Folks who are in a relationship/married (either with locals or foreigners alike), how did you meet your SO?

34 comments

1. She’s a bartender at my local pub that I frequent and we ended up unexpectedly coming to like each other. After a few months of small talk and customer – staff relationship, we started hanging out after she finished work which then led to going out on dates. Now we’re living together.

   Honestly the best way is to just go out to places that’ll give you opportunities to speak with people. Bonus points if you can hold a conversation in Japanese.
   Just beware that there seems to be a lot of chronic players or relationship leapfroggers especially in the bar scene.

2. Dating apps can and do work.

3. When I spent 3 months in Osaka, I used [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) to go to hikes and other events. I met my eventual wife on the first hike I went on (Minoh waterfalls) and now 6yrs later we are married and have a baby.

   [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) is fun regardless of meeting a significant other and the barrier of entry is non-existent.

4. Omiai dating app. I lived in the countryside, but there were still quite a few girls on there. One girl I met I dated for several years before finally marrying. Now we’ve happily been together almost ten years.

   That said, Omiai can go fuck itself. I used the app for like one month ten years ago and they still send me spam email for matches and shit several times a week. There’s no option in the email to unsubscribe to them, either. Both I and my wife have sent multiple emails to them telling them to stop, but never any replies and the spam keeps coming.

5. It’s not like there’s a tried-and-true formula that you just haven’t stumbled across yet. You meet people however you can, you see if you fit together and if not, you move on.

   It’s buying lottery tickets until you hit the jackpot. Meeting people organically through clubs/circles means you buy fewer lottery tickets than dating apps, but neither guarantees that you’re going to win.

   When you do win, it feels like everything that came before was just necessary work you had to put in to be the person you are today, so keep your chin up and keep on buying lottery tickets until you hit big

6. If you want to meet someone, you do the work to meet someone.

   You put yourself in positions and places where you can meet someone.

   You talk to people.

   People are kind of getting worse at wanting to do the labor that goes into finding and maintaining relationships. All kinds of relationships “I want x.” Okay, that’s great. What do you do to ensure you can find/experience/try/get x?

   – apps.
   – bars.
   – parks.
   – walks.
   – social media.

   Be kind, be honest, and don’t sell yourself as something you’re not. Welcome opportunities and treat each time as a chance to practice expressing yourself.

7. Halloween party in the international dorm during my year “studying” at a Japanese university.

8. Would you believe mixi?

9. At a staff party. She didn’t work at my branch, but a different one. We got talking and went to karaoke together.

10. I met my husband (not Japanese) on Bumble.

11. She was the stylist at a photoshoot that I was modeling for. She asked if I wanted to get a beer afterward, and 20+ years later, we’re still together.

12. Hang in there friend, we are in the same boat!

    I would say, never lose hope but also learn to embrace the idea of being without a partner for a long time, or forever.
    I’m slowly working on that, and despite it being hard and painful at times, it’s impacting me positively. The stress, pressure, worry, anxiety… is slowly melting away. After all, better alone than with someone who treats you badly.

    ALSO! There are many other beautiful relationships in your life that give the same or even more value to you. Family, friends, coworkers, community… those are also really valuable 🙂

    That’s not what you wanted to hear, but I wish you all the good luck!!

13. I met my Japanese husband in the States. He was on a field trip to my university, and we fell in love at first sight (super cheesy, I know), exchanged contacts and kept in touch/long distance for a year until I graduated.

    I got a job in Japan after I graduated, and we got married 6 years later.

    Now for others that I know, they met their Japanese husbands through Bumble. Others I’ve heard met their partners at bars, work, or Meetup events. The ones who didn’t use Bumble or Meetup did not intentionally seek out partners.

    I also wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or anything when I met my husband, so I suggest don’t rush into it. It’ll happen when it’ll happen. I feel this goes for meeting someone even in your home country. I wouldn’t force falling in love for the sake of having a partner. I know it’s easier said than done, but just let life take its course and you’ll eventually meet someone.

14. Met at a bar, casually started talking, flirting. Heavy amounts of alcohol were involved.

    Went for a cigarette outside and I went for it, because why not.

    TL;DR she brought me back to hers.

    After that we continued seeing each other.

    Now we’re married and have a 9 month old child.

15. Her and her friend were sitting in a park so my buddy and I decided to say Hi.

16. I asked someone if they had a single friend around my age, and they suggested I meet this lady, which I did. 7 years and three kids later, she’s still my wife for some reason.

17. My buddy was trying to date some Japanese chick. I was brought in to be his wingman, my wife was brought along by that girl to be the cockblocker.

    Somehow we hooked up and the rest is history.

18. I met my wife on tinder in the UK when she was studying abroad.

19. We met through work, but not in the same workplace— our circles overlapped for a business thing. We discovered we had a lot of common hobbies and started hanging out to enjoy those hobbies together. But there was a mutual attraction and here we are now married!

    OP, I would say to you that you’re more likely to find someone when you’re not looking. That’s what happened with me. After being single for seven years and at the eve of my 20s, I’d come around to the idea that it’s okay to love myself and enjoy life. Not a few months later my husband-to-be and I began dating. I truly believe that when you learn to be comfortable on your own and love yourself, your natural loveliness will start to shine through and people will immediately be drawn to you.

    So rather than looking for a relationship, my advice is to focus on the things that you love. Spend lots of time with your friends. Enjoy your hobbies or try new ones if you’re not sure what your hobbies are. Travel alone and see new places. As you learn about yourself, others will learn about you too. If the stars align, maybe one of them will see something in you that nobody else does and fall deeply in love.

    Or, they might not. But that’s okay! As Oscar Wilde said, to love oneself is to have a lifelong romance.

    I wish you luck in life and in love!

20. Mainly bars , izakaya, club, double date with friends, not much app(meetup was nice). But my wife I met in Japanese school.

21. We were both living in Thailand where she worked for a Japanese company, and we matched on Tinder. we got engaged a few months later and married soon after that. Been very happily together 4 years now.

22. She worked at the shop near where I lived at. I saw her once at a club and showed her my sick dance moves and started dating. Then got married about 5yrs later, it was cheaper for me to go to school as a gaijin in Japan than a spouse.

23. I met my wife the traditional way, getting introduced via a shared acquaintance, like a friend of a friend of a friend.

24. Match (dot) com.jp

    He messaged me first.

    I was living in Hokkaido, my (now) husband was in Hyogo. We texted and video chatted for a few months, then I came down to meet him in person. Sparks flew and I moved down south after a few months. We lived separately in different towns and then after we got married, I moved in with him and his family in their house. Been very happy ever since!

25. I tell everyone who comes and asks for relationship advice the exact same thing.

    If you actively search for it, you won’t find it. Its the sort of thing that just happens naturally. If you go into social situations with the mindset “I need to find someone” than you never will. Itll be too forced and you’ll miss out on any meaningful relationship.

    Now, I met my wife at driving school. Was there to get my motorcycle license and saw someone practicing slalom on a pretty sick yamaha R6. They were wearing a camouflage jacket and I thought, “that person is really cool”.

    Next lesson when I came to pay at the front, a girl got up from her desk to help me pay and low and behold, the same camouflage jacket was draped over her chair. We got to talking, found out we were the same age, both loved bikes and hit it off.

    Once I got my license I asked her if she’d like to come weekend touring with me and we’ve been happily married ever since.

    Did I ever intend on finding my wife when I went to driving school? Absolutely not. But it just kind of happened.

26. Met my wife around ten years ago when I studied abroad in Tokyo. I joined her circle and we hit it off

    Try to join some kind of group based on your interests would be my advice

27. At an ultimate frisbee tournament.
    Neither of us were actively looking for a partner, we were just there to throw some disks and drink beer with mates, but we got chatting and hit it off.

28. I used *Pairs*, a popular dating app.
    I’m female and was 28 y/o at the time. I lived in a major city and he lived way out in the suburbs in a different prefecture to mine. Still, we often met at a halfway point (a popular touristic city) which was convenient for both of us.
    He is Japanese but can speak decent English. At home we usually mix languages.

    I think I got the best partner I could possibly hope for. There’s no reason you can’t too.

29. We worked in the same company, different branch. But lived in the same apartment complex, different unit. Saw each other nearly everyday, one day we decided to get dinner together after work and it became a near daily thing. We bonded over whiskey. The rest is history. Together for 7 years now, married for 5.

30. At a mutual friend’s house party in the US.

    I (American) met her (Japanese) while she was visiting our mutual friend. With her very broken English and my non-existent Japanese, we somehow talked late into the night. I managed to get enough details to know when her flight back to Japan departed a few days later. I surprised her at the airport check-in with a small gift and got her contact info (pre-internet time). I went to Japan after my graduation a few months later and things progressed from there. We’ve been together for almost 30 years now.

31. Met at work. She was dating someone else at the time but broke up 1 year later. I was the rebound! We’ve been together since 1996.

32. I met my Japanese husband at university in the States. Still happily married 44 years later.

33. I was at my usual quiet night spot for some writing, and she came in for a coffee. She was in town for dinner with her professional mentor to celebrate passing her teaching license examination, and was about to drive back out to where her apartment was.

    She saw me focused on writing and decided that I looked like someone who could answer a question she had. One of her students had written a sentence for class, and her ALT had dismissed it as wrong without explaining why.

    Turns out, it was just heavy on the passive voice and her ALT was an ass. So after that was cleared up, we started talking, and before long it was 2 AM and we were still talking, so we had a nice walk around the downtown, chatted along the riverside, had another coffee, stopped by a karaoke place, and eventually sometime the following afternoon we finally parted ways with a promise of a second date the following weekend.

    That was ten and a half years ago, and we’re still happily together 🙂

34. I met mrs hippie at an event party in Tokyo. We chatted, got along, I got her email address after suggesting it would be great to go out for coffee one day to talk some more, and eventually had our first date. Then a second, then a third etc.

    You gotta put yourself out there to meet people. Find events either in your suburban area or in the city and go. But dont go with the sole intention of finding a girl/guy. Let it all happen organically.

    Finally, don’t be afraid to talk to the prettiest girl (or most handsome guy) in the room.

    Be patient. It will happen.