I have deeply studied the culture and language for a couple years now with the idea that I wanted to move there with the JET program and teach english. But the more I learned the culture the more hesitant I became to move there.
There’s the obvious things like, sexism and work culture, but this one is a bit more personal…
I grew up in a household where I was the emotional punching bag for both of my parents and in that I had say “sorry,” a lot even when I didn’t do anything wrong. I had to unlearn saying sorry so much in my adult life and release the false belief that I was always in the wrong. From what I’ve studied, it seems that this can happen, especially as a foriegner, and I just wonder how willing I will be to do so.
And even at my current job, it’s not like I haven’t still had to do it. Recently my co-worker made a huge mistake that resulted in ME getting in trouble and, even though it was hard, I accepted it wasn’t a reflection of my internal self and worth, and just swallowed my pride and apologized.
Anyone had an experiences with this, instances where you had to apologize for nothing? Is it a very common occurances and has it ever made you uncomfortable?
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>Anyone had an experiences with this, instances where you had to apologize for nothing?
Almost daily. This is not a Japan-specific problem, though.
Apologizing for things that you didn’t do, or things that aren’t your fault is part of basic social interactions and basic adulting all over the world.
We say “I’m sorry” when someone’s pet dies. We say “I’m sorry” to the Karen who’s yelling at us for something that’s 100% their fault. We say “I’m sorry” when our boss gave us the wrong information, leading the team on a wild goose chase that cost a week of work.
In a position like JET you’d be at the absolute bottom of the totem pole, so yes: You’d be apologizing for a lot of shit. You’d be apologizing for having the “wrong” activity planned because the teacher decided to change which section of the book they were going to teach at the last second without telling you. You’d be apologizing for the class not being “fully engaged”, despite the fact that they’re little shits and it’s 6th period so all they can think about is going home.
Apologizing is part of dealing with life. While it’s not a Japan-specific issue, it can be more prevalent here due to a social aversion to confrontation.
If apologizing needlessly is a problem for you JET is probably not a great choice.
Apologizing is often a part of life, no matter where you live. I’m from the US, and in my previous job I’ve apologized for many things that weren’t technically my fault. I’m not talking about personally taking all of the blame, prostrating myself and asking forgiveness, etc, but a simple “I’m sorry there was a misunderstanding about the timeline, let’s see what we can do to fix it.”
In my current job in Japan it’s much the same. I am technically pretty high up on the hierarchy, but I frequently apologize for small things that aren’t might fault. It’s not really a reflection about who is wrong, but just a way to smooth over social interactions. But again, this is the same as it would be in my home country. Does it annoy me sometimes? (“Grrr, if that person had only read my email first then we wouldn’t have this issue, etc”) Sure, but it doesn’t really bother me, as it’s part of normal life and doesn’t reflect on me as a person.
Warning: 100% personal opinion here
So I don’t know if others view this as the same way, but I find a huge difference between the words すみません(sumimasen) and ごめんなさい(gomennasai).
To me based off my feelings and experiences, ごめん/ごめんなさい is the equivalent of ‘I am sorry’. There is a feeling of taking responsibly when using this phrase. I do not see this used at the work place.
すみません is the phrase that people use on the daily, and I feel like while its not a direct translation… its more on the level of ‘excuse me/I beg your pardon’. You are not taking responsibly with this phrase. People say it when others are are inconvenienced by some event/action that may or may not have to do with you personally.
If you are able to see すみません as a non-apology, you might have an easier time in Japan. If you see it as an apology, its kinda of rough as it is used often.
>Anyone had an experiences with this, instances where you had to apologize for nothing?
#EVERY. FCKING. MONTH.
At least once a month at work I have to formally, “apologize for nothing”—It’s total horsepucky.
“Apologizing for nothing” is the Japanese norm. Hell, the STANDARD Japanese phrase for everything is *Sumimasen*/[すみません](https://bondlingo.tv/blog/sumimasen-can-mean-thank-you-japanese-is-all-context/), which you will repeat all day long…basically you’re apologizing for your existence, grrrr.
>instances where you had to apologize for nothing?
Isn’t that just part of being a functional adult with a job?