I like the idea of being a forever tourist in a country. I’m not sure if I’d want to die in japan but I’m thinking around a year or 2. My gf is very much into validation so the transition to a new culture may be difficult. I find not belonging very freeing since I don’t feel pressure to conform ( conforming for me is a fun challenge since it’s a new set of rules to follow) and the image of a strange outsider will tag along with me regardless of my actions.
Does anyone here have a similar experience with struggling to belong? How do you deal with it? it doesn’t have to be japan specifically.
3 comments
What visa do you and your gf qualify for? That would be the most important thing to figure out.
It seems clear from your post that you’re interested in moving to Japan, but does your gf have any desire to move?
Do either of you speak any Japanese?
I read a story about a foreigner who went out of his way to study (I think he was from New Zealand) about all of Japan’s norms and expectations, followed them all for a decade, and suddenly snapped because he was still seen as a foreigner.
I’ve also seen people who take “gaijin smashing” too far in order to ~~steal~~ save money(do all Brits hate the train and think it needs to be ripped off, or just most?).
Find a middle ground. Don’t bend to stupid rules, but don’t be a jerk.
Yeah, sorry, but I think unless your girlfriend is ENTHUSIASTIC about moving to Japan (not just, “Uh, I guess I’ll move if you do), it will be really tough, issues about validation aside.
If she doesn’t speak the language (and honestly even if she has some language), it can be very isolating and even depressing. A lot of foreigners have a tough time. She needs to be prepared for that.
I speak Japanese, my husband does not. This move and transition is very tough for him, and he’s not “into validation” as you put it. It still sucks for him to be an awkward foreigner who doesn’t understand things and has a hard to doing simple tasks like picking up the right drink at the conbini or telling a taxi where to go. The only reason why it works is because he wanted to go to Japan, and because it was the best option for our family unit. Honestly even though I speak the language and have a regular job I know I will always struggle to belong as well, but I know how to “find my tribe.”
I would have a serious talk about both of your expectations for a major move like that and what you both will do to make the transition work.