This is my first post on here so I hope I will be able to convey what I want. Furthermore, English is not my native language so please forgive me for any mistakes.
So here it is:
I have been married to my Japanese wife since August last year and it is going great. I got my spouse visa in November and so my wife asked if I wanted to work in the same workplace. As we only have one car at the moment (and we live in the middle of a village where public transportation is scarce), I decide to give it a try.
So, I started part-time in November last year in a gift shop/restaurant hybrid. At first when my wife joined in April last year, it was only a gift shop but as nobody was coming, the boss decided to also create a part for lunch.
I already have worked in the past in a restaurant for a year in my home country and it was exhausting so I quit after a year.
Well, after 6 months (4 part-time and 2 full-time), I am reaching my limit. Not only the salary is bad, but the job in itself is boring and not fun. Plus all my co-workers are mostly female (except the boss) so it is a bit hard for me, a man plus non-Japanese. While it is easy for my Japanese wife. She can just chat with the 2 older women who cook but they almost never speak to me or when they do, it is to say “Can you eat *something something*?” or “do you have that in your country?”. I am starting to lose my cool and my tatemae is getting thinner and thinner.
I have always worked with a lot of women in my previous jobs and it never bothered me but it is the first time I work with older Japanese women, so I don’t know what to do.
Plus, the thing is how should I handle it as I don’t want to embarass my wife too much once I resign? I think it is just a matter of months or I might wait until my visa has to be renewed this November.
My wife is well aware of my feelings and she tries to be supportive at home. At work, she chats and laughs a lot with the 2 older women so I always feel left out and it is really taking its toll on me. I can understand because they are all from the area we live in but man, if I don’t want to get depressed, I have to do something. Changing job seems a good way to start anew.
What do you all think? I am sorry if it was a bit long and maybe a bit confusing at times. It is hard to process everything at the moment
Thank you to those who will read my post. Cheers.
9 comments
you need to find a change of job first. let the subtleties of your quitting be handled by your wife. if you find a higher paying job, it will be a plus since it will appear to them that you are a good provider. appearance is important and you will boost your wife’s standing in the shop.
First, talk to your wife, as your partner, about your feelings. You would do this even if she was not working at the same place, but especially because she also knows the environment, she should be able to understand your feelings.
Then, talk with your wife, as someone who knows Japanese culture, about how to move forward.
Do you have another job lined up, or do you expect your wife to support you because you’re bored of working?
You do you. Don’t burn any bridges or put your wife in a tricky spot but at the same time it’s your job, not your wife’s job. If she likes it there and you don’t then you leaving is just that isn’t it?
Just find another job. As long as you give enough notice that you’re quitting so it doesn’t leave them in the lurch, it shouldn’t affect your wife at all.
I mean, is it really a big deal to quit a job that is essentially a baito position? Surely they know it isn’t a career and the pay isn’t enough to start a family on.
I think it would be more weird if you stayed in a low paying dead-end job for ages haha. Quit!
Psychiatrist then lawyer.
Don’t lie just say you quit and quit asap you don’t need to justify neither does your wife end of story then look for something else
Why bother
Shouldn’t be much of an issue for a small place like that. Best to go with “needed more income to support the household” or something similar. She’s staying I assume? I doubt she’ll have issues. Just don’t mention the work atmosphere problems.