how do i practice speaking when i can barely hold a conversation in english?

13 comments

1. You should probably work on the social anxiety first. Do what scares you, put yourself out there. Like anything, it’ll get easier the more you do it.

2. A lot of practice and some therapy. The therapy doesn’t replace the practice, but it helps you to prepare and to reflect on what you did and how you felt.

3. vtubers

4. Try to practice the things that make you anxious, but do so in a structured manner. Like an experiment.

   This means that beforehand you write down what you are most scared will happen and what would be the evidence that this came true. E.g. ‘I will start a conversation about my weekend with a colleague’. ‘I’m afraid they’ll find it boring’. ‘If they indeed find it boring I would notice that by ‘them yawning, walking away, not responding’.

   Then you go do the thing and afterwards you’ll write down what it really went like and if your negative thought came true. So going back to our example; ‘I had a fun conversation. People were not bored. They asked questions about what I’d done and responded positively’.

   Why is it so important to write down beforehand the exact evidence you ask? People with social anxiety have a habit of turning their attention inward when in social contact. This does 2 things. 1) you only become more anxious because you are continuously judging/evaluating everything you do and 2) They use this internal information to generate their opinion of how the other feels as well. Aka I feel awkward > they found this awkward. While in reality the other person might have been perfectly fine. This makes it important to try and direct your attention outwards which helps both with feeling less anxious & getting more realistic feedback rather than just relying on your own feelings. Writing these things down beforehand and afterward like a science experiment helps with that.

   As others have mentioned this can be difficult to do on your own, so if possible getting the help of a therapist would be really good!

5. Look into joining something toastmasters. It’s an international public speaking club. Tons of people join because they have the same problem as you. They have social anxiety and want to be more comfortable speaking in public. Even if you’re not going to be giving speeches in your life the skills are a direct translation.

6. Having conversations with AI would honestly be great for this, practice different settings and situations until you built up your confidence, check out gopenpal.ai for some extra functionality or just chatgpt while it is still free!

7. I actually find speaking in a new language easier in terms of social anxiety because the focus isn’t so much on you or the content of the conversation itself but the language being used. There’s less pressure to have social bravado when every learner is going to be stumbling their way through the language anyways. Also because your brain is struggling so much with the language it doesn’t have time to spend being socially self-conscious. The conversations also tend to move slower. Once you become fluent, that’s a different story. Ironically, speaking in a new language may be a great way to overcome social anxiety, since everyone is so forgiving.

8. I have a similar problem with maybe a small difference: When I have business to conduct with someone, I can carry on a conversation without a problem. Once the immediate business is concluded though, my mind (almost ..lol..) literally goes blank and I can’t think of a thing to say.

   To practice speaking, I used a tutor on italki because I do want to be able to carry on *ad hoc* conversations. I explained my issue, that they needed to take the lead in the conversations, and they were happy to oblige. This worked pretty well for me.

   …also, I’ll second the recommendation for Toastmasters.

9. Alcohol

10. I had a 2 hour conversation in English (which isn’t my native language) and I’m fairly certain it went rather well. The fact I was drunk probably helped with my anxiety tho

11. You just do it. Then do it again… then you do it again. Boom you’re speaking fine.

12. this is the realest post on this sub

13. Try coming up with imaginary conversations and practice them in the mirror, or try to record yourself saying them. Try rehearsing what you would like to order at a restaurant, or come up with how you’d respond to, “なぜ日本語を勉強していますか？” for example.

    After you’ve come up with a lot of phrases, if you can, find someone who can speak both Japanese and English who’s willing to help you with your Japanese, or get a tutor online. Ask them things like, “If somebody asked me why I was studying Japanese, and I said X, would that sound natural? Was my pronunciation good? What else can I say? How come I have to use the て form here?” etc.