Wife and I are having out first baby, doing all the paperwork and registrations, and she got that pregnancy tag you sometimes see women have on their bags to let you know they’re pregnant. Anyhow, it remained in it’s little sleeve for weeks…I didn’t think much of it, assuming she just hadn’t remembered to attach it to her bag. Last week she was telling me how nobody would give up a seat for her on a train and I asked if she was using that tag. She said that her friends and several online forums are warning against using it. Apparently, recently, women with the tag have been getting singled out and bullied because of it. Is it really that bad or….?
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Never heard of the bullying, but my pregnant wife (currently at 9 months) has very rarely not been offered a seat on a train. Maybe an isolated issue?
I’ve heard of women being bullied because of it. Rude comments or even assaulted physically. Apparently some people think it’s “showing off” or being “entitled” to wear one… ridiculous bitter losers of course. I saw some article in Japanese about it online once too.
Personally I wore mine from when I got it in the first trimester (I dealt with several spells of almost blacking out on the train from low blood pressure in the first/second trimester so I wanted to try to get a seat if I could, even that early on) and I never noticed any direct “bullying” but I will say it RARELY actually got me a seat, even in the priority area. I probably got offered a seat like 10 times maybe my whole pregnancy, and I traveled by train most days as I worked until around 36-37 weeks pregnant. So I guess maybe your wife believes the reward of wearing it isn’t worth the risk of potentially meeting some psycho..
If you read crime section you’ll feel very unsafe. Yes apparently there are incidents and annoyances but there are all kind of things in life. According to a survey 53% wore theirs everytime, 28% sometimes.
My wife wore it around most of the times with no issue.
That’s mostly internet legend.
Wife kept it on her bag, but anyway Japanese barely give seat for pregnant women.
Or worst run to catch elevator before any stroller.
In own my experience carrying my baby, standing in front of 40y salaryman or young people they don’t give a shit about you, even if they just get of next station!
My wife has been wearing it since she got it and so far nothing at all, people have been really helpful and kind whenever we need to take the train.
Also heard about it never witnessed it. I imagine those are very isolated events that ended up being a urban legend of sorts.
Also, asking for the seat is the best way. People won’t refuse. Otherwise seated people will do what they do best, pretend they don’t see the people around to whom the should let their seat.
It’s slightly different, but I have a help mark because of a chronic illness. I only take it out when I’m feeling poorly and hoping for a seat, but yeah…most people will not give up their seat. They’ll just pretend to sleep. Actually elderly people who *shouldn’t* give up the seat are more likely to stand and it makes me feel bad. I’ve never been bullied for it though.
I was not waiting to receive a seat, I was asking for it.
Of course it depends on where you live, but here public transport is usually not full, so the priority seats are almost always open for whoever needs it. But I think she should ask.
I’ve heard that happens, but only from 2nd hand sources. Never heard anybody actually say they were treated poorly because of it.
I’ve also only ever seen 1 person with one. I know Japan’s struggling with babies at the moment, but I’ve surely seen more pregnant people than that, so it seems not many actually wear it.
As for getting a seat, I don’t suppose there’s any chance she could travel at different times? I do the vast majority of my travel at off-peak times and there are always plenty of free seats.
We know a friend who brought with her not just the tag but a bunch of tiny bells, so whenever she’s on the train standing they will just make the most irritating sound until someone had enough to give her the seat. She said it worked every time.
I wore it throughout my pregnancy and was almost always offered a seat. There was a time or two where people didn’t move and someone else on the train asked them to move for.me, which was totally unexpected. Now I babywear all the time with my 8 months old and people always offer their seats for me too. I think people are way kinder than I even expected
Not many people notice the mark.
When I was visibly pregnant I did get offered a seat at times. It’s mostly shops that noticed it and then told me about some of their maternity discounts.
It’s just bullying across the board here in Japan. It seems like it’s a national sport. Perhaps Japan should pursue a world heritage listing for it.
Nope. Never experienced, never seen happen.
We were also apprehensive to wear the tag at first, because it felt weird (to foreigners I gather).
But then comes the time when you actually need to have a seat (varies in Tokyo, great further out). And you start getting freebies everywhere!
My wife doesn’t want to use it for that reason too.
I wore mine and never had any issue. Might be because I am taller then many Japanese men and have a resting bitch face and mean stare that promises trouble if you harass me (according to Japanese male friend). Those who gave up their seats for me were usually elderly ladies and middle aged men. Young women were the absolute worst. I will never forget that once I was standing on the train in my third trimester, I couldn’t move fast and once a chair became available, a young woman quickly took it before I could get there. A friendly guy then gave me his seat.
In my experience with the tag, it never worked to get me a priority seat. If I was standing in the area of the regular seats, I was immediately offered a seat; but ironically in the priority area, not once did anyone offer me a seat. I didn’t mind it so much until my third trimester when walking and standing was getting physically difficult, but… yeah.
Wife never received any bullying but rarely would someone give up a seat. I had to ask people when we were out together.
I’ve given up my seat a few times for pregnant women and seen as others have noted mostly middle aged men or older women do so as well. I can attest that younger women are the absolute worst at giving up a seat.
Wife had one and never got any shit for it. None of her friends or family ever got shit either. No one I know has. It’s mostly internet lore after a few instances of bullying I assume. Maybe your wife is looking into it too deeply.
My wife has been offered a seat 3 times out of 5 when she’s worn it with me and once when she rode the train alone.
It’s the first I’ve heard of that sort of behavior.
I’ve read somewhere the reason y no one gives up seat is due to conformity and not offending the rest of the seated passengers who didn’t offer the seat. Not sure how true it is.
While I was never bullied, the tag never helped once. Me raising my voice and shouting at a salaryman to gtfo of the reserved seat on the bus during the evening commute sure as hell did (the bus driver also told him to move). But no one will move, they’ll just stare at their phones harder and do everything to ignore moving, even students. It’s so fucking rude.
I always feel like I must be living in a different country than others replying. My wife used the tag, had one really really annoying case of a selfish jerk ignoring it and the rest of the time people were nice and helpful…
Wow.. I am not letting my wife carry that tag then. She is in 3 months pregnancy.
My wife got offered a seat once (in Tokyo) with the first pregnancy. She was so surprised she told me all about it when I got home. I haven’t heard of bullying for it.
My wife wears the tag all the time and just today put the tag right in front of the face of a guy just sitting on a priority seat. He got up very quickly.
Of course you get bullied for it. It’s Japan. No babies and all the old shits can do is bully you more. Really horrible.
When I offer my seat to someone with a baby or elderly, 99% of the time they refuse, but I say I’m getting off at the next step (which is rarely the case) then try to move out of sight. Even if they refuse, so be it, but I see people all the time in Tokyo (often in the seats designated for certain people), face buried in the phone and avoiding eye contact even when someone pregnant/elderly/injured is near. Despite the myth of omotenashi, I’m more shocked now when I see a younger person give up their seat for someone more in need of it than them.
A lot of people with mixed responses but it’s absolutely gonna depend on:
– time of day (apparently it’s the pregnant/stroller pushing person’s fault for using the train at busy times, how inconsiderate of them /s)
– area (I mean it’s pretty obvious without being pregnant that certain areas have zero fucking chill)