite strong gender roles and I’m sure this plays into it.
Well, there are different kinds of people. It is not uncommon to find that many Japanese women are a bit more passive or shy (maybe more ashamed?) about letting their sexual drive be uninhibited. This frustration may end up resulting a form of suppression and over time even lower their drive. Some women are much more open with their sexuality. Some people just have a low sex drive.
My only advice to you is that since you seem like a sexual person, to try to find a partner who is equally or even more sexual than you. In that case, even if you have kids, have to pay the bills, etc., it will likely remain a priority in their life (barring hormonal changes). Take care of yourself physically and support your wife emotionally and help her reduce her stress, and you’ll probably be fine. Think about it, the man who said “take it” obviously does not support his wife’s needs, likely behaves selfishly, is a source of stress in her life, and thus…his wife has lost attraction to him. Don’t be that guy.