In continuation to my other thread. I was in a heated argument with my wife and at the height of it, I broke a plate so she called the cops on me. Cops told me I couldn’t go back, so now i’m living on the streets. As a cherry on top, she sent a divorce letter that she wants me to sign.
Now this is all fine and dandy but..
I have a now 8 month old baby daughter living with my wife. Its been about 2 weeks since i’ve last seen my baby. I dont have anything except for my clothes and visa. No my number card, or even my Inkan. All my work money goes to my yubikyoku bank acc, that my wife has my cash card for. I don’t know what to do..
27 comments
Don’t sign the paper. Try to reconcile. If you are afraid of her draining your account, you can try to disable the cash card.
If reconciliation doesn’t work, you can try to speak to a lawyer and make a separation arrangement which outlines how much you owe and how much you can see the kid.
So you committed DV and you’re wondering if you can have your baby back? Good lord.
Ummm….breaking plates in fits of rage with an 8 month old in the room is most definitely a cause for concern. Based on what you’ve said, your wife has done everything right so far.
The way you say ‘now this is all fine and dandy’ is pretty scary…
I would never do such a thing to or around my loved ones, but if I were in your situation, I’d be apologizing hard and assuring her that such a thing would never happen again.
First, talk to police and ask them to accompany you to retrieve your important stuffs.
Very sorry for what happened. Knowing very little about all the matter it would be hard and indelicate to give a too detailed advice.
Try to speak and solve the things in a civil way.
The priority would be to go to the bank and issue a new cash card, since you’ve lost it, as well as the inkan.
Then contact a lawyer and tell all the story to him. You’ll get a good advice.
If you can’t reconcile with your wife, be prepared to the fact thay you may not see your daughter for a while.
Good luck and wish you to solve this.
Sometimes in very heated arguments, the best course of action would be simply walk away.
In my experience cops telling you that you can’t go back means for the night.
Though in your case I’d advise asking the cops to come see you grab your shit.
none
What was the “heated” argument about?
How often do you have them and how heated are they.
Lots of context missing here.
>Cops told me I couldn’t go back, so now i’m living on the streets. As a cherry on top, she sent a divorce letter that she wants me to sign.
I know JPost is good but this seems unlikely in a very ebegging sort of way.
Maybe you shouldn’t have scared her by smashing plates in front of your baby. You’re entirely made of red flags, man.
How much domestic abuse have you put her through that you’re not sharing because her reaction doesn’t happen out of the blue without a build up, the plate smashing incident was her last straw. You don’t sound mentally healthy to be around a young child.
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You have the right to get your belongings. If your wife divorces you, which she can do without your permission if she finds your inkan, you will absolutely not get custody and will lose the right to see your baby again. Men who haven’t done anything wrong go through this all the time, and your wife has a record of your domestic violence. As messed up as the no joint custody laws are, the argument for them is to protect children from abusive parents. She has proof against you for that so you don’t have a chance. Breaking anything is abusive, no matter how angry you are. Breaking a plate, which could have hurt your wife or baby, is really bad. If you stay with your wife just to see your baby, without getting proper treatment for your anger I can guarantee that it’ll get worse and you’ll do something even more harmful next time. I’m not saying you’re a monster, but you need to get help.
There’s a document that will prevent your wife from divorcing you without permission, you can consult with a lawyer about that and how to go get your belongings. You could also try to work with your wife to at least get your things and maybe agree to some kind of supervised visits with your baby in the future, maybe after you’ve gotten some treatment. Your wife called the cops- she risked the humiliation of being talked about by neighbors to do that. It was probably over for her then. She must have felt unsafe and I don’t see how there’s any coming back from that. I don’t think the custody laws are fair and I can’t imagine how devastating this is, but your wife did the right thing and protected your baby.
“No MyNumber card”
You can get proof of your MyNumber on your juminhyo.
“And visa”
What visa are you on? If you’re on a spouse visa you need to realize the implications of a what a broken marriage on verge of a divorce can cause. I.e she can easily go to immigration and tell them you’ve moved out.
Regarding you bank, request you salary get paid to another bank account. Or just cancel the cash card your wife has access to.
Very rare to hear Japanese Police giving correct advice….
Contact a lawyer asap, if you can’t, ask your embassy for help.
If she called the cops on you, maybe it wasn’t the first time you broke a plate
Double down, sign the papers, and leave. It’s clear she stole your financial freedom. Get it back, and move on.
She had someone waiting in the wings this whole time.
Start anew, she is only gonna teach the kid to hate you eventually.
This is some insane larping
You need a lawyer not Reddit. Due to the lack of information in your post I can’t decide if I side with you wife or you. 2 weeks isn’t a long time if you’ve committed dv. You smashing that plate was a sign of aggression and absolutely makes sense why she doesn’t want to be around you. Again though, there is a lot of missing info.
Brother. Reddit, and particularly this thread is not the place to be asking these questions. You will mostly be trolled or judged by people with no context or sympathy for your situation. It’s hard but you essentially have no rights in this situation. And as you know with the way Japanese society is, you will be fighting uphill the whole way to fight this legally. Without any context I would say it’s better
(A) work diligently patiently and “PEACEFULLY” to directly resolve disputes you have with your wife. Going through a mediator like a trusted family friend, or if you are close to her parents or siblings. They may be able to assist from a more calm perspective. Outside of the drama.
(B) Go back to your home of record and work to reconcile things with your wife from a distance. With hopes of some visitation schedule with your child.
PS. With a 8 month old at home she is mostly likely going through more than you know. I.E postpartum depression, lack of sleep, general life stress. That could be why things have reached a boiling point. As a man to support a wife and child in a foreign country. I know it’s tough for you also. I have been through this situation and have managed to come back out on the other side with a with a much more loving and resilient relationship with my wife. I’m just some dude on the internet but my advise is to look within yourself (not in the internet) and try to maintain the family you worked so hard to build.
i would not let someone access my bankaccount if they want a divorce.
Sounds like you got everything you deserved. Breaking things is so unnecessary and can lead to more violence. Your wife did the right thing to protect the baby.
I’m confused. If you live on the streets, how was she able to send you a divorce letter
Why so many people agree to let wife control finances?? You aren’t japanese. Just say no?
You got yourself into a right mess due to it. Its the whole point of that stupid convention. So the wife has hard power like this.
Still got your phone charger though I guess!
Japanese divorce laws ignore the rights of children to have access to both parents.
According to Japanese child custody law, it is best not to alter the child’s environment because of the parents’ circumstances.
My foreign friend was the sole provider for the well being of the child, he was making morning bentos taking him to the school bus etc.
When he divorced his Japanese wife the court granted him full custody of the child.
I would divorce you too because you sound like a psychopath