I had recently befriended these two Japanese exchange students. I showed them two absolute gems of hikes, and I treated them to lunch one day. We got along very well and we were like old friends within just an hour of knowing each other.
The day of the second hike a few hours after coming home I noticed that the guy had blocked me from seeing his Instagram stories. I messaged him about it, and a few days later he completely blocked me as his name became Instagram User.
Today I yelled at him about it when I saw him in person for the first time since the second hike, and at first he lied that he had deleted his Instagram account some weeks back, but when I told him to cut the crap (his account was still visible in incognito and he had updated his story literally a few days ago), he admitted he had blocked me. When I asked him why, he said some bs about wanting to make new friends, but he also said that he didn’t like going on hikes.
I’m wondering if he just didn’t like going on hikes but his cultural roots made him not want to have to tell me no, so he just decided to preemptively block me altogether to avoid being asked and having to decline. But that wouldn’t make sense either, because I met the girl first and I told her we could go on a hike, and she actually invited him herself. So it wasn’t even like I pressured him directly or anything, I don’t know why he came in the first place.
The second hike we had actually scheduled it earlier but he said that he had a leg injury (wondering now if he just lied to avoid it). The only other thing I could think of that would make him block me out of the blue is that he mentioned he had smoked cigarettes before and I expressed my disapproval, and it just really got under his skin or something, but he didn’t want to directly confront me.
19 comments
You can consider that a rare case. Tbh he is a jerk. As a Japanese, if I were him, I would either hide the fact that I don’t like hiking or, after much agonizing, tell you in a very roundabout way that I don’t like hiking.
Japanese people are afraid of being clearly denied. (Although recently there are more and more people who do not.) Perhaps he was surprised and confused when you expressed your opinion about smoking. Because in Japan, the safest response is to simply say, “Oh, I see. ” But he is still a rude guy : (
It might hurt you but let me tell my guess.
He’s an exchange student, so he just wanted to make new local friends for fun and learning the language.
I think he found someone better or more useful than you, so he just blocked you not to keep in touch.
He was lonely or just wanted to spend some time with someone else and you were just a spare.
This often happens amongst Japanese students.
When they enter a school, they try to be much open and friendly to make new friends. Later, they find that some of their new “friends” don’t suit them and they ghost.
I reckon blocking is pretty rude and his behaviour isn’t so common even in Japan.
However, we think we should stop keeping in touch when we notice that someone hides stories on instagram on purpose or unfriends us, so it was too much to ask him directly as well.
He didn’t want to say „No“ since it’s rude to say so directly in Japan. Probably, his language skill isn’t good enough to have a conversation with you and politely say No to your suggestion.
Edit:
I thought the exchange student was somehow rude at first glance, however, OP might be a very difficult person to communicate as well according to OP’s comments.
Generally speaking, Japanese exchange students in SoCal and North American people who want to communicate with Japanese people don’t match. The former is usually party animal and hipster who likes SNS. The latter is a nerd.
It’s not just Japan, I’ve found that Koreans are the same, they avoid confrontation and just disappear. I’ve had many language partners tell me they need to focus on ___ and disappear into the ether. I’ve asked Korean girls about it, and apparently it’s an issue when they date Korean men in their own country too. They just ghost.
On the flip side, my grandparents hosted a Japanese exchange student in the 80s, and he’s been my “uncle” almost my whole life. He sends cards and gifts, stays on social media, we were even in his wedding.
It was probably the smoking thing. No one wants to be judged like that.
I think it depends on the person. I know some Japanese people who can say, “no” without a problem
He sounds like an asshole. A lying coward at that who lacked basic decency to even appreciate new found friendship.
As for you, don’t waste your energy on someone who treats you like that. You didn’t have to go yell at him or confront him, even though he deserved to get his shit handed back to him.
Jerk, but also don’t put so much social stock in instagram. It’s not worth getting worked up over being blocked.
I had a Japanese conversation class a couple years back with 10 students. We were all paired with Japanese students. 5 years ago, so relatively recently.
By the end no one could contact their partners.
Everyone but me was making stuff up, and lying about conversations with their partners. I was using online services to pair with random Japanese language partners to make do.
As far as I know this isn’t a rare occurrence. Just shrug and keep going. From what I can gather, they want an “Aubry Hepburn” type of American friend. If you don’t fit the mold, many will just move on. (so like thin, classy, but funny) The Japanese who don’t care about this though, will be very nice friends and more loyal than you can believe.
This is not uncommon.
Dude’s a turd. Make other friends.
You sound clingy, and a little unhinged.
Yelling at someone and telling them you voiced your disaproval at him for being a smoker? Why did he block me?
Because you’re an asshole who’s only known the guy five minutes and criticising them.
My first thought is, why would you yell at someone for blocking you from their personal account!? If that’s an example of what you’re like, then it is no wonder they blocked you.
I had a japanese exchange student in high school, and a bunch of local students and my friends added her on instagram. Then she ended up erasing all her posts and making a new private account with only her Japanese classmates. It is totally understandable in my case. I think she might’ve gotten overwhelmed and didn’t want a large foreign audience on her instagram posts, only close friends or something because she only had 32 followers.
You sound a little controlling and confrontational – maybe they didn’t like that.
some of what he did is rude, and some ofwhat you did is rude, in both usa and japanese culture (in different ways).
Not saying right or wrong, just speaking in a objective social ettiquette standpoint. so ghosting or similar is probably a normal result, if not a happy one. I would just treat it as being friends wasn’t meant to be, since from this your personalities and interests don’t seem like they were compatible.
I’ve blocked OP’s reddit account. Let’s see what happens.
Hey, OP. I think a lot of these replies are really harsh. I can relate to feeling this way. I also think folks are right you shouldn’t yell at him or judge him for cigarettes, if you did. But it does sound like some unhealthy behavior. I myself am trying to stop similar behaviors in myself. I wish you the best
Did you ask the girl exchange student? Maybe she knows. 🤷♀️
u/DoYouSeeMeEatingMice I’m not gonna lie, I found this funny just because of how hilariously petty it is. I don’t know you prior to your blocking me, so it’s okay. But still, found it funny.