My son(7) was recently involved in a fight during the first hour of his elementary school. Not really sure where else to vent my frustration about the situation.
My mantra has been that violence doesn’t solve anything, usually creates more problems and shouldn’t be used unless it’s life or death.
Here are the details I was given from the teacher after the principle and teacher questioned both boys:
My son’s entire second grade class was going around the school and making decorations. The teacher wasn’t near the boys.
My son was in charge of the scissors for cutting decorations. The other boy was laying on the paper that my son needed to cut and wouldn’t move. My son cut about 1/4 of a cm of hair from the other student (totally inexcusable).
The other boy immediately began to punch, kick, and scratch my son. There are scratch marks around my son’s eyes, on the back of his neck, face, and on his legs. The one on his neck was bleeding. My son didn’t fight back and seems to have balled up on the ground which is probably why his neck is in the worst shape.
No discipline will be taken against either boy other than the conversations they have already had.
To be clear, I understand my son was originally at fault and I would be absolutely ok if the school suspended him.
I have a meeting scheduled with the principle where I assume they will tell me what happened.
Hoping to hear opinions good or bad about this. Thanks for reading.
*edit*
I wanted to thank every single person here for giving me some perspective on this situation. I didn’t expect this to escalate into the conversation that it is now. I was reading throughout my workday and I finally had a chance to sit down and talk about the situation with my son. Although, I don’t think the information I learned will change anything.
My son explained that they had drawn lines on the paper and each boy needed to cut out certain parts. My son asked the boy to move over several times to make his cut. The boy wouldn’t oblige. His hair was on the line and my son cut it along with the paper. I don’t know if the hair was always there or if the boy moved while my son was cutting. I also don’t know where the teacher was at this time.
The scissors at my son’s school are safety scissors. The tip is rounded. After cutting the other boy’s hair, the scissors were left (or dropped) on the paper until the altercation was over. Neither child touched them until the teacher picked them up.
I agree that the other boy over reacted. I also agree that my son was careless and potentially dangerous. I feel both of this things can be true and neither of them are excusable.
I didn’t think it was pertinent to the conversation to mention my son’s personality, but he has been bullied (not by this particular child). My son is Japanese-American and he gets bullied for his nationality and height (he’s much taller than all of the other kids).
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19 comments
>My mantra has been that violence doesn’t solve anything, usually creates more problems and shouldn’t be used unless it’s life or death.
Anyone who says violence is never the answer has never been asked the right question.
Nothing will happen. You and your son will probably apologize to the other kid and their parents and if what you said is true vice versa. Public schools can’t suspend a student or really punish them. If it’s a private school then no idea.
I think you should be glad this incident didn’t escalate further. This is probably a good lesson for your son.
I’m in the “don’t start fights; finish them” camp so if some kid cut my daughter’s hair out of nowhere like that and she gave them a light beating, I’d take her out for ice cream.
Nobody is being suspended, both sides will apologize and probably just end there
My son (7 at that time) also had a similar fight. He said unko-man to other kid because his pants were dirty with soil.
Then the other kid immediately scratched my sons’s face all over. He has scars now.
They talked to them, both apologized and the mother of the other kid called us to apologize. She wanted to come to our house to apologize in person as well but we declined it.
That was it.
Recently my daughter (6 yo) got punched on the face by a boy. He draw with a pencil in my daughter’s clothes and she confronted him, then he punched her.
I’m quite angry about it.
Teacher apologized, principal apologized, mother called to apologize.
She has two sons’s and both of them are causing so much trouble in the school.
NOTHING HAPPENS. Only a bunch of apologies.
I’m very worried about it.
I’m more concerned about the using scissors to cut another child’s hair versus the other kid’s self-defense. The first act implies the child is potentially struggling with managing social situations and was expressing frustration in a way that he knew would hurt the other child but minimize the chance of blowback to himself. It wasn’t overtly violent, but it was harmful.
The reaction from the other kid was self-defense. Kid got a part of his body cut off with a sharp instrument. A kid can reasonably react in fear and anger, and, notably, he didn’t react by using a weapon to do it.
Kids that age struggle with impulse control, some obviously more than others. Hopefully this is a lesson your son only learns once.
Maybe, if anything, ask the teachers if your child is showing other signs of passive aggression (though this act bleeds into active aggression) or difficulty managing emotions. Signs would include control issues, difficulty with transitions, and suppressing negative emotions until they explode. Sometimes you can’t see it at home, but it comes up at school. If it’s a Japanese school, don’t expect helpful feedback.
Kids shouldn’t be suspended in early primary school. Best for them to confront the issue and work on it actively through discussion and practice. Instead of punishment, you should be focusing on teaching your son how to manage his emotions, communicate and express himself in healthy ways.
I wouldn’t expect a 7 year old acting in self defense to know when to stop. I would expect a 7 year old to know not to cut off pieces from another person with scissors. At the same time, they are 7. If this instance is a one-off I wouldn’t worry so much.
Am an experienced teacher specializing in behavioral issues.
They are 7! They are still learning how to react to things that make them upset. If somebody cut my hair even if it’s just a tiny bit I would get upset too.
Your son started it, the other one overreacted. I would be more concerned with my own childs behavior if they did something like that.
Principal
This is what happens when you don’t let your son fight back.
Both sides deserve this lesson in life. No serious damage was done luckily as part of this lesson. Count yourself lucky and thank the teachers.
Your son instigated the incident also. He needs to have some serious self reflection and also serious discipline from you.
There’s a lack of details about why the other side did what they did, they could be a bad boy normally or your son has been continually bullying him for a long time or the other child could be autistic, who knows, and this last straw finally made the kid crack it. But either way, if some guy cut my hair I’d be pretty upset especially when I was 7. And yes scissors are very dangerous, imagine someone waving them around your face when you’re 7 and cut your hair.
You might have your mantra that violence doesn’t solve anything, then don’t cut people’s hair without asking.
From Bucharest/Romania. Think this is good lesson learned for all involved. This kinds of things build character. He should have thrown in a few punches or kicks imo. I remember one time in 5th grade I think hot into a fight over something stupid and broke my finger in his jaw cause I didn’t clench properly so I guess he won that time but the next day we were again best friends like nothing happened.
Damn it – put your son in boxing. The biggest mistake in life any man can make is not learning how to fight as a means to control a situation or protect himself / one’s he loves.
Not only will your son gain confidence but he will learn a invaluable skill that can be utilized for the most of his life.
There’s a Facebook group called Parents with Kids in Japanese Schools that gets a lot of posts like this, you’ll probably find more normal/sensible people on there
Regardless of fault, I hope his scratches heal well and everything works out in the end. Sorry you had to deal with this. It sounds very distressing.
Fellow parent to a second grade kid here. Both kids, in my opinion messed up here. I would be upset and concerned if my kid was the one that cut hair or if my kid was the one that unleashed on the kid that cut the hair. Realistically, it will be apologies all around and that is the end of it. I would have a chat with your son though about what relationship he has with that kid on a daily basis. Is the kid usually quick to anger? Have they interacted before? Have they had positive interactions? These kids are stuck in the same school for a few more years at least and depending on the size of the school, they will see each other often enough. It would be worth it to me to find a good resolution so such an interaction doesn’t happen again as opposed to avoiding it. It really is a bit hard to say why the other kid responded like that. I hope your son is okay and he can just move on from it.
This thread proves that I should never have children, as I genuinely support your son in cutting that kids hair.
Grades 1-9, education is a constitutional right for a citizen. No suspensions, no expulsions.
ALT days, I knew sixth graders who smoked behind the school. Nothing happened outside of lectures.
That sucks that your kid got as messed up as he did, and I’m sure you’re already on top of it, but just in case, I really think you ought to sit your kid down and explain to him why cutting someone’s hair over a disagreement is incredibly unacceptable behavior.
You can support your kid by empathizing over the ass whooping but really… Why is he cutting other people’s hair in retaliation to anything? It’s worrisome behavior and as much as the other kids parents are probably sympathetic to your kids ass kicking, they must also be fuming at the fact that their kid got an unscheduled hair cut as well.
I don’t think any discipline will happen coming from the school, which to me seems fair. But get ready to apologize, and to also accept the apology from the other kids parents gracefully.
Kid got an unwanted haircut and beat your kid up? And your first thought is that your son should have been suspended?!? Complete overreaction from the other kid. Your son could have been seriously injured bwing repeatedly kicked on the ground.