The context is that the man is Japanese and works for a company where the girl is his customer and he had to send her a photo of her and her friends that was taken at an event for his work.
No. I think you seek validation but more context is def needed in order to make an assessment of the situation. Was this married man your husband?
みんな、すてきですね
Probably avoids any potential misunderstandings (g)
Or いい写真ですね
I don’t know about ‘inappropriate’, but those are prob better options in a professional setting.
Is mentioning his marital status implying he was flirting with this customer? Call me crazy but I don’t think any adult married or not should be flirting with a *teenager*.
If you think it sounds creepy, it sounds creepy. Imagine you’re the parent of one of the girls in question who will read the message and let that thought guide you.
Maybe he was just trying to be nice? As an incredibly awkward person, I might have done something similar and regret that moment every once in a while. Jokes aside, if he continues to be this way it might make sence to be alarted but if not, then maybe it was just him being awkward.
I think it’s fine though it also depends on how you say it
To western ears it sounds strange but complimenting strangers / loosely known associates it’s very common from my experience and generally just results is a warm interaction.
I live in rural Gifu and get the kakkoi compliment all the time. Took me a while to figure out how to respond but now I just do so by laying on the compliments in return. It seems to work as a solid icebreaker.
The other day I’m at a ski resort and one of the guys working there started chatting with me, dudes a handsome fella so when he complimented me I complimented him right back. We spoke for a while and he called his wife over to say hello. As soon as I met her I complemented him on how beautiful a wife he had and her on how handsome and manly her husband was. These things were kind of true, but not a statement I would make back home in Australia without thinking I was acting like a sleaze.
We had a good ten minute chat and wished each other well.
For me, your partners situation doesn’t feel across the line unless it’s said with the internation of being an attempted pick up.
Telling a bunch of girls they are cute before taking their photo is just a pump up, you want them to feel good because if they feel good they’ll look good in the photo and have warm memories of the interaction.
Sounds like it’s literally part of his job.
If you asked him if he really thought they were cute he would probably say yes, but if you asked him did he think any of them were attractive and if he thought he would gain favour with them by telling them they are cute watch the puzzled expression on his face where he tries to make the same mental leaps you are.
It will depend of a lot of factors. Voice intonation, body language, the guy personally etc..
For some it can be totally normal and nothing sexually related behind. For some other it can be sexually intended.
A « ahah kawaii » and a « kawaii 😉 » are totally different.
It depends on how he said it. Otherwise it’s just generic compliment.
Sounds line a normal compliment.
I mean I’d have to see the picture but my first instinct would be that doesn’t seem very strange. Calling someone considerably younger than you かわいい, especially as a whole group and not an individual, is less like ‘cute’ and more like ‘adorable’ as you would call children or animals.
I would add that you know your husband better than anyone here so if his actions up to this point have led you to believe that he would be flirting with a teenage girl then that is a little concerning. The actually verbiage itself is not unusually for us though.
Did he say it while licking his lips? If so, extremely inappropriate.
But I’ve found that people just use it for everything. I wouldn’t read too much into it. Probably just a guy complimenting a customer. I was complimented in my first year in Japan, than I was my whole 22 years back home. No one means it, it’s just a thing to say.
After reading your post history… I’m not putting any wood in your fire! Honestly! Just get a divorce.
I find it interesting your focus is on him being married lol. I think if it were inappropriate then being minors would be more of a yikes factor than him being married. But it’s pretty hard to say from just a post without knowing how the interaction actually went, how he said it, if he has a history of other creepy behavior, etc
I wouldn’t love it if my better half called someone else cute (especially not a teenager girl) spontaneously, but in the context of dealing with customers, I think it might be acceptable and possibly expected? I tell all my students and their parents that they’re clever, intelligent, making good progress, etc. to help boost their confidence (even if it’s an exaggeration).
It is perfectly appropriate and normal. No need to be insecure about it. If you ever watch tv, for example, there are endless married men and girls/women telling people they look かわいい. I guess in this context it is roughly the equivalent in English of “You all look great!” rather than anything seedy.
In the Japanese context and in the situational context, it is not creepy. I know you’re trying to find reasons to hate your husband, but his offering these perfectly normal compliments to his customers is not a good one. If anything it may indicate paranoia or overposessiveness on your part.
Anyone want to help figure out what movie this is? [https://www.reddit.com/r/whatisthatmovie/comments/zw1nqe/japanese\_movie\_tv\_show\_about\_the\_office\_workplace/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatisthatmovie/comments/zw1nqe/japanese_movie_tv_show_about_the_office_workplace/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
17 comments
No.
I think you seek validation but more context is def needed in order to make an assessment of the situation.
Was this married man your husband?
みんな、すてきですね
Probably avoids any potential misunderstandings (g)
Or いい写真ですね
I don’t know about ‘inappropriate’, but those are prob better options in a professional setting.
Is mentioning his marital status implying he was flirting with this customer? Call me crazy but I don’t think any adult married or not should be flirting with a *teenager*.
If you think it sounds creepy, it sounds creepy. Imagine you’re the parent of one of the girls in question who will read the message and let that thought guide you.
Maybe he was just trying to be nice? As an incredibly awkward person, I might have done something similar and regret that moment every once in a while.
Jokes aside, if he continues to be this way it might make sence to be alarted but if not, then maybe it was just him being awkward.
I think it’s fine though it also depends on how you say it
To western ears it sounds strange but complimenting strangers / loosely known associates it’s very common from my experience and generally just results is a warm interaction.
I live in rural Gifu and get the kakkoi compliment all the time. Took me a while to figure out how to respond but now I just do so by laying on the compliments in return. It seems to work as a solid icebreaker.
The other day I’m at a ski resort and one of the guys working there started chatting with me, dudes a handsome fella so when he complimented me I complimented him right back. We spoke for a while and he called his wife over to say hello. As soon as I met her I complemented him on how beautiful a wife he had and her on how handsome and manly her husband was. These things were kind of true, but not a statement I would make back home in Australia without thinking I was acting like a sleaze.
We had a good ten minute chat and wished each other well.
For me, your partners situation doesn’t feel across the line unless it’s said with the internation of being an attempted pick up.
Telling a bunch of girls they are cute before taking their photo is just a pump up, you want them to feel good because if they feel good they’ll look good in the photo and have warm memories of the interaction.
Sounds like it’s literally part of his job.
If you asked him if he really thought they were cute he would probably say yes, but if you asked him did he think any of them were attractive and if he thought he would gain favour with them by telling them they are cute watch the puzzled expression on his face where he tries to make the same mental leaps you are.
It will depend of a lot of factors. Voice intonation, body language, the guy personally etc..
For some it can be totally normal and nothing sexually related behind. For some other it can be sexually intended.
A « ahah kawaii » and a « kawaii 😉 » are totally different.
It depends on how he said it. Otherwise it’s just generic compliment.
Sounds line a normal compliment.
I mean I’d have to see the picture but my first instinct would be that doesn’t seem very strange. Calling someone considerably younger than you かわいい, especially as a whole group and not an individual, is less like ‘cute’ and more like ‘adorable’ as you would call children or animals.
I would add that you know your husband better than anyone here so if his actions up to this point have led you to believe that he would be flirting with a teenage girl then that is a little concerning. The actually verbiage itself is not unusually for us though.
Did he say it while licking his lips? If so, extremely inappropriate.
But I’ve found that people just use it for everything. I wouldn’t read too much into it. Probably just a guy complimenting a customer. I was complimented in my first year in Japan, than I was my whole 22 years back home. No one means it, it’s just a thing to say.
After reading your post history… I’m not putting any wood in your fire!
Honestly! Just get a divorce.
I find it interesting your focus is on him being married lol. I think if it were inappropriate then being minors would be more of a yikes factor than him being married. But it’s pretty hard to say from just a post without knowing how the interaction actually went, how he said it, if he has a history of other creepy behavior, etc
I wouldn’t love it if my better half called someone else cute (especially not a teenager girl) spontaneously, but in the context of dealing with customers, I think it might be acceptable and possibly expected? I tell all my students and their parents that they’re clever, intelligent, making good progress, etc. to help boost their confidence (even if it’s an exaggeration).
It is perfectly appropriate and normal. No need to be insecure about it. If you ever watch tv, for example, there are endless married men and girls/women telling people they look かわいい.
I guess in this context it is roughly the equivalent in English of “You all look great!” rather than anything seedy.
In the Japanese context and in the situational context, it is not creepy. I know you’re trying to find reasons to hate your husband, but his offering these perfectly normal compliments to his customers is not a good one. If anything it may indicate paranoia or overposessiveness on your part.