Tips on coming out of a long relationship here

Currently pretty much breaking up with my boyfriend. We live together so things are currently not great. He is being quite horrible if I’m being honest, which sucks and is upsetting.

I guess I need to find a new apartment, but it seems I somehow have to keep living in this unpleasant situation until I do. How do couples who live together usually deal with moving out? Especially when not on good terms. Not Japan related but I just feel so overwhelmed. I mean, it’ll take a while to sort out and I don’t really have friends I can stay with for a long period of time. Sigh. We’ve been together 4 years and this is my first and only serious relationship and breakup. No idea what I’m doing.

Feel really out of my depth with all of this. I’m so sad. I love this man but there’s nothing I can do. He’s travelled back to England and met my whole family. I thought were going to get married. Ugh. Dunno. I don’t have many friends to turn to as most people I know have moved away or left Japan at this point, and I don’t want to worry my mum yet.

I guess I’m looking for advice and also maybe some experiences of people who left long-term relationships here and how you got your life back on track. Everything just seems impossible.

Sorry for bringing the mood down!

13 comments
  1. How about going to a shared house while you look for something better?

    I also had a recent breakup, just last month. After my first serious relationship fell apart, I learned to be more careful about whom to introduce to my friends, and family is a big no-no.

  2. Breaking up with a long-term partner can be incredibly difficult, especially when you live together. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about what to do next. However, there are some steps you can take to make the process a little easier.

    Firstly, take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and doing things that make you happy. This is a tough time, so it’s important to prioritize your well-being.

    Next, start thinking about your living situation and how you can transition to a new apartment. Look for places that fit your budget and preferences, or consider subletting or finding a roommate to share costs.

    It’s also important to seek support during this time. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for help. Having a support system can make a big difference.

    If your partner is being difficult, it’s important to set boundaries and communicate your needs clearly. Consider talking to a mediator or counselor to help you navigate this process.

    Finally, try to focus on the future and the positive aspects of moving forward. This can be a chance to pursue your goals, explore new hobbies, and meet new people.

    Remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and uncertain during this time. Take things one step at a time, and be kind to yourself. You’ll get through this.

  3. Your boyfriend is the ossan obsessed dude right? Breaking up sucks but you can find a much better guy for sure.

  4. If the decision to part is amicable, hopefully you would be able to discuss the logistics of moving out.

    Depending on how much stuff you (don’t) have, perhaps look into a sharehouse.

    If you think or feel it would be necessary to relocate with very little, or even no notice, you will have to leave many things behind. Try to organize your most critical belongings, and keep them safely (passport, bankbooks, hanko, ATM/credit cards, any certificates/transcripts/id cards), one bag to carry it all in, some cash, and a change of clothes or two. Everything else can be figured out later.

  5. Recently broke up after my first long and serious relationship as well.

    We didn’t move in before breakup. The breakup was more progressively since we tried to get back and tried to fix it but didnt work out in the end

    We ended it on good terms – no one blocked anyone on social medias and also offer the other helps if they need any in the future

    The way I’m using to lessen the breakup pain is distracting myself with other things (works/studying) and hanging out with friends and other hobbies

    If you need someone to talk to I’m open to it.

  6. I think you should leave as soon as possible. Dont put yourself through extra, unnecessary stress/risk. If you can afford, look immediately at sharehouses/airbnb/hotel. Make sure you have your documents/bank stuff and whatever else you think is important with you. Maybe you cant bring all your stuff right now, but you should prioritize your safety first (emotional/physical).

    This might help, imagine someone you love is going through your situation, it could be a relative, a friend etc. I imagine you’d do your best to put your emotions aside and focus on being objective, to help them reach a better place asap. You said you don’t have a lot friends here, well, time to be your own best friend and do for yourself, what you’d do for your family/friends. There will be plenty of time to be feeling horrible, to cry, to revaluate everything, but now ain’t that time. THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY, but eventually it will get better and life will go on. You are gonna meet other people and this will be a distant memory, from which I hope you learned many valuable lessons.

    Accept your new reality, embrace it and start acting now. Life is too short, my friend. I’m glad you are reaching out to vent and seek support.

    After you arrive on your safe temporary/permanent place, reach out to your friends/family/therapists etc. Take care of yourself and move forward always, after all we can’t change the past. My last piece of advice is to cut contacts with this person for good and just move on. I wish you good luck!

  7. > How do couples who live together usually deal with moving out?

    First you find an apartment and then you move out. It usually takes a week or two. If you’re the one that has the lease, you let your landlord know that you’re moving out.

  8. 1. Just the tip (no really I promise)

    2. Unless you’ve got friends you can stay with you are indeed stuck in an unpleasant situation until you can get other accomidations.

    3. Start looking immediatly. Hopefully you’ve got some savings from the current living situation to make things easier on you.

    4. Weekly mansions/share houses/etc with your belongings in storage (hellostorage is relatively inexpensive and has storage locations everywhere) are an option if things get particularly nasty.

    5. Sorry you’re going through this, hey at least you’re not married/have kids/etc. right?

  9. Find some temporary housing ASAP like a share house or weekly/monthly apartment if they are in your area.

  10. I have done this before for a 3.5 year relationship. If you live in a 2LDK go ahead and just separate your living space right away and sleep in different rooms. I bought a air mattress for my time. If the apartment is not in your name your even more in the clear. Try to get out in 30-60 days. If you don’t have a lot of money or things go ahead and get a share house. I had lots of stuff so wasn’t really an option for me. Prior to living together we agreed if we separate we will have two months to leave. Maybe not an issue for you but deny any sex they offer. Since she was abusive when I moved out I actually took a day off cleaned the apartment and moved out when she was at work. Just leave your last months rent on the counter. Once she confirmed she received the money and yelled and me for leaving I blocked her on everything and have never contacted her again.

  11. weekly mansion or airbnb

    if it’s hard to move all your stuff, put some in storage like a trunk room or sumally pocket

  12. If you’re on a budget and need to get away, look for local manga cafes or å¿«æ´»CLUB places. They usually have cheap night rates, so you can spend the day at your apartment, at work, or just out at Starbucks or whatever, then spend the night cheaply at the manga cafe.

  13. I moved here with a girlfriend. After about three years of living together I found out she was cheating. So that was that, and I moved into a sharehouse that wasn’t too far away. Took a few weeks to find it and move in, maybe a month tops. These few weeks were difficult, I wont lie. We were both very emotional and obviously I had to contain my anger at times. I spent a lot of time outside of the house, and a few weekends I went out just drinking and sleeping at hotels. I downloaded Tinder right away and went in a date although I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that!

    My name wasn’t on the rent agreement, so left her to deal with that. Only heard back from her when she herself moved out – she never asked for my key and she said she was going to be charged 30,000 yen if she couldn’t return it. I had long since lost it so I just blanked her.

    Looking back, it was for the best. I didn’t even like living here that much before all that happened. But when I settled down into a single life, I had a fucking blast. I went out a lot, saw new things and met a lot of new people.

    It was ok really, just had to get out of there first of all and then the next few months were a bit tough at times, but as I say I started to have way more fun. Everyone who moves here should try being single once or twice.

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