Why does doing what you want in life and being happy have to result in drama and fall out with siblings. I feel my brother will never forgive me for moving here, and his temper will just get worse as time goes on.
That sucks. Sorry they aren’t supportive. Sounds like he can either accept it and be happy for you, or create a rift that he will regret later on.
Yup. I get it all the time. It sucks.
Yeah my family doesn’t give a fuck that I left
I’m sorry they’re like that.
My immediate family has always been 100% supportive, but I’ve had some other relatives who weren’t. But I don’t care what they think. I’m glad I moved here. I’m happy.
Their problem, not yours. If your brother’s temper is really getting worse because you want to experience the world and he wants to keep his existing, no doubt boring, way of life then he needs professional help. You only get one shot at life.
As my parents are getting older I’m more tired of guilt tripping myself.
Family has always been supportive. One of my close friends though gave me the cold shoulder on numerous occasions.
It is what it is, but the day I move back closer again, shit won’t be forgotten.
I feel you, after 9 yrs here I’m still considered the family’s black sheep, a traitor of the country and a spineless twit. Remember that , as painful as it might be, going no contact is totally an option.
I have the same problem with my brothers. They bitched constantly about me leaving the US to live in Japan and then stopped talking to me altogether after my Japanese partner and I got legally married.
Without going into much detail, not my case. Everyone is happier we have more reasons to not see or speak to eachother.
My mom is an immigrant to my home country so they are all cool and understanding. They do often suggest visiting more but that’s understandable
My family thinks I am rich af. Uniqlo employees make more than me. Lol
My parents live abroad themselves so they don’t care.
But I do have one great uncle who keeps saying “I really wish you’d move back home to Colorado before I die…” never mind that I and even my parents have never lived in Colorado in our lives.
Are they guilt tripping you or just miss you?
I talk with my grandmother a lot and she always asks me when I’m coming back lol…she tones it down a little now but I know that it’s because she’s lonely.
I’m going back this year because I would like to be there for her last years.
Sure I would love to just stay in Japan but it just kind of feels like something I have to do you know?
People going nowhere in life, growing up, living and dying in the same city, often resent those who travel the world seeking their dreams.
It’s up to you, and them, if you both want to maintain a constant connection. If not, more often than not, you’d be ‘out of sight, out of mind…’
I’ve found Amazon Echo Show devices pretty nifty, and more importantly, extremely user friendly for my elderly parents. A simple voice command, and we’re video chatting; and by enabling “drop-in” permissions, it gives us peace of mind that we can always check in on each other anytime. We also have [Google Location Sharing](https://support.google.com/maps/answer/7326816) enabled on our phones, so we can easily see if the other person is home, or out.
I learnt about them early on in the pandemic. Another friend of mine got a set for his parents, and they kept their living rooms “virtually connected” 24/7, allowing the grandparents and grand kids to interact daily when they had to refrain from visiting each other. They would put it on the dining room table, and eat meals together and talk during that time.
That said, regardless of where your family is on planet earth, in extreme dire emergencies, it would be possible for you to be by their side within 24 to 72 hours.
Yes, living in a another country is not quite the same as living in a different suburb, or a different city, or a different state; but in the grand scheme of things, with how interconnected the world is today, it’s really not all that different either. It’s possible to bridge it virtually with various devices and technology, but, the bottom line on bridging that distance physically, is money (and time).
Look up the YouTube video “holoportation: virtual 3D teleportation in real-time (Microsoft Research)”. It was published ~7 years ago, and I do think the tech will only get better over time.
Love my family, but don’t love the roles they’d decided for me. (Eg. Savior/Scapegoat) In my case, it makes going low contact a lot easier.
What’s his problem with you moving here?
My parents, at almost every FaceTime session, try to guilt trip me into coming back home.
“We miss you. We want you to be closer. Aren’t you tired of Japan? How much longer do you think you want to be in Japan? What’s so great about Japan? You can find similar jobs back home. Aren’t you homesick? You remember you had a crush on so and so? They’re still single so maybe you can come back to marry them. We want you to come back. We really miss you. We want to see you more often. We don’t want you to be miserable being single in Japan. You should come back. And take care of us.”
They don’t believe me when I tell them I’m having the time of my life here. 🙄
They didn’t have time to see me or visit when I lived in America. Why should I care that they whine about not being close enough to visit now?
Warning, you may not like this take. It means they’re shitty people. The shittyness was always there, but when you moved, you became the target for it.
This isn’t the freaking 19th century where the family must stay together at all costs so that all the chores on the farm get done and the family won’t starve. You don’t get to choose who your blood-relatives are, but why does being related to them give them a pass for being assholes?
You don’t need to keep toxic people in your life, and you don’t owe them shit.
I feel ya. My mom has been “guilt tripping” me to return back home even before I left for Japan.
Ugh I know just what you mean. I plan on making the move in the next year or so and my parents are always making passive aggressive comments about me moving so far away and making it about them. I just came back from a two week trip and when I told them I had a great time and couldn’t wait to go back, they got all disappointed because they thought/hoped I would hate it and decide to stay. They keep saying they want me to be happy, but they also keep trying to get me to stay.
They’ll even look up Japan news and pick out anything negative that happens and be sure to tell me about it. Or mention how my so and so cousin or whomever is graduating next year and we should all go to see the family, “but you probably won’t be here here anymore to go” type of stuff. This all just serves to make me want to accelerate my move even more.
At the end of the day, you just gotta do what makes you happy, and if they can’t be supportive of that then that’s on them. I can’t let them guilt trip me, and neither should you. Keep on with what you’re doing! I wish the best for you and hope I can do the same
Imagine growing up in the most dysfunctional family with the most narcissistic parents on the face of the planet (who’s phone lock screen is a photo of **THEMSELVES,** this goes for my oldest sibling as well)
​
Yeah when I make the move to JP in about a year here I will laugh anytime they try to guilt trip me back home.
Hahahahaha, I had this same complaint until one of my siblings decided to actually reproduce. Now a sweet, innocent baby is surrounded by my insane family while I chill on the other side of the earth. Worrying and guilt now take up most of my free time.
I wish. I WISH my family would call me. Visit. Talk to me. Anything.
The dichotomy between my lived life in the states and my life I’m living now is insane.
That being said, no there’s no falling out with anyone. I just have an abnormally large family that makes little to no effort like a massive burnout.
My parents don’t think anything I do is a good idea, so I just stopped telling them what I’m doing. They are miserable pieces of shit who only get joy from bullying and putting people down. Also why is your brother so angry you came here? Jealousy perhaps? Either way, you’re in another country, don’t let them control your emotions from so far away.
My mother stopped talking to me for a year after I moved to Japan six years ago, so I could only communicate with my father. Things are better now (and they are about to visit me after all this time) but yes.. They always blame me for leaving.
Your brother needs to get over the fact the world doesn’t revolve around him. My family misses me but they’d never pull any shit like that, and if they did I’d ditch them like that. Fortunately, they’re basically supportive of me so I never really dealt with that shit.
hes angry that you are doing what you want in life and being happy
either that or he just misses you and has the emotional intelligence of a toddler
I was guilt tripped into moving back home in 2011 and I am still salty about it today – even though I came back and had the best work year ever in 2019-2020 & am now working in a great job – I am still very much salty about that.
Generally my family is very supportive. Sounds like you should make your own family that cares about you at least as much as themselves.
I have been here a while. Had a kid 4 years ago. We are visiting American grandparents this June and it is absolutely costing an arm and a leg. It is so expensive. I want my child to play with Grammy and Pop-pop but I absolutely do not want to go to America. Aside from seeing my family I don’t feel any desire to go.
I haven’t been to America for about 7 years. This is the first time I am not looking forward to going. I don’t even want to go shopping, and there is no food or other things I can’t get in Japan now. When I first arrived in Japan there were two Starbucks….in the country. People were lined up for blocks and blocks to get coffee. Going back to America at this time was fun and I could stock up on things. Now it is just hard, expensive and I will have to deal with lots of…well, to put it bluntly, Americans.
My kid needs to see where Daddy is from and spend time with the grandparents but we were guilt tripped into returning to America this time. Other than this specific example I feel like my family has been ok and hasn’t guilt tripped me so much. I will have to read my parents’ will though and have the talk again. It is important. I don’t enjoy it.
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That sucks. Sorry they aren’t supportive. Sounds like he can either accept it and be happy for you, or create a rift that he will regret later on.
Yup. I get it all the time. It sucks.
Yeah my family doesn’t give a fuck that I left
I’m sorry they’re like that.
My immediate family has always been 100% supportive, but I’ve had some other relatives who weren’t. But I don’t care what they think. I’m glad I moved here. I’m happy.
Their problem, not yours. If your brother’s temper is really getting worse because you want to experience the world and he wants to keep his existing, no doubt boring, way of life then he needs professional help. You only get one shot at life.
As my parents are getting older I’m more tired of guilt tripping myself.
Family has always been supportive.
One of my close friends though gave me the cold shoulder on numerous occasions.
It is what it is, but the day I move back closer again, shit won’t be forgotten.
I feel you, after 9 yrs here I’m still considered the family’s black sheep, a traitor of the country and a spineless twit. Remember that , as painful as it might be, going no contact is totally an option.
I have the same problem with my brothers. They bitched constantly about me leaving the US to live in Japan and then stopped talking to me altogether after my Japanese partner and I got legally married.
Without going into much detail, not my case. Everyone is happier we have more reasons to not see or speak to eachother.
My mom is an immigrant to my home country so they are all cool and understanding. They do often suggest visiting more but that’s understandable
My family thinks I am rich af. Uniqlo employees make more than me. Lol
My parents live abroad themselves so they don’t care.
But I do have one great uncle who keeps saying “I really wish you’d move back home to Colorado before I die…” never mind that I and even my parents have never lived in Colorado in our lives.
Are they guilt tripping you or just miss you?
I talk with my grandmother a lot and she always asks me when I’m coming back lol…she tones it down a little now but I know that it’s because she’s lonely.
I’m going back this year because I would like to be there for her last years.
Sure I would love to just stay in Japan but it just kind of feels like something I have to do you know?
People going nowhere in life, growing up, living and dying in the same city, often resent those who travel the world seeking their dreams.
It’s up to you, and them, if you both want to maintain a constant connection. If not, more often than not, you’d be ‘out of sight, out of mind…’
I’ve found Amazon Echo Show devices pretty nifty, and more importantly, extremely user friendly for my elderly parents. A simple voice command, and we’re video chatting; and by enabling “drop-in” permissions, it gives us peace of mind that we can always check in on each other anytime. We also have [Google Location Sharing](https://support.google.com/maps/answer/7326816) enabled on our phones, so we can easily see if the other person is home, or out.
I learnt about them early on in the pandemic. Another friend of mine got a set for his parents, and they kept their living rooms “virtually connected” 24/7, allowing the grandparents and grand kids to interact daily when they had to refrain from visiting each other. They would put it on the dining room table, and eat meals together and talk during that time.
That said, regardless of where your family is on planet earth, in extreme dire emergencies, it would be possible for you to be by their side within 24 to 72 hours.
Yes, living in a another country is not quite the same as living in a different suburb, or a different city, or a different state; but in the grand scheme of things, with how interconnected the world is today, it’s really not all that different either. It’s possible to bridge it virtually with various devices and technology, but, the bottom line on bridging that distance physically, is money (and time).
Look up the YouTube video “holoportation: virtual 3D teleportation in real-time (Microsoft Research)”. It was published ~7 years ago, and I do think the tech will only get better over time.
Love my family, but don’t love the roles they’d decided for me. (Eg. Savior/Scapegoat)
In my case, it makes going low contact a lot easier.
What’s his problem with you moving here?
My parents, at almost every FaceTime session, try to guilt trip me into coming back home.
“We miss you. We want you to be closer. Aren’t you tired of Japan? How much longer do you think you want to be in Japan? What’s so great about Japan? You can find similar jobs back home. Aren’t you homesick? You remember you had a crush on so and so? They’re still single so maybe you can come back to marry them. We want you to come back. We really miss you. We want to see you more often. We don’t want you to be miserable being single in Japan. You should come back. And take care of us.”
They don’t believe me when I tell them I’m having the time of my life here. 🙄
They didn’t have time to see me or visit when I lived in America. Why should I care that they whine about not being close enough to visit now?
Warning, you may not like this take. It means they’re shitty people. The shittyness was always there, but when you moved, you became the target for it.
This isn’t the freaking 19th century where the family must stay together at all costs so that all the chores on the farm get done and the family won’t starve. You don’t get to choose who your blood-relatives are, but why does being related to them give them a pass for being assholes?
You don’t need to keep toxic people in your life, and you don’t owe them shit.
I feel ya. My mom has been “guilt tripping” me to return back home even before I left for Japan.
Ugh I know just what you mean. I plan on making the move in the next year or so and my parents are always making passive aggressive comments about me moving so far away and making it about them. I just came back from a two week trip and when I told them I had a great time and couldn’t wait to go back, they got all disappointed because they thought/hoped I would hate it and decide to stay. They keep saying they want me to be happy, but they also keep trying to get me to stay.
They’ll even look up Japan news and pick out anything negative that happens and be sure to tell me about it. Or mention how my so and so cousin or whomever is graduating next year and we should all go to see the family, “but you probably won’t be here here anymore to go” type of stuff. This all just serves to make me want to accelerate my move even more.
At the end of the day, you just gotta do what makes you happy, and if they can’t be supportive of that then that’s on them. I can’t let them guilt trip me, and neither should you. Keep on with what you’re doing! I wish the best for you and hope I can do the same
Imagine growing up in the most dysfunctional family with the most narcissistic parents on the face of the planet (who’s phone lock screen is a photo of **THEMSELVES,** this goes for my oldest sibling as well)
​
Yeah when I make the move to JP in about a year here I will laugh anytime they try to guilt trip me back home.
Hahahahaha, I had this same complaint until one of my siblings decided to actually reproduce. Now a sweet, innocent baby is surrounded by my insane family while I chill on the other side of the earth. Worrying and guilt now take up most of my free time.
I wish. I WISH my family would call me. Visit. Talk to me. Anything.
The dichotomy between my lived life in the states and my life I’m living now is insane.
That being said, no there’s no falling out with anyone. I just have an abnormally large family that makes little to no effort like a massive burnout.
My parents don’t think anything I do is a good idea, so I just stopped telling them what I’m doing. They are miserable pieces of shit who only get joy from bullying and putting people down. Also why is your brother so angry you came here? Jealousy perhaps? Either way, you’re in another country, don’t let them control your emotions from so far away.
My mother stopped talking to me for a year after I moved to Japan six years ago, so I could only communicate with my father. Things are better now (and they are about to visit me after all this time) but yes.. They always blame me for leaving.
Your brother needs to get over the fact the world doesn’t revolve around him. My family misses me but they’d never pull any shit like that, and if they did I’d ditch them like that. Fortunately, they’re basically supportive of me so I never really dealt with that shit.
hes angry that you are doing what you want in life and being happy
either that or he just misses you and has the emotional intelligence of a toddler
I was guilt tripped into moving back home in 2011 and I am still salty about it today – even though I came back and had the best work year ever in 2019-2020 & am now working in a great job – I am still very much salty about that.
Generally my family is very supportive. Sounds like you should make your own family that cares about you at least as much as themselves.
I have been here a while. Had a kid 4 years ago. We are visiting American grandparents this June and it is absolutely costing an arm and a leg. It is so expensive. I want my child to play with Grammy and Pop-pop but I absolutely do not want to go to America. Aside from seeing my family I don’t feel any desire to go.
I haven’t been to America for about 7 years. This is the first time I am not looking forward to going. I don’t even want to go shopping, and there is no food or other things I can’t get in Japan now. When I first arrived in Japan there were two Starbucks….in the country. People were lined up for blocks and blocks to get coffee. Going back to America at this time was fun and I could stock up on things. Now it is just hard, expensive and I will have to deal with lots of…well, to put it bluntly, Americans.
My kid needs to see where Daddy is from and spend time with the grandparents but we were guilt tripped into returning to America this time. Other than this specific example I feel like my family has been ok and hasn’t guilt tripped me so much. I will have to read my parents’ will though and have the talk again. It is important. I don’t enjoy it.