Paying for the first date

29 comments

1. Doing the rest of us dirty

2. Yes 50/50 is the norm

3. I don’t think it’s strange. When I was dating in Japan, I very rarely had men ask to split. Sometimes they even prepaid if they’d scheduled a course meal.

4. Pay 50/50 (or everyone their own) like it should be.

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   This whole “tHe MaN hAs To PaY” is just stupid.

5. It’s called acting

6. It’s called not being an asshole 

7. I’d let them pay part as a way to make sure they’re not just using me, as often happens.

8. They’re just acting.

9. It’s normal to share and it’s the right thing to do (why do you even question it?).

   I always share unless the girl is a student, baito worker, or >!housewife!<. And even then, many insist in paying, which is nice. Even the love hotel, most don’t mind sharing and still go forwards onto second, third and more dates.

10. They are not surprised. They are polite.

11. My tactic was take enough cash to pay for the date, and offer, but if they push on splitting then I’d let them. A few times the woman would insist on paying, which was cool.

    >In Japan from my experience, they get surprised.

    My view is that they expect 50/50 with foreigners because that’s what people usually say is the norm, so they might be a bit surprised. They might even think you really like them.

12. It’s the standard to split but few people are going to offer more than token protest if you offer to pay. Nobody dislikes saving money and *everyone* should be going out with the assumption they’re paying for their share unless told otherwise, so you’re fine either way.

13. They’re just being polite.

14. Just say ‘betsu betsu’ and embrace your inner chad. Disclaimer: I won’t be held responsible for the lack of hotel romance this results in

15. You’re supposed to pay when they go to the restroom one final time towards the end

16. You just reminded me of a bullet i dodged a few years ago. Met online, organized to meet for the cinema but she wanted to make it clear it wasn’t a date, just a ‘meet in real life and see how it goes’. So didn’t offer to pay for her cinema ticket (not a conscious choice tbh). She messaged me the next day complaining that I didn’t pay for her and how her American friends all said that meant I didn’t like her enough….

    Met my wife shortly after and instantly clicked.

    Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

17. They are pretending to be surprised just to be polite.

    Guaranteed you won’t be seeing them again if you asked them to pay for themselves.

18. That’s how you’re supposed to react when someone offers to pay for something, even if you know they were going to offer to pay for it.

19. On matching apps? Spliting bill becoming more common but I would say 70-80% of Japanese men still offer to pay for dates, so there is nothing strange about it.

    As others said they are just acting to be not arrogant, they are not genuinely suprised. “Show your
    wallet even if you don’t pay” is common motto among Japanese.

    Don’t do hard push though, many women genuinely dislike to be paid for dates especially if they are cheap meals/snacks.

20. It’s a nice gesture and polite to offer to pay, most girls will genuinely appreciate it. If they also insist on paying too, you can split the bill 😊

21. Some girls expect it. Some don’t. There’s no real expectation in Japan I think. I’ve paid 50/50 and sometimes I haven’t.
    The funniest time was when she got out her purse, and I said “no no it’s fine I got this” and she immediately put it away without protest

22. I bet you think strippers like you too!

23. I live in Japan. I (F) prefer to split the bill. Some men are ok with this, and some act like I’ve cut their manhood off.

    Do whatever you’re comfortable with, but in my book it never harms to say “I’d like to get this one, is that ok with you?” or suggest that she buys a drink at the next place. Paying while she’s in the bathroom is weird.

24. Acting! All the way.

    Some people may not but most men pay for dates in japan still. There’s no way they’re actually surprised. Exaggerated reactions are totally a thing here!

25. most places won’t let you split the bill anyways so just be a gentleman, nothing wrong with that. If she insists, tell her that she can pay next time!

26. I always paid if I liked the girl and let her pay half or some if it was just ok .. but if she didn’t offer I saw that as a bad sign

27. 50/50 always

28. They expect you to pay. But they act surprised and grateful so that you do not appear to her as a haughty person who takes it for granted. Pretending to pay is common etiquette here. Though you may actually accept it.

29. You should let her at least split the dinner, it’s more embarrassing for her to shell out cash at the love hotel