Hey guys, I received a job opportunity out of the blue in Japan in the cyber security field for a company. It seems like a good opportunity for me to gain work and life experience in Japan in the field of cyber security (I already have over 5 years of work experience), but I am unsure whether or not to accept it. While I am inclined towards taking the job, my wife is against the idea. Her concern is that due to the work culture in Japan, I will be at work most of the day and won’t have time to spend with her. She also believes that because of the long work hours, she will mostly be at home without anything to do. I do not want her to work in Japan because we are financially stable, and she does not need to work in Japan because she is financially stable as well. Do you have any recommendations for what she can do while I am at work? We are both religious and do not indulge in parties, alcohol, or staying out late, so going to clubs or bars is out of the equation. She is also concerned about safety in Japan; if she decides to go for a walk while I’m at work, she is afraid that something might happen to her.
Can anyone offer advice and explain more about the work culture in Japan? Has anyone been in a similar situation, and if so, what did your spouse/family do while you were working long hours?
15 comments
Your work hours would depend on the company.
What would be keeping her from volunteering at a church or teach English part time?
>if she decides to go for a walk while I’m at work, she is afraid that something might happen to her.
Do you mean she cannot go out and work by herself?
Japan is one of the safest places in the world. Your wife would have absolutely nothing to worry about going for a walk virtually anywhere in the country at any time of the day or night. Japanese people might talk about ‘dangerous’ places in Tokyo but these are laughable compared to any big city in the US or even Europe. Maybe Monaco and Switzerland are slightly safer but I can’t think of anywhere else.
She is generally correct about work culture, and about being stuck bored by herself. I don’t know why you ‘don’t want her to work’; as a part time or volunteer job could be a good way to meet some people, but I guess that is between you and her. In any case she will have difficulty finding any sort of employment if she doesn’t speak Japanese or find a job with some other niche language that she does speak.
She could join some clubs, study Japanese, shop, explore the city. But non-Japanese trailing spouses in Japan often report (here and everywhere) the same concerns your wife mentions regarding isolation and boredom. Safety and security are _definitely_ not a concern though.
Work culture depends heavily/entirely upon 1) the company, and also 2) the specific team/group in the company. Not all Japanese companies have crazy hours (they might skew towards having bad hours more often than some places, but it’s not a given), and often the foreign-heavy teams and groups within Japanese companies can have notably different work culture from the rest of the company anyway. So basically, you can’t take it as a given that you’ll have bad hours, but that’s one thing you should try to research and question.
The spouse part is liable to much more difficult to answer since in the end the real and most important variable is your spouse, who we don’t know. There are some people who find it incredibly fulfilling to live in and experience other cultures, there are also some people who absolutely cannot bear to step a single toe out of their comfort zone, and only you have the info to perhaps guess where your spouse might be on that spectrum.
Insofar as whether or not there’s things to do in Japan (presumably Tokyo?); it is massive and vibrant and there’s an almost endless amount of things to do; it’s more a question of if someone is outgoing enough to do them and ultimately deal with the potential discomfort of dealing with language barriers to do it.
There are lots of things that your wife could do if she didn’t want to work— volunteer with local organizations, take language classes, join expat sports and activity groups, etc. Japan is a very safe country, she could absolutely walk around outside during the day and night without worry (though using common sense). She could also work (up to 28 hours) on her dependent visa.
However, it may be that regardless of any of this information, she may just not want to move to Japan. It can be very lonely and isolating moving to a new country, and it’s tough to be the trailing spouse. My husband is the trailing spouse and I wouldn’t have taken this job without his enthusiastic “yes!”
So I work in security for a Japanese company and I have flexible hours full work from home from anywhere in Japan. I usually don’t do long hours unless I one really want to finish something I am working on or we are in incident mode. That being said with flex time I often recoup my overtime by leaving early another day.
Note this is true for my company and might not be for others so your concern on working long hours etc. will depend on your company. So do some research on the company.
Now though even with normal work hours and WFH there will be hours your wife will have to entertain yourself so she might want to pick up a hobby or two. Lots of community hobby activities around some with more and less English support. (Learning the local language is also a great time sink)
On the topic of safety, I am from Vienna which is considered a very safe city by European standards and currently live in Tokyo. Comparing both cities Tokyo feels a tiny bit safer specifically the normal areas are both equally safe, but I feel for the seedier areas of the cities Tokyo is less seedy, e.g, in Vienna I’d avoid walking through some streets at night but in Tokyo I haven’t found such a place yet. Though that being said sexual harassment on public transport happens more here.
As general advice though before making this decision make sure your wife is onboard. Moving to a new country is a big life event and changes your environment drastically.
My parents made me walk home from school (in Tokyo) alone since I was like 10 years old or something so I’m sure your wife will be fine. Though if your wife just doesn’t want to live in a foreign country and is making reasons up, I would say you guys would need a lot of talking to do before deciding.
What country is safer than japan?
She needs to be onboard with the whole moving process, as excited as you are to experience new life, otherwise it would be very disappointing. Japan is one of those countries where if you don’t find your passion, you end up really lonely. Language barrier makes it even harder. If you don’t make many friends, it will be difficult, especially for your wife. I’d say look for areas where expats live in abundance, rent an apartment there, ask your company for the support. Another idea is to make a list of places you’d want to travel in Japan, and literally travel to each and every place. Do it for a year or two, and if you still don’t feel like settling here, move back.
About safety, there’s nothing to be scared of. It’s really safe. May depend on the area, but in general residential places are really quite, and safe. My wife takes walks at nights quite freely.
>Her concern is that due to the work culture in Japan, I will be at work most of the day and won’t have time to spend with her.
Different companies have different corporate cultures, so this is something you’d want to clarify with your employer before accepting any offers. How much overtime (if any) is considered normal? Be sure to check vorkers reviews too.
>She also believes that because of the long work hours, she will mostly be at home without anything to do.
What does she enjoy doing now? Is she working now? If so it can be incredibly difficult to adjust to a schedule of not working. Especially with no friends or hobbies to fill the time with.
>if she decides to go for a walk while I’m at work, she is afraid that something might happen to her.
Is this a concern where you are at currently as well? It’s true that women need to maintain a level of vigilance that men do not, but Japan is one of the safest countries in the world. Millions of women travel into, around, and out of Tokyo every single day without issue.
>We are both religious
Religion is a great way to build and maintain social connections. Find a congregation of your religion that you can join?
I wouldn’t recommend moving to Japan unless both partners are 100% on board. There is a lot to consider and it has to be worth it for both people.
For example,
Asking your wife to move means her giving up her friends, family, and support structure for a country that doesn’t speak your language. It’s very easy to become lonely especially for someone without a job. They need to actively pursue finding friends.
You don’t mention kids, but that is something else you really need to consider. Unless your kid goes to an expensive international school, you will have to accept that Japanese will be their stronger language. That has potential implications if you ever plan moving back to your home country. (This only matters if you plan on staying after kindergarden).
Another thing is language will be an issue. Without either parent being fluent in Japanese, everything will be harder. Going to the doctor, buying a house, bank related stuff, taxes, etc. You also have to consider that the process to do everything is different than your home country. You will have to navigate in Japanese because most things have horrible English support.
She is right. It sounds like a dead end perspective.
Hours will be long, most likely, and especially so in IT companies.
If you live in the developed world, living standards in Japan will be most likely below what you’re used to. If you’re going to make good money, have a grasp on the fact that salaries aren’t high in Japan at all and changing jobs will put you in the position when going back abroad would make sense. Besides, working in Japan tends to give you non-transferable skills, which may hurt your future job prospects.
I don’t know other details: say, if it is your first experience it is probably nice to try it for a while, but be aware of the downsides.
Is the company by any chance rakuten?
Just as a little anecdote, I’m female-presenting and Japan is the only country where I’ve ever felt safe walking outside at night alone (coming from the EU). And as for being bored, there’s so much to do and explore in Japan, and there’s a large English-speaking immigrant community, so she would probably be able to make friends, especially if she’s active in the church community. But it seems like she may be unhappy in Japan, since she’s already looking for reasons to dislike it.
>if she decides to go for a walk while I’m at work, she is afraid that something might happen to her.
Where the hell do you guys live now, the *moon*?
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