Tragic story – breaks my heart. I was initally thinking of sending flowers – but upon further research… I understand that might not be the correct thing to do in Japanese culture. I am in the US – any advice/recommendations is much appreciated. <3 Thank you!
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/w3y826/my_lovely_japanese_client_recently_and/
15 comments
In japan we give money at funerals. There’s no “culturally appropriate” gift for a funeral besides either money or paying the funeral home to purchase gift packages for the guests. There’s a whole protocol about returning a portion of what you were given, it’s a huge pain in the ass.
My recommendation is that you just be an American and send flowers and a nice message. You aren’t Japanese and no one expects you to act like it. If you want to be extra considerate wait a week or so before you have them delivered , she’s going to be very busy for a while.
https://miepanewsletter.wordpress.com/2016/03/24/guide-to-gifting-flowers-in-japan/
If you have someone that speaks Japanese at your company, rakuten is a good option for flowers too.
This is their flower section for mourning. [https://search.rakuten.co.jp/search/mall/-/202502/tg1008805/](https://search.rakuten.co.jp/search/mall/-/202502/tg1008805/)
People used to stick to all-white flowers in the first 49 days, but for the past few decades white with blue and purple are quite acceptable too.
You could always use Amazon Japan. I know. I know but I have bought many things through that for my fiancé and her parents
Where is she located? You can order from a nearby flower shop, that would be an extra touch, rather than ordering from a big chain or Rakuten sellers.
Rather than flowers to the office, perhaps very luxurious sympathy card with message might be more appropriate.
If I were the person who lost mother, Just your message of condolence is highly appreciated enough.
There’s nothing wrong with sending flowers. My friend passed away last month before getting married and a friend of hers wanted me to buy flowers for her mother so I did. Her mother was thankful and even sent me a thank you card mentioning it. If you can’t meet them in person, add a card or message with it.
Money!
Money is fine. In case you are sending a card as well, make sure the type of ink is appropriate you use when writing your message on it.
If the visitation & funeral haven’t happened yet, you can have flowers sent to be displayed along with your name (or your company name). You will need to go through the company that is organizing the funeral though. I don’t think you can just ship it to the venue. And it’s expensive (maybe couple hundred dollars).
I would suggest some fancy cookies or a massage voucher. Something a little bit special she can enjoy that will be gone pretty quickly.
When my Mum died, our house was filled to the brim with flower arrangements. They just kept coming. And they last a while. And just when you throw a few away, another one arrives. The house looked like a graveyard. It became a tedious reminder after a week when you kind of just want things to go back to normal.
She’s probably sick of flowers by now.
Honestly if it is a client I think it would not be very appropriate to send a physical gift from overseas. Condolences should be enough. If you were in Japan with her I would say being an American you could get flowers or something similar since it’s what you would do in America.
i think flowers are suitable, just that there are particular types of flower that we send (i forgot which). we usually ask at flower shop and get them to send it with express cool delivery.
Not Japanese, but dislike it when someone who barely knows you tries to insert themselves in personal pain. Lost someone a couple years ago, and while dealing with that, and having to explain it to work, I sent an email basically saying I did not want to talk about it or get anyone else involved.
Just saying maybe the appropriate thing to do is nothing.