My friend (she doesn’t have reddit so I’m writing for her) works at a High School. She has a first year boy that likes her and often makes suggestive comments towards her. Somehow, he found out where she lives and insist on walking with her to school in the morning.
Once she found a shopping bag with oranges in it because she told the class it was her favorite fruit.
When she told the principal he just laughed and said “boys will be boys”(not literally but along those lines). When she told her company they told her that he was just a kid and he didn’t do anything dangerous.
Which according to her, his actions are more annoying than harmful. Is there anything that she can do in this situation. She’s asked the child directly not to do these things but he doesn’t listen
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27 comments
Speak to his home room teacher if the principal won’t do anything. But other than that, ignoring it is probably the best best to be honest. Pretend the gifts don’t exist, don’t even pick them up. Blank the kid completely when not at school. Walk a different way, leave the hosue earlier, or leave later, refuse to walk if he’s there with her and just allow him to make himself be late to school if he waits with her. He’ll get in trouble and they’ll ask why he’s late…
He hasn’t done anything dangerous, but of course I understand, it’s irritating and it could be taken badly if it’s later seen as “ALT walks boy to school every morning” and becomes harmful gossip.
She should be on here guard as telling the company wont do that much.
I had a similar experience with a fellow teacher (I helped him out when owner did not) which went sour due to him just breaking off contact. Refusing to teach the student, changing his schedule to avoid her. She would go to restaurants near his house and suddenly sit at the same table, follow him to the supermarket etc.
Owner did nothing which resulted in her breaking down and screaming when she could not take his class.
It might be better to have his homeroom teacher speak to him since in Japan it’s always better to have an intermediary in these situations. So try that first, and if he persists, go back to the principal, explain the steps taken, and then ask him in polite terms what he is going to do about it.
That is, ask something like, “Since we have tried x, y, and z, do you have another solution?” You can’t make demands, exactly, but you can go into the meeting with an expectant air that he will pick up on, if that makes sense. Japanese are very indirect, so you should approach it in a way that shows you expect him to respond, but aren’t demanding he respond.
And if that doesn’t work, and your friend actually starts to feel threatened, well … that’s when you call the company, and be very very insistent that they do something, and make it clear that if they don’t, you will call the police to deal with it. No one will want that, so it should light a fire under their asses.
Keep in mind that stalking is often not taken seriously in Japan, and that lack of attention to danger has resulted in some very serious consequences. It’s unlikely it would go that far, but this is something to keep in mind for the future.
I’m somewhat impressed by the gonads of the boy. When I was that age I was still shy to tell someone I liked them
Interac should have a policy against seeing students outside of class, because you might be accused of playing favorites.
tell her to call the cops.
DO NOT IGNORE IT! She needs to demand protection.
r/whenwomenrefuse
Have her completely lean into it. Walk to school with him, hold his hand, eat the oranges and share them with everyone. Say it’s okay because he’s just a kid 😁. School will do something at that point.
Tell the boy wat he did was wrong and that you will tell his parents and the police if it continues. Better be safe than sorry ! Sexual crimes are a huge problem here.
Aggressive and direct I think is okay.
I know that’s hard for alot of people, but spelling it out with direct communication is extremely important.
I’ve only had experience with girls in elementary school with inappropriate crushes who try to get handsy. I squash that behavior immediately. The moment it happens. As sharply, as openly, and as honestly as possible. Always making sure to include the homeroom teacher for transparency.
I once had a letter given to me by a girl. So when I met her mother by chance at a 4pm pickup I asked her: “did you know your daughter wrote this to me?” She didn’t. And she was grateful I kept her in the loop while being gentle with her child’s feelings.
For a woman, it’s already societally more difficult to be firm. I’m sorry for that.
Also the boy is older, and more dangerous than a little child. Again, I’m also sorry for that.
Team up with the homeroom teacher to have a come to Jesus with this kid and let them know what’s up.
Feelings are confusing for kids who don’t have experience with healthy relationships. It sucks, but firm rejection and boundaries are important experiences.
At some point they would want to put it in writing rather than talking about it. Easy to deny conversations happened.
It is definitely in the Interac contract that ALTs must not interact with students outside of school and if your friend is seen walking with a student by a parent or another student and it gets reported, it is possible grounds for getting fired or not getting her contract renewed, even if she did not initiate the interaction. Have her speak to the homeroom teacher and the lead English teacher and explain very clearly and specifically her job could be in danger because of the students seemingly harmless actions. Start from the ground up. It is not the ALTs place to speak to students directly or their parents about their behavior. It is the the homeroom teacher’s responsibility. (former Interac ALT, Yokohama BOE for six years, all at high school).
Don’t underestimate how dangerous a high school student can be. What might be annoying now could become threatening in the future. I suggest she talk to the home room teacher, and be insistent with Interac and the principal.
I think she really needs to take strong action, and soon. Nobody wants to believe that such young boys are capable of becoming sex pests, but I assure you they are, and I’m speaking from personal experience. One evening I was followed home by a JHS boy on a bicycle who kept calling out “let’s have sex” while groping himself. And another time a boy raced past me on his bicycle and grabbed my breast. He wasn’t in uniform, so I think it’s safe to assume that he was a sixth-grader.
This kid has become fixated on her, and she can’t take the risk that it won’t escalate. She needs to be persistent about taking this higher up. She should *specifically* use the term “sexual harassment” when describing it, because that will definitely light some fires under some butts. Schools are taking it a lot more seriously these days.
Hello!
I don’t know what branch your friend is in, but that can impact how it’s dealt with.
Has she talked to her JTE? Also, feel free to reach out to me and I can maybe give some better advice about Interac.
Also, make sure she locks her doors.
Disturbing stuff indeed. I once had a female stalker from a high school where I worked years ago, and I was terrified that people would jump to the wrong conclusions about me.
Report that to the police. Also report it up the chain of the supervisors at interac. When she report its, supply police report.
She also has very good grounds to quit that job without notice due to personal safety.
She should look for a new job since this one isn’t supporting her.
I don’t work for interac but my current company are super naggy about not hanging out with students outside of school, if interac has such a code of conduct I would suggest throwing it in their face, saying that she doesn’t want to risk being seen as a groomer. I see the potential of this being thrown in her face as something she did wrong.
It might also be worth getting in touch with some of the ALT unions.
[Tozen Union](https://tozenunion.org/issues/alt/)
[General Union](https://generalunion.org/3747/)
This is on top of the advice that u/CompleteGuest854 mentioned. Failing that you can also make a complaint with the local police. They’re supposedly taking such things more seriously lately, but at least having the complaint on the books can help in the long run.
In addition to everything else people have said, I recommend she hang her laundry inside. And check if her building has a security camera…. And make sure it’s actually recording.
If she can remember the dates she spoke to all of these people, she should write them down and make notes of what was said. Then everyone involved can confirm and vouch for her.
better safe than sorry. let us not forget what happened to that lady teacher at NOVA a couple decades back
I see OP removed their account, but in case someone is still checking, you should assume no one cares about your problems until you make it their problem. A new school year is coming soon, plenty of places need English teachers. Threaten to quit. I’d be shocked if that doesn’t light a fire under them.
Just call your company they will sort it for you!
Oh you work for Interac?
Well, sheeeeeeit. Good luck.
Tell his parents or take a video of the next evidence and show it to his parents or the principal. Take a stand that it is inappropriate behavior for the student and it’s making you feel uncomfortable.
Seriously, contact the Police don’t waste time on something that could lead to a serious crime, act now. Interac will try and save face. Don’t listen to them. A Few Years ago, Junior high school boy pulled a knife out . The teacher later quit and left Japan before anything could be done.
Interac immediately covers up anything they see as potentially damaging to their reputation.
They are far more likely to quietly fire your friend than help her.
Even when one ALT harasses or victimizes another ALT, they will just fire both ALTs to stop rumors from spreading.
stalking is a problem in almost every country, and there is very little authorities can/will do without hard prosecutable evidence