I’ve been living in Japan on three occasions for a total of 20 or so months, and as I am getting more integrated into my environment, I keep running into issues about Enryo and Hairyo. I looked up the translations for these, but I feel the English translations of “Showing reserve” and “Consideration” fall short. These words are way to intertwined with Japanese culture, it seems.
So my question, is can anyone here offer some advice to understand and practice / show these manners? Or, maybe you could share a story where these played a role.
I think a lot of people could benefit from hearing your experiences and understandings.
Thank you!
3 comments
Don’t overthink it. Just be a normal person with normal manners and you’ll be fine.
I was dating with someone who had extreme trouble with getting cold easily. When she came over, I was trying my best to be **thoughtful** and make sure to turn up the heat, give her all my blankets and stuff since I was already burning up anyway. She sneaked out early in the morning and when I asked if there was a problem, she said she couldn’t sleep all night and ended up with a cold. I guess she **refrained** from waking me up because she was definitely still nervous around me. I decided to do the polite thing because I felt for her and apologized for not being **considerate** enough, but we both realized it just wasn’t going to work out if there was already such a huge difference from the get-go.
So just to give a few examples, thoughtfulness/consideration for 配慮 and refrain for 遠慮 work perfectly well I feel.
When at a party and there’s the last piece of food on the plate I Enryo myself to not look like I ate and finished all of it in front of my companions. But when everyone leave the table I eat the last piece cause I want to be Hairyo to my wallet cause I payed for that shit.