TLDR My daughter and I are safely away from the home on a long weekend adventure. Wife does not know that I know and it gives me an excuse to be away for a few days to strategize and plan for the future. Since before we were married my wife has been carrying on a separate affair trying to extort money from me. I have the entire conversation of all the plans and about her and her paramore making jokes about me financing their lives. I just found out but had my suspicions that something was not right.
My wife is a SOFA member in the United States military and I am a civilian not on SOFA. We have a child together that I just got back the DNA results last week and she is confirmed my child. We dated a few years ago in high school then broke up and went our separate ways and when we found out she was getting stationed in Japan decided to rekindle the relationship and got married. I was already in Japan at that point. I was supposed to be a JET but I got lucky and found a really good paying job here that I can work anywhere with Internet access. My visa is not SOFA. We have an amazing baby who is confirmed mine. I was always suspicious something was off especially when it came to household finances which she hid and would not share with me. She took charge of everything and especially the past few months just complained about rising prices. Now I know she’s been giving thousands of dollars to someone else. Also she’s making me pay for the house and utilities when she gets money from the military for it.
I have just finished going and making sure that she cannot file for divorce behind my back. I want all the financials exposed. I want my money back. I do not want to ever be alone with her again. I also want sole custody of our child with supervised visitation rites.
Any advice that you can give will be greatly appreciated.
Update 1: Since we both live offbase and got married in Japan, is there any Japanese law for marriage under false pretenses? Or scams?
11 comments
IANAL but you need a lawyer
You’re a dependent, you definitely have rights and need to keep documenting everything.
Start with your Airman & Family Readiness Center. They can help you directly, or get you in touch with your Key Spouse if you have one. Also look up your base’s Family Advocacy program – you have access to *confidential non-medical couseling* recommend talking to a counselor and they can get you started with legal if needed!
https://www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help/non-medical-counseling/military-onesource/understanding-confidential-non-medical-counseling-services/
You need to be contacting a lawyer or some sort of legal help on your military base.
Additionally if you have proof of the affair she can be punished under the ucmj, and you likely have a good case to recover some of the money she was scamming; you and your daughter rate a certain minimum as her dependents
If she is indeed under SOFA, then she is legally under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ), which is U.S. law.
SOFA have no actual visa status in Japan, they fall under U.S. law unless they do something terrible to a Japanese citizen etc, then it’s a case by case whether they’re handed over to Japanese authorities or punished by the American justice system… but that’s going down a rabbit hole.
Since she is under U.S. law and jurisdiction, you need to contact the relevant U.S. military or civilian investigative service.
But before all that, you need to determine if what she’s done is actually a crime or a civil matter.
You may even need to consult with a U.S. lawyer… there are lawyers in Japan who are registered U.S. lawyers as well. But I couldn’t recommend any.
If you have base access, there’s definitely a legal office there you can ask.
I know you’re just venting but..
> I have just finished going and making sure that she cannot file for divorce behind my back. I want all the financials exposed. I want my money back. I do not want to ever be alone with her again. I also want sole custody of our child with supervised visitation rites.
> Any advice that you can give will be greatly appreciated.
I don’t think any redditor can really offer real advice other than get in touch with a lawyer. If you are married with her, and if you are on her orders, I’m pretty sure you qualify as SOFA. And you are her dependent , and you have a dependent military ID right? Then you should go to the base legal and get this all square away.
If you have solid proof she could get in trouble with her military command as well.
If your wife is military, having an affair is a violation of the UCMJ, and she can get in a lot of trouble, and that’s not even discussing fraternization charges if her lover is a different rank.
Get a lawyer and contact her C.O. and provide evidence of EVERYTHING. If she’s scamming you AND having an affair, she can kiss her military career goodbye.
Tl;dr your wife is royally fucked; just report her to the C.O. (don’t bother going through her normal chain of command; a lot of service members are aware of affairs but keep it on the down low). Trust me; I’m a Navy veteran and I know damn well they don’t put up with that shit.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Just FYSA, don’t expect a lot of traction concerning the infidelity and the UCMJ coming down hard. Just too difficult for the military to prove this in a court of law. It’s a violation, 100%, just not one that’s usually prosecutable.
You don’t want to deal with Japanese law. You want to deal with UCMJ and US law here. You will first want to contact the base Judge Advocate General (JAG) on base and explain the situation and get advice. Email should work fine, you should get a fairly prompt reply.
First of all, adultery is against the UCMJ, and if you have evidence she can be investigated and punished under UCMJ for this. She is also defrauding the government, using her utilities allowance for god knows what, while making you pay. She is in line for quite an awakening when her command gets wind of this.
FYI if you really want to fck with her, call her commander directly and the commander is legally obligated to initiate an investigation (but I’d still recommend contacting legal first)
Since you’re overseas I’m not as familiar with how divorce proceedings would go, so def get some advice from the military legal team on what will be dealt with through UCMJ and what will be done through the legal system.
> I have the entire conversation of all the plans and about her and her **paramore**
Sounds like you’re having… ♪ Hard Times ♪
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
(it’s paramour)
Adultry is punishable under UCMJ contact her commander and explain the situation or a defense attorney or both. The commander can suspend her to on base activities immediately (they will provide her a place to stay on base and monitor her). The FRG can also help you. As far as off base is concerned I can’t help you that’s a strange situation and would probably need a lawyer.
https://militarylawcenter.com/military-law-areas-of-practice/military-adultery-defense-attorney/#:~:text=Maximum%20Punishment%20Under%20UCMJ%20Article,for%20up%20to%201%20year.