Hi all,
An old friend and prior workmate has invited me to her ‘casual wedding party’ next month.
She already did 入籍 (marriage registration), and described this party as casual – even jeans are ok to wear.
It’ll be held in a bar/restaurant that seems to specialise in natural wines, craft beer and western fusion cuisine, seems mid range not too fancy. As it’s not a full day affair at a wedding hall or hotel, I believe her when she says it’s not formal.
So now I’m wondering, what’s an appropriate gift? There’s a 5,000 会費 (fee) I assume to cover the dinner. I’m also flying to Kyushu for the event.
I’ve read online that 30,000 JPY in new notes is appropriate for a single guest. Also that even numbers like 20,000 are considered bad luck. I’m nervous about going too high or low with the gift and creating any awkwardness.
What’s the expectation these days in a scenario like this?
Yoroshiku!
9 comments
If it’s just a party and not the actual wedding ceremony, you’re generally not expected to pay anything beyond the party fee.
One way of thinking is that the money gift is to help cover the lunch/dinner/wedding ceremony costs that you’re participating in.
If they don’t charge a fee, bring money gift.
If they charge a fee, money gift is not expected.
Personal experience:
1. Full wedding ceremony and reception at hotel, 5 course meal, no upfront fee, gave money gift.
2. Semi-casual wedding at a cafe with standing buffet, no upfront fee, gave money gift.
3. Casual party at bar with standing buffet, upfront fee 10,000yen, no money gift.
(Still brought it just in case, but no one was giving)
Don’t give ¥20,000, either ¥10,000 or ¥30,000 basically starting digit with odd numbers. Same for number of bills should be odd numbers not even. As you are flying to attend the event and hosts are aware of it, you most probably don’t need to pay anything, but I would still offer ¥5,000 to ¥10,000. It is likely hosts might even give you enough money back to cover portion of travel cost.
just buy them a pair of imabari bath towels and gift wrap it. if you visit nice department stores, they have a whole floor of possible gifts for weddings.
I don’t think anything more than the cover fee is expected.
You could always gift them a card, or those pair mugs or towels or high-end miso soup packets they sell in those department store gift shops. But in my experience the kinds of people who celebrate with these casual functions are the types who want to avoid faffing around with the pomp and circumstance like having to give guests something in return for their gifts.
If there’s an entrance fee, that sounds more like a nijikai and you should only pay the entrance fee.
Esp. if you’re traveling long distance for the event.
In my experience this kind of pary can be considered nijikai and since you will be paying upfront for the party fee/meals, they dont expect you to give anything include gifts. Even if you want to give something, better to give it in other occasion/personally, e.g you send a gift catalogue to them directly and let them choose things they like/need.
Ask them if they will be receiving gifts (money).
A condom. With a note saying “thank me later”