Tips for preventing “foreign-ness” as an obvious foreigner?

17 comments

1. This is a copy of your post for archive/search purposes.

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   **Tips for preventing “foreign-ness” as an obvious foreigner?**

   Hi all! I (22F) am currently wrapping up a Applied Linguistics and Anthropology undergraduate degree, with a certificate is Japanese language studies. My plan has always been moving to Japan to teach for couple years as I figure out if I want to go for my Masters, but I’m starting to have second thoughts. I love the culture, language, landscapes, and diversity of events and seasons, and ideally see myself staying out of the more touristy areas as I don’t love the city. I have a working-level fluency in Japanese, and am a native English and French speaker. To me, it’s the dream job for where I am in life.
   My issue? I’m 6’0, an extrovert, quite muscular, and have super curly bright blonde hair.
   For those who don’t look Japanese, how have you found it making friends and “fitting in” while working, shopping, or just in daily life? I have heard plenty of horror stories, but I wouldn’t want to give up on my long-term goal due to a couple bad experiences. Are there some areas (preferably not Tokyo) that are better than others?

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2. I don’t know why ‘preferably not Tokyo’ but I live in Tokyo as a tall white dude and like, I dunno no one seems bothered by me. Sure there’s no way around it, you’ll stand out just on looks, but if you act accordingly then no one really seems bothered. As they say, when In Japan do as the Japanese do. Don’t over think it

3. I think “bad experience” means different things to different people, and is (just like being in your own country) dependent on who you are and who you interact with.

   But I think a common experience for most foreigners is the feeling that conversations and interactions are mostly about the foreigner’s foreignness. Some people don’t like this, while others don’t mind. Whether it’s an explicit discussion (“where are you from?”, “your Japanese is good!”) or a struggle to communicate over a daily life issue, I see a lot of people wondering why they can’t just have more normal interactions.

   In my experience – there’s one method that eliminates 95% of the above and makes you “fit in”: *learn to speak the language at an adult level*. I meet a fairly large number of new people on a regular basis, through work interactions, and personal / hobby interactions. Nowadays, for me the conversation almost never goes to the “where are you from” type of topics. We just get down to the matter at hand. And yes, it was *quite* different when I was new here and had much weaker language skills.

4. You’re never going to “fit in” and this bothers some people more than others. You will meet strangers and speak Japanese to them and they will reply with “sorry, I don’t speak English.” You will be assumed a tourist until proven otherwise. You will sit in a coffee shop and notice that the people next to you suddenly start reminiscing about their English classes in high school. You will get a 日本語上手 every time you string 3 words together… Etc etc. This doesn’t mean you can’t meet Japanese people, develop friendships, or have a good life in general. You can do all of those things… you will just always be “the foreigner” when you do them. Be respectful and socially aware, and you will likely get along just fine, but know that you will always stand out. Personally, I’m not bothered by it because I don’t mind a bit of extra attention 😆😆

5. This is not a Japan-exclusive thing, any person from a foreign community can experience it abroad. It seems though it’s less noticeable by people from anglosphere countries

6. You will never fit in because you’re not ethnically Japanese. If that bothers you, then you might have a hard time being here. Generally, people here have seen it all and don’t really gawk at foreigners like say other countries like China etc. I regularly escape to the countryside to get away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo. People don’t care when I’m out there shopping etc. Inaka people are also generally more friendly than in Tokyo. I recommend Yamanashi, Gifu or Nagano since you don’t want to be in Tokyo.

7. So you’re a tall muscular blonde white woman and you’re looking to not stand out in Japan?

   *It’s not going to happen*. Give up now. Spare yourself from disappointment and just accept that you are an anomaly in Japan. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, btw.

   I’m a bit shorter than you (171cm) and have dark hair, but here’s things that keep happening:

   1. People trying to speak to me in English or getting very flustered because they might have to speak English. I just pre-empt it by speaking to them in Japanese first.

   2. Store staff not approaching me. This is not a bug, it’s a feature.

   3. People asking the same 4 questions (“Where are you from?” “Why are you in Japan?” “Why do you speak Japanese?” “Can you eat Natto?”). It’s only annoying if you let it annoy you. The longer you are here the more people in your immediate circle will see you as a normal human being instead of “tall blonde white woman”. Having a shared hobby (something to talk about) also really helps.

   4. This doesn’t happen to me anymore, but there are people who desperately want foreign friends and who will only see you as the token foreigner in their life. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can just not be friends with them anymore.

8. I still remember a conversation with one of my undergraduate advisors before I left for Japan. She told me that it was impossible to fully assimilate into Japanese society. After living here for ten years, I agree with her but I also have never felt a need to try and assimilate.

   I have many wonderful friends and overall have had a great experience living here. For some people, Tokyo will never be for them. I grew up in the suburbs of a large city and can’t imagine myself living in a place like New York City or Tokyo. At the end of the day, you can’t let fear of the unknown stifle your dreams. I have met plenty of people that moved here thinking it was what they wanted, only to turn tail and leave within a year. Even that takes some maturity: trying something and deciding if it’s right for you or not. I also know way too many people who have lived here for too long and are malcontents.

   My tip for preventing “foreign-ness:” don’t even try. Be respectful of your surroundings and the culture. Also respect yourself and where you come from.

9. >Are there some areas (preferably not Tokyo) that are better than others?

   Find a smaller “big” city and don’t live in the city center. I too hate Tokyo as it’s so big and to me so unwelcoming for living as everyone is rushing around doing their thing. We found a nice beach city that is near Fukuoka city and it’s great. Close enough we can zip into Hakata if we need to, but far enough that we are not surrounded by tall buildings. Also one of the perks of living at least near a big city is that people are more used to foreigners so fitting in can be a bit easier.

   But don’t worry about not fitting in, regardless of your height, hair, body type, you are going to stand out in some way. I’m a 6 foot tall red headed guy and I definitely stand out but especially in your own community(living, work, hobby) you’ll get along after a short time. You’ve already got a huge advantage of speaking at least some Japanese.

10. You’ll fit in as much as you want to fit in. People will approach you differently because you look different, but after that how you are perceived is very much on how you react and try to fit in. There are plenty of people who are able to blend in more easily than you will who don’t fit in at all, and lots of people who stick out who do fit in.

    I stick out as much as you do and I get a lot of attention for it, but I also make a lot of friends as I get approached pretty often too. I would say I fit in quite well in my neighborhood, in my hobby circles, and at work, and among people I know and at places I go regularly I don’t get treated any different than someone who is ethnically Japanese.

11. You’re not the main character.

    You’ll have some interactions native Japanese people wouldn’t have i.e in the country side having a few glances your way. People are people no matter where you go just be a person lol you don’t have to be the “token foreigner.”

    You don’t stand out nearly as much as you think and nobody minds or cares. Enjoy your time in Japan.

    For what it’s worth if your assessment of your language ability is honest you have a far better command of Japanese than me (N3 for reference) and I have many friends across the country no problem.

12. You will not fit in. You will never fit in. Not because you are tall, but because you are not Japanese. You will always stick out. you will always be treated differently. That being said, being treated “differently” in Japan is not the same as being treated “differently” in say, the Deep Southern United States if you happen to be non-white. You will be fine.

    In fact, not looking Japanese is an advantage. Foreigners who look Japanese here are sometimes expected to act Japanese, and talk like a Japanese, and generally be more Japanese. That is an unfair expectations.

13. No way to prevent foreign-ness. Coming here as a Westernized blonde woman myself (though I’m short), and having now lived here for several years, I can tell you things are going to feel awkward at times. There will be culture shock, even if you speak Japanese or have visited Japan many times. Living here initially is an adjustment. Most people will treat you kindly , but as you walk away some of those people might say uncomfortable things to one another about you that you can hear and understand. You gotta shrug it off. Some people will say things to your face in English or Japanese that seem highly inappropriate. In those cases you’ll have to gage the situation and brush it off, make a joke of it, or put them firmly in their place to set boundaries.
    I live permanently in the suburbs of a major city here and it still happens. The micro-agressions and misunderstandings caused me serious anxiety in the beginning.
    At one point in the early days I didn’t want to go outside at all. Over time my skin has gotten thicker, and yours will too should you choose to live, work, or study in Japan. The Great news about you being tall is that you may be less at risk for unwanted touching or harassment incidents… which could be so empowering in a place like this. My daughter is your age and also graduated recently with a degree in linguistics. She is taller with huge feet and I would tell her the exact same things if she were preparing to come here. Btw, if you are busty and don’t like being gawked at, I suggest you tweak your wardrobe slightly. It does help, I promise.
    To summarize, it will be awkward but you can overcome that feeling of outstanding foreign-ness.

14. If you go to somewhere in the inaka, a lot of people will be thrilled to include you in festivals and local culture if you have some Japanese fluency.

    There is an older couple around here that drew manga in the 70’s and 80’s, her husband does pottery now, and I stop by their house every couple of months to chat. They have an old dresser that was bought around 1850, and it was too big to lug up to the main house, so they built the current house to have a room to use it in at the base of the mountain. The entire section of valley are cousins living there.They talk about old times, old local stories like the merchant that was accused of spilling seeds and committed seppuku nearby, that the proper way to sit with your neck extended out was to be able to see your own death during seppuku, and how her saw is a artist in kyoto but won’t tell her what his pen name is, etc.

    Lots of opportunities to just exist and listen if you have the desire and aptitude. Really fun.

15. Imo, being in Osaka is better for foreigners, especially if you’re extroverted because many of the locals here are much more willing to chat.

    But get yourself some clothes to fit the style here, GU pants, plain colored shirt, one of those fisherman looking hats (never remember what they’re actually called) and you’ll be good to go

16. If it’s your dream, then why are you so worried about not fitting in? I’m not being funny, but fuck what people think… just go there because **you want to go there** and don’t get stressing out over things out of your control.

    Yes, people will look. No doubt people look at you on a day to day basis anyway, it’s life. The only difference is you’ll have Japanese men & women looking at you in Japan compared to whoever looks at you in your own country.

    Foreigners will never fully 100% “fit in” but as long as you accept the fact you’re a foreigner in Japan, then you’re going to have the best time imaginable. As long as you’re respectful and try to fit into their social norms, then you’ll be just fine.

17. I have lived in big cities, Tokyo and another. While I definitely am understood as “foreign,” I don’t really have any issues with it. I’m able to make friends (well, as much as any adult is these days), go about my daily life without issue, have chats with my neighbors, etc. The key thing is language level. If you’re able to talk with people, then life becomes much easier.

    Sure I “stand out,” but I don’t attract much extra attention than a few stares really. Occasionally strangers I’m chatting with may ask where I’m from, but that’s about it.

    Honestly I get the same treatment in my home country (US), as many people there would also assume I was a “foreigner.” Which was more annoying since I was born there!