Hey! My new roommate is Japanese and I want to know more about cultural differences in terms of apartment rules and etiquette. I am sure everyone is different and has different preferences, so I don’t want this to be mistaken as stereotyping.
She is a very friendly person. I’m usually someone who takes it easy and am not too particular about things, but she told me that me leaving a bowl in the sink was uncomfortable for her (just an example). I don’t want to make her feel uneasy and so are there some cultural rules on doing things (other than personal preferences) so I can make it easier for both of us?
Thank you!!
10 comments
I’m not trying to be a smartass here, but I don’t think there’s anything uniquely Japanese about not wanting dirty dishes around. It sounds like she’s just a tidy person.
First rule for all Asian people is no shoes in the apartment. In Japan the 玄関 (genkan) separates the “outside” from the “inside”, so “outside” footwear has to be removed there.
People are super diverse in every culture, so you’re not going to find some blanket pointer that works for everyone.
However, you will probably find that tidiness is more common. This isn’t a personality thing, but more the fact that Japanese houses/apartments are much smaller than you’re used to, and if you don’t keep things tidy you will quickly run out of surfaces to actually live.
For example, it’s not uncommon that beds need to be set up and stowed away every day, otherwise the room isn’t big enough to physically sit down to do anything else. So having a messy unmade bed sitting there full time might feel uncomfortable to some.
This is doubly the case in shared / public situations. You’ll find public areas in Japan to pretty spotless for example. Nobody wants to be the one that inconveniences someone else with their mess. The sink is “shared” space, so they’re going to default to keeping it clean.
Then again, super messy otaku types with a messy disaster of a private bedroom are a thing in every culture. So hey, your experience may vary.
Ask her, even if she wasn’t Japanese, you should both sit down and go over both of your expectations about cleaning and other house related things.
Tell her that because you are from different cultures she needs to be very specific about what she expects/what her habits are, so you can work together to make things work between you.
If you are someone who smokes/vapes, obviously no culture is going to be 100% the same, but I would avoid doing it in your apartment. Japan has very strict regulations against marijuana and every college-aged Japanese person I’ve spoken to is shocked/disturbed at how common it is overseas. It definitely has a criminal connotation over there, not to mention how much it stinks to people unaccustomed to the smell.
Honestly, in my experience with American roommates doing your dishes right after eating is the norm.
Personally, I would ask her to make a deal. You take her to really good Indian restaurant in exchange for going to a really good Japanese restaurant. Learn through food.
I would honestly just find a roommate agreement/checklist online and both of you fill it out together. My first roommate in college was Japanese too, though she had lived in the US for part of high school, and it made the rest of the year pretty smooth since expectations for both parties were already laid out.
A good checklist should cover everything from quiet hours to cleanliness to even shared items (like food and toiletries) if relevant.
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I saw that you mentioned you are Indian, so thinking of cultural prospective, I think the smell of Indian food may be considered quite strong comparing to Japanese food. That’s the only cultural thing I can think of, but other than that, I think comfort level very much depend on personal level than cultural.