since 2/3 years ago i have been daily speaking japanese with my online friends, since 11 months ago i have been with the same group of friends and i have been having comunication issues
now that my japanese improve, i feel like they stop focusing on the parts i can do, and started focusing in the parts i cant do
for example a friend has been focusing a lot on the “flow” of the conversation, and how to use jokes to keep it flowing, aparently every time i speak i cut the conversation somehow, so everytime i speak he says something like “ほらな?それだって、ダメだって” what i feels he cuts the conversation even more, every time i try to explain my point of view, how i feel things, or just how i dont understand what i do that, he just repeats the phrase
he says japanese conversations have a flow, like a railway, and every time i speak instead of using the railway, i create a new one, he said i just need to use the flow, and use the railway everyone use, that its easy, the railway is just there, i tried explaining that conversations in my language are not like that, that i dont see the railway, that i dont understand it, its not like i dont care and just say random things, its that i literally cannont understand what im doing wrong, and everytime i ask for any kind of explanation i get ignored, maked fun of using that phrase and that i just need to do it, its easy, that im hard, and that why i do it
I cant even explain myself, i tried explaning how a blind person wont see any railway, no matter how hard he tries, and that im blind right now, but he just says “いわけいらないからな？”
he or any of my friends doesnt know any language except japanese, they have never been in any other culture or have been in any other country, so they just cant comprehend that their common sense its not common sense, its just the normal for them, what im suposed to do in this situation?
im being slowly talking less, and every time i talk i get more attacked, im suposed to have improved, but i just get attacked for my errors more, im desesperated right now, and i feel so impotent that im thinking its just best that i stop talking to everyone
sorry if this is not the proper server for any of this or if im hard to understand, or if this is something that just happends to me, thanks.
4 comments
Yes conversations have a flow in any language, and you generally wouldn’t want to halt it to talk about you, yourself and your point of views in any culture. That said you might want to find other people to talk to who are more patient and are used to accommodating people who cannot communicate very well.
google 相槌 for some info
Are you American? I feel like you’re getting a blunt but sobering introduction to Japanese culture – maybe it’s a bit harsh but that level of honesty is rare among adults in real life.
On another note it seems to me that in conversation Americans find gaps to start talking about themselves which rubs people the wrong way in a lot of cultures. In Japan, if you’re new to the group you shut up and try to read the vibe of what’s going on, you don’t assert your place. This type of group > individual values can be seen in a lot of places like when you move into a new place it’s a custom to bring gifts around and introduce yourself, whereas in other countries you may have the neighbours come and say hello to welcome you instead.
Japanese life is a set number of rituals and ceremonies repeated from cradle to grave so when you push people off track it can get socially awkward.
I really don’t understand when people say they get treated like shit and yet still hang with the people who treats them like shit. Have some common sense? If people are being toxic to you, cut them off and find other more mature and accommodating people to mingle with? This isn’t a language thing lol. Sometimes I really wonder how people survive in this world if you need other people to tell you such elementary things.