My daughter is in 1st grade. Today, she was wearing a new skirt and I commented on how cute it was. I asked if it was the “shorts” kind of skirt, or if she was wearing shorts underneath. She mentioned it was just a skirt, so I said jokingly, “Make sure you wear shorts so noone can see your underwear!” and she said, “so-and-so tries to look under my skirt sometimes.”
She said it non-chalantly like it wasn’t a big deal, and it was all fun and games. After talking to some other people, I get a sense it’s not seen as a big deal in Japan. “boys will be boys”. Am I being an overly sensitive father? I don’t want my daughter to grow up where “skirt-peeking” is normalized.
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Being an elementary boy at one point in my life, yeah it was pretty common. Not to say that it’s fine or anything, but most of the time it was just teasing and honest curiosity. There were definitely some early horndogs in the mix too though, so maybe a good idea to discuss your concerns with your wife and/or teacher.
Also, that title really threw me off. Was expecting some pedo inquiring about where to get his panty-peeking fix.
At that age, it’s common in America as well. It’s just children being children and there’s nothing whatsoever sexual about it. They’ll also play “family” where one kid plays mommy, one plays daddy, one plays the dog, etc., and genders of the kids are not relevant when choosing the parts. It’s all heathy.
On the more “freak out a westerner” side of things, here in Japan it’s common for kids to change together (getting ready for gym) until third grade or so.
But from 9 or 10 years old, they (the children and the culture) starts to see sexuality and the separation happens, and any “peeking up skirts” after that is considered wrong. (I know of some high-school boys that were expelled for it.)
Underwear is funny. Someone else’s underwear is hilarious. Were you never a kid?
Seems like a weird thing to say to your daughter, actually.
My opinion: It’s not normal in a boys will be boys sense, but I think it’s fairly normal for there to be one very young child in the class like that in the same way that it’s normal that there’s one kid in the class who wonders what crayons taste like and one kid in the class who wonders if they can wear the class hamster like a hat. Kids are curious about the world and sometimes make dumb choices; and if they’ve never in their life worn a dress, it’s conceivable that a kid who has no concept of sexual boundaries might wonder what people who wear them keep up there. If this continues to the point that your daughter is distressed by it or into an age where kids are becoming aware that they experience sexuality, then it would absolutely be right for you to step in and say something, but for right now, *as long as your daughter doesn’t think it’s a big deal*, you’re probably okay not to worry.
Assuming “so-and-so” is a child your daughter’s age.
Kids are kids. I remember this kind of thing happening when I was young at school. Getting a chance/accidental glimpse was like a success-kid meme moment.
However if it gets to the point where they’re being singled out constantly or physically harassed, then perhaps there’s an issue.
I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. If it comes up again you could ask her if she’s bothered by it, and use that to start teaching her about setting boundaries and standing her ground.
You know her situation better than a reddit stranger though, so it’s your call
Nothing to worry about with kids at that age. They’re almost definitely curious and looking to make fun of pants rather than anything sinister.
If boys that age do see something they shouldn’t, they don’t get aroused, they panic that the girl appears to be missing something.
If you’re worried, you can always raise that your kid has mentioned it happens often so it’d be nice for a general reminder to go out that it’s not nice to mess with girls’ skirts.
Kids will be kids. Don’t get your panties in a twist over this.
You have to be coherent with yourself.
> I said jokingly, “Make sure you wear shorts so noone can see your underwear!
And
> Am I being an overly sensitive father? I don’t want my daughter to grow up where “skirt=peeking” is normalized.
Are mutually exclusive.
I wouldn’t worry about kids and kids. I’d worry about these old ass dudes that want to look up a little girls skirt. Literally seen an old man gawking at a high schooler yesterday
It’s normal, since at that age curiosity speaks louder than wisdom.
But if your daughter feels uncomfortable about it, teach her to stand up for and defend herself. A little boy is about to learn that curiosity killed the cat.
>I don’t want my daughter to grow up where “skirt=peeking” is normalized.
is certainly not an unreasonable sentiment when taking up-skirt shots of underage girls seems to be a national pastime among pervy men here. I agree with other commenters that “kids will be kids,” but one day the behavior will become less innocent. It may be a good time to have a gentle talk about general physical boundaries.
In elementary school, boys and girls literally change clothes in front of each other in the same classroom. In pre-school, they change into swimsuits in front of each other. Yes, looking up someone’s skirt is bad behavior, but it’s not anything they haven’t seen before.
I mean, Kancho is a thing at that age too. Try not to look at the behavior of a 6 year old from a 35 year old mind set. Boys will be boys is sort of better said as children will be children. Skirts are floppy and you flop them around at that age anyhow.
Anyhow, first grade is too early to be concerned about that behavior. even in western countries, 8 or 9 is when you really start talking about appropriateness to children. In christianity, it is the age of accountability I think. If that helps give context culturally to western culture.
My wife and I had this debate.
I’m an advocate for spats or shorts under a skirt. That way my daughter can flip, jump, whatever without worries.
My wife says, kids are innocent and it’s the only time they can show off their cute underwear. Wearing shorts kills the fun for children.
The way I see it, the cute underwear is for my daughter’s own entertainment, not to show off.
But my wife said, little girls like to show their underwear to each other so that they can chat about the characters.
It’s a never ending debate between us. So….when I dress my daughter, shorts are added. When my wife dresses her, no shorts.
Ah…..the difficulties of Japanese life.
Having experience in education has jaded me too. I am well aware that there are early bloomer boys who are just as perverted as any middle aged man. And so even though I know it isn’t as common in the younger ages, I do know they exist…..
So your worry is warranted. But to what degree depends on the children who hang around your daughter.
Kids get damn near naked in the classroom when getting ready for swim class so… yeah.
If “so and so” is another 1st year kid in her class I wouldn’t worry or make a big deal of it. But it’s maybe a good opportunity to talk about boundaries and what’s appropriate behavior.
If it’s an older kid or an adult then of course, yeah, making an issue of it would be in order.
If it’s a young boy in elementary school. Yea let it be. They’re very young and are curious and naive and well…little kids. Also there nothing you can do.
Shorts are required under schoolwear in my part of inaka
My daughter wear black pants which are black shirt that you wear under skirts. I think high school girls wear them too. So you don’t need to worry about it.
> I don’t want my daughter to grow up where “skirt-peeking” is normalized.
Then you should consider maybe leaving Japan.
Wait until OP finds out about the 浣腸 game.
Pick literally any anime and this kind of behavior is played up for laughs. The degree to which it’s normalized in media here is insane.
I mean… you’re in the country where children will try to stick their fingers into a teacher helper’s butt (*kanchô*), so…
If it’s people her age, she should tell them it’s not OK, but you shouldn’t worry about it. Adults trying to peek is a different matter, though.
I would have a talk with your daughter to have her let you know if so and so continues to try to see under her skirt. It could just be a boy being curious about underwear or a boy imitating what he sees on an anime (boys trying to see a girl’s panties) but at this age I wouldn’t be worried about associating it with sexual behavior. However it isn’t correct social behavior so it should warrant a conversation with her teacher so that the behavior can be corrected. Elementary school is the time for them to learn correct social behaviors.
This never happened to my daughter, but she wears leggings except when too hot ofc
Normalizing such behavior at an early age perpetuates that behavior.
Go to Ito Yokado or Aeon nearby. Alongside socks and other undergarments, they sell shorts called misepantsu (sounds like “me say pants”). We got these for my 2 daughters. Most schoolgirls wear them under their skirt.
It’s specifically to prevent boys from being boys.
It happened to me as a kid and I absolutely hated it. I’d try to teach your daughter that it is not okay and she can tell them no. If they don’t stop when she says no, she can tell teachers.