In a long term relationship (non marital) with a Japanese partner. I’m always confused how to address my partner’s mother. We have a distant but good relationship. お母さん feels too intimate, 田中さん feels too formal, and 花子さん feels awkward. It’a been some years so I’m embarrassed to ask her.
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by her name?
*It’s been some years so I’m embarrassed to ask her.*
We don’t know her so we don’t know any better than you do. If you don’t ask what she’d prefer to be called, you’ll never know.
JpnGal said if you have had a good stable relationship for a period of time, then お母さん is fine. If that makes you too uncomfortable, use her given name (+さん of course). But don’t call her by surname.
Just curious, what is your partner’s opinion?
It’s definitely おかあさん, but not the お母さん you’re thinking of. お義母さん is the standard way to refer to your mother in law and it’s read the same as お母さん. It sounds the same but the context is different so it’s not too “intimate”.
How about her name-san. Never misses. It’s like a loophole to the system
It’s normal to call your in laws おかあさん(お義母さん)、おとうさん(お義父さん)。
It’s not really as intimate as you might think. It’s not like you are calling them mom or dad (お母さん、お父さん) like they are your parents. It’s just the default for in laws.
Maybe ask her what she would like to be called?
I call mine, すみません…
セフレです
My wife asked her what she wanted me to call her and she said her name-san.
a) Ask her.
b) Ask your partner.
i call stranger elders okaasan otousan all the time, it has the nuance of “hey aunty, uncle”. One of friendly addressing elder people. You can call her Okaasan. Or call her Onee san if she is from Kansai, ladies prefer it that way
I’d go with 花子さん if they’re still relatively young. おかあさん if they’re an obaachan
ご老人様
I’ve been married to my wife over five years, we’ve been together ten, and when it comes to directly addressing her parents – I just don’t because I have no clue how xD
ママ
Ask your SO for guidance, not random people on Reddit who know neither you nor your MIL. The answer depends on factors no one here can see or understand.
Oddly enough I’ve never called my MIL… anything. And I’ve known her since 2012. It’s always just a greeting. I don’t see her that often first of all, I guess that’s why.
At the clinic she works for, I say (last name)先生
to mention her, since she’s my dentist, but I’ve never actually called her that directly.
Ship has sailed.
Go all in and call her 母上様.
Hopefully she laughs and says “call me 花っ子”
I always called my Mother-in-law Okaasan even before my wife and I were married.