When reading the air*
Was curious about in Japanese culture when out drinking or enjoying anything specifically social (not professional) if there are any taboo conversation topics to avoid with locals other than the obvious?
I’m my home country politics, conspiracies, and religion of course can be a complete buzz kill with the majority.
From experience can anyone share where they perhaps experienced a poor social result based on conversation choice?
Something unknowingly to a westerner with less than a few years residence?
25 comments
Japanese people tend to avoid money, deep personal problems, politics (cause people don’t have answers) and maybe about religion but more specifically about cults. Though this is gonna differ from person to person and what kind of party it is. If it’s a Nomi Kai then avoiding most of the above is doable but if it’s your bud then it may vary.
Debates of any kind, really.
Even casual, friendly debates that feel more like intellectual discussions will make the average Japanese person feel uncomfortable.
Just avoid until you know them well enough to see that they’re an exception to this rule.
You should avoid saying anything overly negative about anything. Even a simple “Damn, that movie sucked!” can hurt the feelings of someone who happened to like that movie.
Basically, when drinking, Japanese people tell funny stories about themselves and/or each other.
Sometimes, conversations turn to relationships and if much drink has been had, sexual matters are discussed.
Burakumin. You can end up really hurting people if you bring it up.
I find insightful comments about the weather go down well. Also don’t mention the war.
Don’t talk about the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.
In my experience, anything that sort of puts Japan in a negative light or pop their “Japan is the best” balloon, is a no-no. For example, when they say the typical “Japan is famous for its four seasons” and you say “I’m sure there are also other countries with four seasons, too.” I’ve had people find offense in that and defensively say, “but Japan’s is different!” Or when they say “Japanese tourists are the best in the world. Because we’re all so 真面目so we respect other countries’ culture”, yet when I show them articles about how some Japanese tourists have acted wild or disrespectful, they frown and say that they’re not “the real Japanese.” Sorry for the rant haha.
I also remember my coworker annoyingly asking “why am I in Japan” when I casually mentioned how overworking to death (karoshi) is a thing here lmao. It’s like they know it’s true but don’t want to face it? I dunno.
Tbh, that could be a thing anywhere and it could also depend on the person, but I do feel most people here seem to find it more offensive. Maybe like another commenter say, anything that could turn into a debate is a buzzkill.
Am not an expert but I think anything tentacle hentai related.
Ive been lucky enough to find Japanese people to have deep conversations about politics, history (ww2 was especially refreshing to hear a balanced take) and philosophy. Though I just had a feeling they were those types of people, same wavelength like a spidey sense.
A lot of comments mentioning don’t mention bad things about Japan or just negative talk in general. I believe it’s because for a lot of people (not just Japanese people), deep down they already know shit is bad and are purposely being ignorant of it so having someone remind them, is ruining their effort to forget about it. I had a quite a few conversations with people about this and while I disagree with their way of handling things, that’s how they would prefer to live.
I found that no one really enjoys it if you complain a lot. For example, your job.
Honestly, anything below surface-level.
Just keep it light hearted and shallow.
Any controversial topic, and I mean any.
Any debate.
Any critique of anything.
Anything concerning emperor, in any context.
Anything supernatural, some people tend to get scared.
Yeah, there is no concept of “friendly debate”
People tend to get offended if you disagree with them on any point
I see a lot of tactlessness in these comments, so it’s no surprise to me that some of you get less than ideal reactions. Remember, we’re in THEIR country. Because we’re all so obviously foreign, any discussion of topics about Japan in general can be perceived as commentary on the person you’re speaking to and not just the country.
People who grow up in western countries, especially younger people, can sometimes express ideas without really thinking about how the delivery of those ideas might impact others. Often times, if you get a negative reaction, it’s the way you said something, not so much the subject matter of what you were discussing.
Just food for thought. And by the way, this phenomenon we’re discussing is not exclusive to Japan. You’ll find the same thing in other East Asian countries.
Intellectual debates go out the window. You’ll end up frustrated and will probably get shut down with the old “you don’t understand because you’re not Japanese” etc.
You gotta get ready to accommodate a lot of base level humor. Oppai and chinko hurdy durr type shit.
The most important thing is to consider Japanese people’s comfort above everything.
Most people here tend to take sides first, then argue.
In other cultures you present an argument first, then you can make a decision after.
The problem with presenting your argument too soon is that you will put other people in a bind. If they fail to defend themselves, they will feel pressure. If they choose not to be in the defensive and instead try to debunk you, they will also feel pressure.
They will think once a disagreement is out, it’s going to be an irreversible all out war, even if you are certain that everyone is in a safe space.
You certainly shouldn’t talk about any wars, racial topics, religion and national security issues with anyone you don’t know. Some people can take baseball quite personally so that too. Don’t actively ask about where they went for vacation, where they work, where they live, and what school their kids attend, because these topics can reveal their income level. You wait for them to talk about these things first. Ironically it can be okay to talk about illnesses, and changes in physical appearance, because these topics are unlikely to suggest that they are weak, and in fact can create an illusion you personally care about them.
*In west japan* almost anything is okay, all comes down to your charisma and if the participants have more critical mind than a tropical fruit, then smile and go for it really no worries
Actually I just wrote this comment after a nice dinner and drinks with pretty interesting people so my opinion may be biased a bit
Don’t ever, for any reason, say anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been… ever, for any reason whatsoever…
Some of these comments remind me of a character in a Japanese TV show. It’s on Netflix and the English title is My Dear Exes. His name is Shinshin. He’s always asking why something is the way it is. Everyone finds him to be annoying and negative af. Probably try not to be like him.
What constitutes friendly debates though? Like I’m Asian American so I dabble in both sides, but sometimes when I hang out with other foreigners, their “friendly debates” aren’t so friendly
I’ve never had a problem discussing something with Japanese people, Korean people, etc if you keep your tone and word choice friendly, while also being understanding of the other party. You have to play the word game so let’s say you want to express that you think Japanese people are too shy or whatever, you have to:
insert filler about how you’re troubled by something, insert anecdote, then say so “I feel like Japanese people can be too shy or indirect, i don’t know what do you think? I don’t have much experience so I don’t really know”
then they’ll say something and you gotta drop some aizuchis and even if you don’t agree you say I see I see thanks
and then move on to something else, or if you both feel it might get frictiony you change topics
meanwhile if I talk about lets say my british friend about something, he might just say “japanese people are too fucking shy and indirect, and if you disagree you don’t know shite” lol
Avoid the topics you mentioned and go for the weather. We’ve just left “Samui desu ne” time of the year, heading fast into “Atsui desu ne” season, it’s the perfect conversation topic.
Sex life. Relationships.
I used to be a barkeep’s assistant in Okayama.
Majority of the clientele was Japanese, and a lot of people just came to see me the big foreign person working there.
These three salary folk (Head honcho, Ayumi and Toshi-names made up) came in after a long day and the head honcho brought up Trump (this was shortly after he was elected). Toshi was so uncomfortable, he didn’t say a word and was almost offended when I tried to pull him into the conversation.
Ayumi went suuuper deep and talked about how trumps policies would turn America into Japan, where foreigners are treated differently. Head Honcho agreed and once again tried to pull Toshi into the conversation. Toshi was so uncomfortable he left the bar and walked back to his hotel.
I asked Head Honcho if I did/said anything to make him feel uncomfortable. He said (roughly translated): to each their own, i love these conversations, some people can’t handle em, I don’t really like that guy anyway.
Then he and Ayumi started making out in the bar, I mean really going at it.
Lol the last part is obviously not true with the making out, but it’s truly 十人十色 (many people, many minds) dude. Feel out conversations and go from there. Some people can handle controversial topics, others can’t. Some can handle intellectual debate, others can’t.
I feel really sad seeing people saying no debates, I can’t imagine not debating with my Japanese friends. Maybe it’s where I met my now homies, but disagreement and arguing is a huge part of our relationship and we appreciate each other for it.