I’m in Tokyo currently and if possible in the future I’d like to move here but for now identifying places that are good/not good to move in.
But my issue is that well I’d like to make some friends with local here during my time here as I’m in the process of inspecting places to move in but I don’t know what to do for meeting people.
I speak Japanese, language isn’t a barrier I though this will help me but but yet don’t know what to do cause well first I’m an introvert and I don’t know what to say and where exactly to meet people.
I tried to look at apps like meetup but
it’s mainly foreigners together while I want to befriend local people and I want to avoid Gaikokujin hunters who only are interested to you only cause you are a foreigner and I prefer a real life approach than on a app, i don’t mind people wishing to befriend me to practice French or English but I don’t want it to be the sole reason they like me.
I considered going to Kabukicho cause I heard it’s very friendly but night club isn’t my type of crowd and i worry about the type of person I can meet here cause it’s a red light distract (or perhaps I should re considers as long I’m careful since I have no intentions to go there for lewd things?)
I tried yesterday to speak to someone in Akihabara by complimenting her shoes (they were super pretty)but the exchange was awkward « excuse me, I just wanted say you have pretty shoes » « Hmm…thank you» « Have a good day » REALLY awkward.
it’s already a big effort for me but didn’t worked well and I still feel this awkwardness.
Learned from my extrovert friend it’s probably best to talk to people who are alone or in a group the one that is detached and to avoid two people together.
Please give me tips I really want to make friends on Tokyo but I don’t know what to do!
7 comments
Gotta meet people during the day through hobbies or classes. Then go out with them as a group at nighttime to meet lots more people.
People don’t want to hear this but if you want to meet a lot of people you will have to indulge in the nightlife.
Kabukicho and Shinjuku in general are great.
Meet people during the day through work, school, hobbies and volunteer activities, like anywhere else in the world.
Hobbies are seriously the way to go!! And frankly, having a hobby will be good for your mental health in general too. I’ve made a local friend by just knitting in public and her following suit, and I have had a conversation with a neighbor when she saw me knitting. Admittedly, I’m in Kansai, where people tend to be a little bit more chatty and open, but hobbies are such a game changer when it comes to making friends. Even if it’s not something like knitting which you can do in public, taking a class and/or becoming a regular in hobby shops can really help. And ask questions about the hobby in Japanese!! That will display your language ability and interest, and give someone a chance to talk about something they love.
Also, I know I’m offering a lot of advice here and please take it with a pinch of salt, but try not to read in between the lines too much. Assume people are being nice (or as nice as they can be in that moment) and operate under that assumption until they prove you otherwise. You may hear quite a bit about two faces, and not saying what you mean, but at the end of the day you don’t need to play that game unless you want to. There are people who don’t, and those that do are doing so out of a fear of being hurt, emotional exhaustion, or social pressure. It’s not a mean-spirited attempt to avoid you specifically, and it’s worth remembering that. I have multiple times misunderstood a situation because I read it in a negative way, apologized about it later, only to be faced with a totally bemused reaction because they had no idea what I was talking/worrying about. Reading subtext in a second language is a whole other journey, and often not worth the headache, because the double talkers will do the work of sorting themselves out for you.
Finally, don’t take it personally if it doesn’t go well or things fizzle. It is almost universally difficult to make friends in big cities, because so many people work so much they hardly have the emotional capacity or brain power to form new connections. People will be doubly reticent to make the investment if they feel you may be leaving soon anyway. But there are plenty of people who want and need friends as well!! Best of luck to you, and again, apologies for the long preachy comment!!
Unpopular opinion: Apps are also a possibility. This does carry some risk for obvious reasons though. A lot of weird people on the apps, and a lot of people just looking for simple encounters. But between the weirdos and the people looking for relationships, I’ve met a lot of people that I talk to regularly and meet quite often just as friends. So it’s possible, but use at your own risk. If your already married, sorry….
I’ve found that local izakaya and bars are a good place to befriend locals. Since you are scouting around for places to potentially move to, you could explore nearby places to eat or have a drink.
If you strike up a conversation with the owner or bartender, sometimes people sitting next to you will join in.
You can always browse the weekly threads on /r/japanlife or /r/tokyo by people who are struggling socially for whatever reason and want to learn how to make friends.
As others have mentioned, definitely hobbies. As an adult, I have never, nor have I ever had a random person come up to me and start talking to them in any way that created an actual friendship. It’s always that we have something in common.
As a fellow introvert, it’s super awkward when someone comes up to me and starts talking to me at random, there”s no way I would be the one initiating the conversation…