The other day, I heard my son mention that he and his friends were talking about war. It was nothing serious – they are in elementary – but it made us think maybe we should get ahead of the WWII discussion since my child is Japanese and American. He goes to a public school with nearly all students being 100% Japanese. We thought maybe it would be confusing if he hears about a war between mommy and daddy’s countries. Like he might wonder why we never mentioned it, how that could happen, etc.
Particularly a question for parents, particulary in Japanese/American marriages – what did you do and what would you suggest?
36 comments
You could ease in slowly, with our Japanese allies’ involvement in The Great War.
The handful of poor buggers who got sent to the trenches probably wondered what the bloody hell was supposed to be going on.
Then, segue into the less pleasant stuff leading up to America’s War of Aggression* later.
*The Edo-Tokyo Museum might still have a display on for this event, although it’s been a few years since we visited that place.
I don’t think your kid is stupid. Why would your kid be confused about a history lesson of a war? They probably also learn about wars between Japanese and other Japanese and the kids with 2 Japanese parents won’t get confused by that either.
Please tell the truth about how it started from the the thousands of Americans killed in Pearl Harbor. The Japanese will talk about the A Bombs over and over, but they never mention Pearl Harbor. It needs to be said that attacking a sovereign country unprovoked and killing thousands of their people is wrong. Yes the. Abombs were terrible. That’s a different point.
Show him video of bill wurtz, history of japan and history of the world.
Just be open and present facts. Talk about the good and bad of both countries. Try to take personal bias and emotions out of it unless they ask, specifically, how you feel.
I’m sure he’ll be fine, most people especially kids could give a fuck about the war. Whatever you do though don’t take him to the museum at Yasukuni.
A lot of comments seem to be forgetting “they are in elementary “. Teaching an elementary kid about the complexities of the Treaty of Versailles seems a bit much.
I would just be objective and present the facts. War is terrible and both sides did bad things. Discuss them. Debate them even (if that is possible with an elementary kid). The best documentaries are not “ooh rah” America is the world’s savior. Instead, they focus on what both sides did. Good and bad.
Or, as you seem to have said, you have a Japanese spouse. That could be a great way to have both sides heard. What the Japanese are typically taught and what the Americans are typically taught. Compare and contrast.
Presenting both sides in that way might prepare them for hearing about “America’s war of aggression” in the classroom and avoid them reacting like Bobby Boucher when he heard that what Momma said wasn’t true.
TBH I don’t see an issue about teaching him history.
It’s not mommy and daddy fighting, it’s history, what is done is done. I intend on mine learning about WWI and WWII from a european perspective too, since the pacific part is a very minor thing for us. Better have him know more about a topic than less!
I touched on this super briefly with my kindergarteners and made sure to point out that this was during WORLD war 2, meaning that many countries were involved and were fighting each other – it was a very complicated series of events. I wanted to make sure they didn’t think badly of any country, and that the overall message was that war is terrible and should be avoided.
Presumably your kid is aware of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, so war is a concept in his world.
You can explain that war is bad, etc., but lots of countries have fought wars, and some of those countries become friends and partners later. US/Britain, pretty much everyone in Europe, etc. Japan and the US fight a war too, and they’re friends now.
At some point you want to make sure there isn’t moral equivocation between the two sides in WW2. From the standpoint of introducing the fact that the US and Japan fought a big serious war in the past but you and your spouse are a modern loving couple and that’s normal, though, I think you can get the job done by pointing out that enemy -> friend evolutions are common.
My ex-wife is a hardcore right-wing revisionist history supporter. She actively teaches our kids that the Japanese were nothing but polite and honorable peacekeepers, atrocities such as Nanking and comfort women are nothing but Chinese/Korean lies and propaganda, and the US were of course the aggressors in forcing poor Japan to “retaliate” at Pearl Harbor, and then going overboard with the atomic bombs. I told them to listen to what they’re taught in schools, keep an open mind and remain objective, form their own opinions. They seem to be handling that well. Kids are a lot smarter than we tend to give them credit for.
Not Haafu but I’m Japanese and spent formative years abroad. I learned about WWII in American History class in public school, and Japanese History in Japanese school on Saturdays.
Having to learn both sides was pretty complex and shapes the way you think, as in public school, I was picked on because my country attacked Pearl Harbor, but on weekends, the group of children I went to Japanese school felt that Japan was the victim of WWII.
It’s important to incorporate both sides of the history, and at the same time, like someone else mentioned that you should also teach about what went on in the rest of the world at that time.
I know this is more leaning towards the JP history side, but i recommend Grave of the Fireflies (火垂るの墓 – ほたるのはか – Hotaru no Haka, both book and the movie). Very heavy.
It’s been my understanding that most schools talk about ancient history and by the time they’re in high school and they actually get to modern history they never ever actually get to the war because they don’t wanna have to teach the kids about all the bad shit. They are more likely to read a story about a girl who dies from radiation from the bombs in English class. But their history classes will probably never get to that. My friends HAFFU children get asked if America’s lunch breaks are really three hours.
No harm in educating about history. Helps make sure it never happens again. Sweeping things under the carpet doesn’t help.
Because he is in elementary school, I would just tell them that it happened, a simple explanation of how it started and how it finished, and a basic understanding of how it effects the world today. Then if he is more curious you can teach him more. Don’t overthink it and don’t be bias.
Eh, I’m Japanese and I was brought up in America, and there was no “confusion” per se. History was all just shit in a text book that I had to memorize and pass the tests for.
I don’t think this is something you need to go out of your way to discuss with your kid. They’ll learn the basics in school, and when they reach an age where they actually give a shit about history they’ll look it up themselves.
But if your kid is interested in the history, then, by all means, explain both sides.
As a mixed race kid it’s important to understand kids grow up with their own lens and parents sometime worry b/c they see an experience from a perspective you don’t have.
Maybe to you wars only occurred between “us” vs “them”. But to your son that won’t be the case and thats fine. He doesn’t need special coaching because to him a history where mom and dads country’s fought will be normal.
A more basic version is you don’t need to teach him and mom and dad look different and that’s okay, to him that’s just how mom and dad look.
Here’s where the japanese were wrong.
Here’s where the Americans were wrong.
What interment camps are, how you feel about them being used.
What a nuclear bomb is, how you feel about it being used.
What war crimes are like the surprise attack on pearl harbor, or the Tokyo firebombing is, how you feel about them.
Just an overall message of the difficulties for many different countries to work together as they develop, but the positive outcomes: mom and dad’s marriage and child being born
If he’s interested, get in depth with it. Promote anything that has a kid invested. Might spark an early interest in future political science or history. You never know!
1990s American elementary school we were exposed to concepts like slavery, interment camps, the civil right movement.
Working as an elementary school teacher, my biggest concern is over infantalizing of students who get a full extra year in the grade.
I keep adding to this because I’m such a shotgun scatter-brained thinker.
I was a sensitive kid. Early on I was exposed to two stories I think in third grade that profoundly affected me. One was ‘Of Mice and Men’ I cried hard when George shot Lenny, and I went and found my mom right away. It turned into a really long discussion about neurological disorders, ableism, problems, etc. I wasn’t any smarter than other kids. I had an interest that was nurtured.
I also was deeply depressed/effected by the “shit field” story in The Things they Carried. Same scenario but with my step father, whose friends had served in Vietnam. We were able to talk about ugly realities in an enlightening way.
Tell them it was an inside job
Got asked this a number of times when teaching etc. in the past by kids.
Best response is to shrug it off, say look at England and France, fought for 100s of years and now they’re best friends.
They are *best friends* right?
Mixed or non mixed just tell him the truth. That’s what i do with mine, since everything taught in japan tends to make japanese look flawless, kind etc. I actually wouldn’t mind him getting into fights 9even with teachers) if they’re dumb pawns. Let them have their factless version, your son deserves better.
It’ll pass. They won’t think much about it. You probably should go easy on the details if you choose to talk about it. Because kids can talk and it might lead to troubles if he goes against mainstream ideas.
I’m a mixed kid, though not Japanese–in my case, dad’s country colonized mom’s country and committed war crimes. When I was in college, I had a whole existential crisis over this and basically realized that I’m not only the product of my parents, but of history. Eventually I came to terms with it.
It’s great that you’re concerned with how to raise your mixed-race kids in the context of global history. If your kid has questions about it, they’re in the position to get really interesting perspectives on it. If they don’t, it just means that your child is living in the modern age and doesn’t question why/how their parents got together, because they’re a kid and give 0 shits about it. I don’t really think the whole “oh god I’m a person who fits into a greater context” thing happens until at least after puberty.
My grandpa was a revered Pearl Harbor veteran (RIP) and this is something I think about often. Someday when my fiance and I have our kids and they grow up I too wonder how WW2 history will be taught here in Japan. It’s a touchy subject for me because I was almost wiped out of existence if my grandpa hadn’t gotten out of his barracks in time.
Just make sure your kids know what Japan did in the war before the revisionist history textbooks and teachers get at them.
I am haafu and grew up attending Japanese and American public schools in both countries. I don’t remember ever thinking the wars were “mom vs dad”.
The main takeaway for me personally was learning how each side tells stories differently and highlights different parts of the whole picture. There is no clear right or wrong side. Each country is very biased, and I distinctly remember how I could very clearly see certain things were left out of both the American and Japanese sides. It’s interesting as an adult to realize how I picked up on that even as a very small kiddo.
As for recommendations — one thing I plan to do as a parent is take my children to both American and Japanese museums, as my parents did. This was in part fueled by my family’s involvement in the war (on both sides).
Manzanar (the Japanese American concentration camp in California) was particularly memorable as a small child. I remember it being very informative and I enjoyed learning how the Japanese Americans still found ways to celebrate the beauty in life even while imprisoned. It was a lovely visit, all things considered. I also remember learning about my own family deaths on both sides while visiting the WW2 memorial in DC as a small kid.
In Japan, I remember visiting the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum (I remember that being scary) and Yushukan Museum (at Yasukuni, yes, controversial). There are obviously many more, but these come to mind.
Obviously it’s a privilege to be able to travel to these sites, but given my family’s history it was something my parents often prioritized when we traveled.
I think the moment they understand that it was over 80 years ago, which is basically the same as samurai and dinosaur times for little kids, all anxiety related to it will go out of the window.
lol, my kids don’t care
I’m a big military history buff. Not really a kid person but if I had kids, I’d ask them about what they’re learning in history class then add to that if I felt things were missing. Honestly though, much of the context and “truth” about history you don’t really click with until you become an adult and consume documentaries and such of your own volition, so I’d think it’s more important to plant the seed of an *interest* in history rather than talking to them about history.
Japan committed war crimes during WW2 just like Germany did. End of story. Not too sure why this is debatable.
Japanese American hafu, raised in US. My grandparents fought in WWII on opposite sides, American grandpa in Europe but dunno where Japanese grandpa fought. Maybe the pacific. I absorbed the “Japan is a victim” mindset from weekend Japanese school, reading “Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes” for the US school, and watching “Grave of Fireflies” with family. I learned about the A bomb and Japanese internment through school and children’s books.
In elementary school, my Taiwanese American friend’s parents didn’t like me because I was Japanese. She tried to tell me about Japan’s history as an aggressor, invading China and torturing people, forcing Okinawan people to commit suicide, but it was hard for me to believe because I didn’t see it any material or texts from school or family.
I got to explore Japan’s history as an imperialist aggressor more in-depth as a university student.
There’s many juvenile fiction books that discuss US internment camps and the A bomb. The book “Japan at War: An Oral History” interviews Japanese people about their experience of World War II. I think it’s also really important to discuss Japan’s invasion and occupation of Ryukyu, Korea, Manchuria, and other areas in the Pacific and Asia.
I think it’s also interesting to explore how the Meiji Imperial government implemented a lot of changes to Japanese culture, such as forcing Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples to be distinct from each other.
Im watching a Yellowstone spin off show called 1923, and in the last ep of the first season, an Asian woman is dragged out of her house and thrown into a police car for being in a relationship with a white man. The police officers beat the white man up and tell him they would take those ‘mongrel’ kids too, except he doesnt want to ‘stink up’ his car….
Shit like this happened 100 years ago. And I doubt its being taught anywhere. Just like the Tulsa massacre wasn’t really taught in schools.
We have come a long way and I wouldn’t worry too much about explaining a war that happened 70 years ago.
It was important for sure, but we have come a long way since then and its just history.
My kids haven’t asked any questions about history. My son did ask about his name and its origins so I told him about Alexander the great of Macedonia. heh.
I wouldn’t even broach the subject.
Let the kid come to his own conclusions.
I would recommend educating on it, but not because your kid will think about mommy and daddy’s countries fighting.
The Japanese education on WWII is quite lacking. I wouldn’t say they are being like Russia or china and changing history, but they don’t go out of their way to explain everything that happened.
Don’t make America look good and japan look bad purposefully, but do educate on what happened. War is more than just “something that we shouldn’t do and is bad. ” there are lessons to be learned.
My father-in-law is a Hiroshima survivor, thus somewhat of a touchier topic when I was dating my now wife initially as many of her extend family were killed back then.
At the same time, my country is one of the victor of the conflict and I think maybe I have distant relatives that lived under Japanese occupation.
The way I explained it to my wife…. It’s a s#itty situation all around. Every country did was they perceived was righteous and just. History is written by the winners.
Was the atomic bomb a good thing? Obviously no, but has equally as destructive and tragic events already occurred? Yes (firebombing, embargoes, etc). Were the potential alternatives better? Not really as estimates for Operation Downfall had millions of casualties in terms of the military, with potentially many millions more in civilian casualties (the Japanese were planning to arm their citizens and to fight to the last man), plus the potential of the USSR to renege on their agreement and invade from the North and thus creating a divided Japan a la West & East Germany and North & South Korea.
In the end, what does it matter in the grand scheme of things in getting worked up over it now? It’s the past, we should be glad that we now live in a world where we can go out to eat some Indian food, take a trip to Bali and then meet up with buddies from Brazil to catch a movie. Learn about the past, but don’t live in the past.
Dunno when is the perfect time but letting your kid know about atrocities is very important and japanese people already know that regarding 3/11 earthquake and it’s consequences. No one even talks about what Japan did to South/South east asia and stuff.
Edit: And definitely about American imperialism.