Hello to my fellow friends of the same tongue
Ive been trying to learn this language for the past 10 months or so. Recently ive been reading about haikus and I feel like it is a beautiful form of art and expression. Being interested in it and wanting to have an outlet for catharsis, Ive made 4 of them, abiding to the rules of haiku, based on my own understanding, available on the internet in english that I would like to share here and hopefully get a response/feedback/criticism or whatever really. I think its kinda (very) cringy (lol) and I dont know if I am making sense, and thus ive included an english translation because obviously, japanese is not my first language (english too as a matter of fact). But yea here they are : –
“茶色目は
日光で見えて
うんこけり
(your) brown eyes, seen under the sun, full of crap all along“
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“各木には
枝の葉を見て
君の顔
your face on every leaf of every branch of every tree”
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“そよ風で
花が香ってや
戸を閉まった
In the gentle breeze with the fragrance of flowers- the door is closed”
​
“四季変化
変わると同じ
気持ちかな
alteration of seasons, changes and yet same, sensational/ (maybe also) feelings”
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I try to include “kireji” in them, though i dont fully understand them, heck i dont even really know how to 日本語 tbh lol… yeaaa its very cringy cos maybe I was thinking about that girl that left me in high school while writing these LOL…. I hope yall enjoyed reading them.
3 comments
The second line of the first one is too long and the third one is 5 – 8 – 6. The small っ is supposed to be counted in haiku
This is a nitpick, but only because it seems like you’re interested in Japanese culture and rules of haiku. It’s far more important to include a seasonal word known as “kigo” when writing.
For example in the famous Matsuo Basho poem:
ふるいけや
かわづとびこむ
みずのおと
古池や
蛙飛びこむ
水の音
In addition to following the traditional 5/7/5 structure, he uses frog (かわづ/カエル) which is a seasonal word for spring so it hopes to evoke a feeling or moment of spring.
I find it a fun challenge to look for a word in the kigo dictionary and come up with a poem sometimes as well. 😊
I’m not sure what rules of haiku you abided; 季語 is the most defining rule of them all, yet I’m struggling to catch them.