It all started back in 1999 when I joined the United States Air Force and was stationed in Japan. Young and adventurous, I was ready to experience all that the world had to offer. But little did I know, my life was about to take a dark turn.
In 2003, I married a local Japanese woman, and we had two lovely children. Little did I know that I would end up marrying a scam artist and navigating a tumultuous journey through divorce and harassment. I found out about my wife’s scams in 2008 and tried to get a divorce. However, she threatened to keep me from seeing my children if I did so, a common tactic used by a group of Japanese women who target foreign men and see them as a financial ticket. In the best interest of my children, I stayed in the marriage and lived separate lives under the same roof.
Fast forward to March of 2020, my wife’s erratic behavior reached a boiling point. She became Covid crazy, and she tried to prevent me from going to work and even called my employer told them they were killing me and my family. This led to a 3-week administrative leave. I knew it was time for a divorce and I finally took over my finances. I found out I had debt in my name that I had no knowledge of. To make matters worse, I discovered that, since 2016 I had been paying for a life insurance policy, through Meiji Yasuda Seimei, that I had no knowledge of and upon cancelation of this policy all the money went straight to my wife’s account and all records of it disappeared.
In December 2020, I finally mustered up the courage to file for divorce. But my wife was determined to make my life a living hell. She made false claims of spousal and child abuse to my former employer and got me fired in March of 2021. She even got a Kanagawa Police detective, her childhood friend, to try and find me. When I finally agreed to meet with the detective, I was subjected to a one-sided interrogation where I was asked to sign prewritten false statements. I refused to write any false statements and was let go on the assumption that I would be leaving Japan soon.
However, the drama didn’t end there. My wife continued to stalk me and even had her detective friend follow me. This led me to seek the help of an immigration lawyer who also helped me regain my visa under my own name and navigate the divorce proceedings.
Fast forward to today and she is still trying to get money that I don’t have out of me. It was found out in the trial that she got 300 man yen from the Insurance Policy and she has saved over 2000 man of my hard earned money. She is refusing to divulge her assets and the courts are biased as I am not Japanese and are not forcing her to. Turns out the court system is racist too. Her lawyer wants to know my current salary and company name. I am refusing to provide this information as I fear that she will strike again and do all that she can to get me fired. I am still not divorced and am still going through this nightmare.
Looking back at my continuing journey in Japan, I never could have imagined the rollercoaster of emotions and events that I would endure. From an airman ready to take on the world to a foreigner outcast, my story is a cautionary tale for anyone considering marriage in a foreign country.
Stay safe and be vigilant, fellow Redditors. Share your thoughts and similar experiences in the comments below.”
28 comments
Time to GTFO brother. Once you exit the country she will be powerless. Take whatever skills you have learned and build a new life.
What scams was she running?
Sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations. This type of behavior happens just about anywhere, but Japan’s unique court system sure makes it one-sided.
Curious if there were any red flags in hindsight…
TLDR: It’s never my fault.
This sounds terrible and I don’t have much advice to give other than that the only person who could help you at this point is a good lawyer. But if you don’t have the funds not sure how it could be done.
I’m sorry to hear this brother, I really am. Take time to take care of yourself. In the worst case scenario, if your kids are more important than getting away from the nonsense (this is entirely up to you and there is no wrong choice), stay in Japan, get a good lawyer and use the system to your advantage – it isn’t entirely corrupt. She just has a pig friend who is pulling strings. Once the kids are adults she cannot stop you from seeing them
Whatever choice you make it is not right or wrong, it is your choice to make and entirely up to you. I will just warn you, the US you left and the US that now exists is NOT the same. It may not be wroth going back to it after so long and the culture shock might be significant. Its also not always greener. In the US all this might have happened along with the bullshit child support system turning you into an indentured servant.
Find a good support system – try to meet or network with other vets living in Japan that can understand your situation – father groups, etc. Focus on a goal and do the best you can to keep the demons out; stay away form alcohol and shit like that. I won’t tell you some mickey mouse bullshit about “fighting through it” like the bullshit the government fed us, but try to find a happiness in your life and nurture it – it will help you to be resilient. If you aren’t already fluent in Japanese, make it happen. I don’t believe the system is completely racist, but I will completely agree it is unforgiving of those who aren’t fluent. Don’t trust cops anywhere but especially don’t trust them in Japan. You did good on resisting the shit they likely put you through. Lawyer lawyer lawyer.
Stay the fuck away from her. I hope things get better for you man. And this is completely personal, up to you, but just my advice; don’t discount ever find another to love – this crazy woman may be the way she is, but she’s not all women; and you deserve someone who cares about you if you are ever lucky enough to find them.
Good luck friend.
This explains why I see so many airmen today refuse to marry Japanese girlfriend for BAH and getting that spouse visa after exiting the military. I got a navy veteran neighbor who’s been with his girlfriend for 40 years. He refuses to get married and she seems okay with it since they been together for so long. He works on base for SOFA status.
Japanese courts are about as much use as a chocolate teapot when it comes to this sort of thing.
>To make matters worse, I discovered that, since 2016 I had been paying for a life insurance policy, through Meiji Yasuda Seimei, that I had no knowledge of and upon cancelation of this policy all the money went straight to my wife’s account and all records of it disappeared.
How did you find out about this dude?
Sorry to hear you going through all that. Japan seems to be REALLY against giving the foreign parent any kind of leeway when it comes to matters like this.
As far as the insurance, isn’t there something that can legally be done about that? There must be documents showing that you had no input in actually signing up for it. Also, in a divorce in Japan, is there no splitting assets 50/50? Sorry, I’m just asking because it’s just so mind-boggling to imagine a system so biased.
Thank you for sharing.
Your story underlines a very important point that everybody “knows”, but that we are not always wise to in our personal lives: Marry very carefully, and have children even more carefully.
A bad spouse in this country can put you in incredible heartache, more than in many other countries due to legal quirks.
Are you still military, I would assume base would provide a lawyer from base legal.
Japan is kinda weird where if you get divorced the women will generally take the kids and never let them see the father. They completely cut them out of their lives.
I mean, that happens everywhere, but in the US people generally co-parent or at least have visitation. Whereas in Japan, the kids usually won’t even know who the father is.
On the other hand, this is good if the father doesn’t want to raise the kids because he never has to deal with them at all.
It’s upsetting how vicious people can become. I struggle to imagine how people like that manage to live day to day. It must be hell constantly plotting and scheming to ruin another person’s life. I’m sorry for you and your children, you don’t deserve this.
[deleted]
Rule 1. Never let a woman control or manage your finances blindly. Sucks man, did it for 3 years only took me for a few K, 20 years jesus. Best of luck op.
[removed]
Just one thought. Never relinquish the purse strings.
This isn’t a “cautionary tale of anyone considering marriage in a foreign country”, it’s the tragic story of an idiot.
It took a while, but good to see that you’ve finally taken that step to cut off this bitch
Damn, not an uncommon story but still a sad one
Lately, the first thought I have for these posts is: “…Chat-GPT?”
I’m terrible.
Bit of contrarian thinking. I know money is tight but sometimes indirect pressure is a great route. Chances are her friend would already be in a bit of trouble harassing someone likely out of area. That said if you can afford your own investigator to take pics of illegal surveillance or of you spot him on a regular basis take pics of your own. Also would install a recording app on your phone pronto and save all the calls. Compile the evidence, make a complaint and cc everyone along the police administrative chain. Sure they can ignore it but I would guess there would be some very terse phone calls telling him to stop. Would also submit to the family court
> and we had two lovely children.
> common tactic used by a group of Japanese women who target foreign men and see them as a financial ticket.
Is this even real??
This scenario might be plausible for someone like Jeff Bezos, Leonardo DiCaprio or Cristiano Ronaldo, but for the average joe, it’s difficult to believe that a group of women would spend years plotting to usurp their meagre salary, let alone go as far as to conceive a child for that purpose.
Geez, honestly I must say I married a great one. I read horror stories like thus and makes me even more grateful for the girl I met and married here. Sorry for op but glad for me. Too bad he could not have met one of the hundreds of thousand of good women here.
I had problems with a stalker before. She didn’t accept the break up and threatened to sue me, make false accusations of emotional abuse, and go after my work, friends and family.
She found very specific medical information about me and my family. I suspect through friends with access to medical records (she’s a nurse) in the hospital me and my family used to frequent in a province across Japan!
Luckily, her own lawyer told her she didn’t have a case to sue me (at least that’s what she told me). She left me alone after I showed her I had recorded her talking about the false accusations and confirming she knew from the start the conditions of our relationship and assuming that she just could not handle the break up. From that point on I told her no never contact me again and that I would call the police if I ever saw her near me or my family.
Luckily she didn’t bother me anymore, but I am still careful about the places I go and who I befriend, since she knows a lot of people.
I’m curious, where did you meet her?
Does your company not have a legal department?
I think you should consult with your legal counsel and hire a lawyer who specializes in divorce issues.
Rather than an immigration lawyer.
I’ve heard a lot of these type of stories I’m sorry if you have to go under this turmoil. An acquaintance of mine has similar story.
Lesson, choose your partner carefully, after you are certain you share compatibility with all of your life goals and intentions.
This has nothing to do with living abroad though, it was just a poor decision. This doesn’t happen to people who are able to make good decisions.