Hey everyone. I had a date (?) last night with a Japanese girl I matched with on Bumble. We went to a Thai place for dinner and drinks. It was a nice time. She said she was nervous because she’d never used dating apps before, and I said I was nervous too. We both relaxed and enjoyed the date. I think we clicked pretty good, too.
I messaged her after after saying I had a great time and that I hope we can do something again soon, and she replied and said she had a good time too. Then, she added:
“If there is some event that I can invite you to, like going camping with friends or going on a trip, I will invite you!”
I’ve been trying to interpret this but I think I’m overthinking it. Is this her way of saying that she just wants to be friends and isn’t interested in dating, or is it the opposite and this is her making moves towards something more serious?
I’m very new to the Japanese dating scene, so I’d appreciate any thoughts, and also advice on how I should respond to this message. (Also, should I ask for her LINE or Insta since we only message on Bumble?)
25 comments
Don’t rush things. You made your approach so allow her to throw the ball back in your court.
Don’t over analyze the situation. Only she knows what she meant with that response.
Needless to say keep seeing other people to get more experience by using dating apps.
If she likes you and you made a good impression she will contact you.
Most importantly don’t do anything clingy.
Sounds like you were friend zoned.
Either that, or she liked you enough to want to introduce you to her friends.
Try talking to her?
I’m not going to comment on what I think she means by this, but I’ve found judging actions as more important than words. I’d find an answer by saying: “I had a great time, and that sounds like fun! In the meantime, would you like to go out again on (insert specific date and time).”
That’s how I would find my answer in this situation. I know that ghosting or not directly rejecting someone can happen, but relying on “what if” or “I’m just waiting for her to invite me” is always a recipe for disappointment.
EDIT: I also wanted to add something. Some comments are saying this might indicate being friend-zoned. While that’s always a possibility, I think it’s still best to pursue my mentioned advice. I have a friend who was in a similar situation where the date went well, and for some time after he was worried of being friend zoned. He found out it was just kind of how she talked, but they are now close to being together for 3 years and have been traveling the world together.
> (Also, should I ask for her LINE or Insta since we only message on Bumble?)
You didn’t ask her on the date?
That doesn’t sound good.
You can’t tell what she meant by her message and that’s okay. Don’t rush or panic. You could ask for her LINE or Insta to keep in touch better.
If she was being honest, then she’ll invite you out next time. If she was just saying it to be nice, well, there are plenty of other opportunities in your future to meet women too.
>”If there is some event that I can invite you to, like going camping with friends or going on a trip, I will invite you!”
Translation: “Let’s hang out again sometime, but only in a public setting with other people so you don’t get the wrong idea.”
> (Also, should I ask for her LINE or Insta since we only message on Bumble?)
If you want.
You should have asked on the date, and not doing so was sort of an unintentional hand wave on your part, as well.
Say – That sounds great! But before that, I’d love to see you again…there’s this great Mexican place in Tamachi that I’ve been wanting to try, are you free next week?
Swap out Mexican in Tamachi for whatever you personally want to check out/if there’s a place you’re mutually interested in. The whole “let’s meet up with other people” thing does sound bad, but all you can do is try to move forward and see if she responds to that.
Hard to say either way.
If she didn’t have any interest at all, best odds would be that she would just ghost you. (There’s still the chance that she said something vague about meeting again and then fades away).
The fact that she’s staying in touch is a good sign. For some people, introducing you to friends would be a big step and a good sign that she likes you, but its also more common that they would do it after you’re officially dating. This is very hard to figure out
The bigger indicator would be if you invite her out again and she is non-commital/ non-responsive/ never available/etc. If someone likes you, they’ll put in at least some effort to make plans work. Don’t chase someone if they never have any time, but also don’t give up because she was busy one week.
Everyone is different. You’ll have more of a sense of this after a while. If she hasn’t been using dating apps either, she might not have a good grasp of what she wants to say with “signals” either. Best to just communicate, use common sense, while also trying not to overthink.
You messed up bad by not getting her Line during the date. Probably made you seem uninterested.
The way to salvage it is to ask to go on another date.
Feels she’s not interested and tries to be polite. Just give it a couple of days, and ask her out again on a date to see, nothing to lose.
Don’t overthink it and don’t try too hard. She might be trying to have your relationship (whether friendship or romantic) develop organically, and introducing you to her friend circle would be the first step to seeing how you guys play off one another.
A single date is a bit hard to get a reading on someone. Have fun with it and relax.
You are overthinking it and being impatient. You can’t force/convince someone to have chemistry with you anyway, so it’s best to just chill and see what happens. Anything other than “chill” can turn people off and reduce any chemistry.
EDIT – though by “chill” I don’t mean aloof, or any of that negging bullshit. Make it clear you are interested in meeting again, if you are.
Either she is not interested or an alternative possibility would be that she is not used to dating.
Hard to tell. I have a Japanese friend (who is a girl) that starting using Bumble too. She like to go on a couple dates by herself with the guy first, then has a few of her friends meet the guy too, just to sus/vibe him out. Kinda like a vetting process to make sure he isn’t a weirdo lol. She still has full intention of building something romantic out of it though. Could be something like that as well.
The answer is a definite maybe.
Personally, I think you should’ve asked for her LINE on the date. It shows that you’re interested and you’d like to get to know her better. It’s hard to tell if she’s interested or not because I haven’t met her myself but to me (take this with a grain of salt) it sounds like she’s not very interested. You could try and counter her offer with “I’m looking forward to it! I’d like to bring you to this -bar/cafe/etc.- if you’re interested.” and if she continues the conversation she could be interested and you could keep the conversation rolling. If she doesn’t then there are plenty of other chances!
great content for the sub
really good post op
could mean anything, just go with it. maybe she wants her friends’ opinions before moving forward. maybe she’s friendzoning you but wants to introduce you to her other single friends. could be a total loss and you move on to the next. that’s dating…
I think it’s best not to overthink it and let things happen naturally. It sounds like she enjoyed herself enough to invite you on future adventures with her friends. I think that’s a good sign she wants to get to know you better. Maybe as a friend, maybe as more, but most likely just to get to know you. One date isn’t a lot to go off to make that kind of decision yet. The best thing to do is not rush it.
One thing about Japanese dating that foreigners get wrong is that traditionally, being in the friend zone here is something desirable. Usually people get to know each other really well, spend a lot of time together, and then get serious. Whereas, in western dating you avoid the friend zone and go straight for the relationship.
For now it’s hard to tell. If you’re interested in her the only good way to move forward is to say “that sounds fun. I’d love it. “ and then on a separate date ask if she wanted to meet for another date.
Hard to tell hombre.
I liked the direct approach. I look them in the eyes, tell them that they are gorgeous, and that I want to eat their poop shoot. That makes things a little more black and white.
If I ever got a message like that after a date I would take that as confirmation I’ve been friend-zoned.
The fact she went out of her way to message that specifically to you seems like she meant to send it as indirect confirmation that she doesn’t want to meet up one-on-one again (communication in Japan is very indirect in case you haven’t figured that out already).
Btw next time get her Line before you meet, after you decide to meet up.
I would say she wants to be friends, but not uninterested enough that she wants to be away from you.
We can’t possibly know what are her intentions, but I suggest you to be direct with yours.
* Are you unsure about what you want but would like to get closer to her? Tell her that and ask for another date in a more romantic setting.
* Do you want sex? Ask for another date and say that you would like to spend the night together after the date.
* Do you like her and want a girlfriend? Tell her why you like her and ask if she wants to be your girlfriend.
Being straightforward and honest works well for any age, any person. If what she wants is not the same as you, move on and don’t waste your or her time.
Don’t overthink this one too much. I would say the fact that she even suggested potentially introducing you to her friends is a positive sign.
Did you guys talk about camping, hiking, or taking trips at some point during the date? Whether it was mentioned as an interest you, she, or the both of you have. If so, she could be referring back to that convo.