Hi, I’m a father of three with a moderate income (380,000 p/month)… My wife gives me 15,000 yen per month as my pocket money with the rest going into family money and kids’ savings accounts etc. It feels like it disappears very quickly though…one present for a birthday or one nomikai and I’m penny pinching for the rest of the month! Obviously as a parent everything is directed to the kids, and my salary is pretty low, so I can’t complain too much… But what are other people’s experiences in terms of financial arrangements as a family? I don’t really have a problem with my wife taking care of all the finances, (although I’m aware that is unusual to some people)…Just am wondering how much other married people are using for their personal means, particularly those with a smallish income like mine
30 comments
I’m a woman myself.
As the breadwinner, you shouldn’t be the one asking for pocket money.
Are you doing this just to match cultural norms (i.e. to make your wife happy)? Or are you really such a money waster? Are you sure your wife isn’t wasting the money you give her?
I seriously want to know the justification for forfeiting almost all your hard-earned money. No offense.
> How much is reasonable pocket money for a husband?
As much as he wants as long as it’s his income.
Me and the wife have separate bank accounts but we also have a “joint” account where we put in our shared money for usual life expenses, she will occasionally ask for some money as I make more than her but she has never controlled my money or tried to give me pocket money, I think she feels bad every time she has to ask me to pay for something because I pay for most of the day to day stuff
make a household budget together to determine how much to spend on what every month.
I think people would need more details such as your other household expenses. Obviously if stuff like rent, electric, gas, food, etc (all the basic living costs to survive) add up to the majority of the salary then there is less “personal money” for parents to spend on going out or buying clothes or “unnecessary” things. On the other hand, If you have a large chunk of salary left you can increase that amount. However unless you think your wife is hoarding it all away to buy designer bags or spending too much on herself it doesn’t seem like savings for family or your kids’ educations and paying all the household expenses is “wrong”.
What is “family money”? Outings with the kids? (And you?) going out to restaurants as a family? Kids clothes? Etc? Or savings for family trips? I think your personal money for purely your personal things (your clothes that aren’t “necessary” but you would “like”, going out to eat/drink on your own, going to a movie on your own, etc) should probably at least be equal to your wife’s personal spending money for the same things, and then you should have a different amount budgeted for “family” stuff which involves all of you.
But honestly this is a discussion that should be with your wife not Reddit. It doesn’t matter what anybody tells you here, or how much people here spend or save, because every household does things differently and has different priorities on saving or spending. Sit down with your wife and look at allllllll your household expenses and discuss what could change.
Just out of curiosity… Tokyo?
My (ex)wife used to complain that Japanese husbands let the wives control the household finances while they live off pocket money. I told her that if she wanted to do that, maybe she should have married Japanese.
She didn’t work so I gave her enough money to cover her own expenses, things for the kids, and her pocket money.
From a [popular JP publication](https://mama.chintaistyle.jp/article/allowance_husband/#:~:text=%E6%97%A6%E9%82%A3%E3%81%95%E3%82%93%E3%81%AE%E3%81%8A%E5%B0%8F%E9%81%A3%E3%81%84%E5%B9%B3%E5%9D%87%E3%81%AF%EF%BC%9F,%E3%81%93%E3%81%A8%E3%81%8C%E3%82%8F%E3%81%8B%E3%82%8A%E3%81%BE%E3%81%97%E3%81%9F%E3%80%82):
* Less than 3M/year：22,917円
* 3 M-5M/year：25,375円
There is more–much more–in the article, but sounds like you’re a little bit low. FYI, I’ve had people who had materially less, in the realm of 500 yen/day (albeit with a packed bento). YMMV.
I take it your wife does not work at all(Or have any income)? Otherwise unless your bills are really high 15,000 seems pretty low. With only one income though it probably about right. but expenses in others areas can probably be cut or at least tracked to a level where you understand where your money is going.
I don’t get the point of this thread. Are you gonna collect opinions here then go back to your wife like:
“Actually, the husbands of Reddit get 25,000 a month so I deserve a raise!” *flinch*
If you feel it’s not enough then that’s something you need to let her know, regardless of how much the rest of the battered husbands here get in pocket money
Personally, I am not for this.
I feel like, if she wants to and she is good with money and you are okay with it, fine.
But only getting portions of your own money feels kinda meh to me.
Honestly a budget of 15,000 isn’t the worst, but just see about bumping it up a bit.
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Also it did suprise me that you can have a family of 5 on 380,000 a month.
It depends on if you eat lunch out every day.
f.e. 1000 yen for a reasonable lunch x 20 days = 20,000 jpy. (You can get lunch for 500 yen, or 1500 yen, though, depends the place).
If you want to go to Starbucks or Segafredo every morning, that alone would shift the equation considerably in this kind of low budget situation.
If you are going to Nomikai or Karaoke once per week, that is another 5,000 yen.
So… I would want at least 10,000 per week for reasonable ability to buy lunch and go out.
15,000 per month is only 3,000 jpy per week for a 5 week month, so if you pack lunch and only go out every other week, you could stretch it, I suppose.
Note: Take whatever I say with a grain of salt, as I am in a different situation and spent 50,000 on “going out” last Friday.
I know for a fact my dad’s “allowance” was more than 15000 per month, though.
Wait… You guys have allowance?
I understand it’s a cultural thing but doing this as a foreigner and agreeing to it😂 You gotta get out. 15,000 yen a month , this is a joke post right?
Lol
I am a male in my late 20s here in a committed relationship with a Japanese girl (if that matters).
Honest question, why tf is it seemingly so common here for men to essentially “delegate” all finances to their partner? To the point where they themselves seem to have absolutely no idea how to manage their own finances, where the money goes, how much of it, and how often? That’s just so crazy to me. Getting an “allowance?” Yea, no.
please stop throwing away your dignity even further by asking this question to random strangers online.
Calculate your needs, and if you think your current pocket money is not enough, be a real man and ~~beg~~ demand more money from your wife.
Is this your wife, or your mother?
ex-gf wanted to quit her job, become a housewife, and manage *my* money…
…that’s how she became an ex-gf.
I (wife) wanted more money, so I got a better job. Now I’m on maternity leave, which is still better than nothing. Kids are expensive, and more and more families are dual-income nowadays (I think something like 75% of mothers are now employed?). Sometimes I wonder if these types of women seek out foreigners because they know they can play the “cultural differences” card without being told they’re old-fashioned.
Glad to read this kind of post every now and then because it always gives me a semi-regular reminder to talk with my girlfriend about how things will NEVER EVER work this way if we get married.
Dual income household here (16m), but even before getting to this level of income – we firmly agreed to keep finances separate early on in the marriage and have a savings pool account together (dump about 50% of salary there monthly). Everything else is separate. We buy what we need and whenever we want. Purchases of over 100,000 yen are considered “extra” and we notify each other when we have done so (before or after, doesn’t matter).
If I were in your position, I’d encourage your wife to work part-time if she isn’t already, to contribute to the household expenses. The money will be needed as the kids grow and as things like health insurance, etc get more expensive.
I don’t agree with the allowance system, but I think the other commenters will have a lot to say about that.
If you are fine with this system, OK. But I know once a Jp girlfriend told me “When we ll be married, you will put your salary on my bank account and I will give you some money for asobi”.
I ran away. This is insulting and basically means that you cannot manage the money you earn to take care of your family. It is like giving an allowance to a little boy, we don’t treat men this way where I am from.
Im gonna level with you buddy, you have 3 kids you brought onto this world, college can get pretty expensive, you don’t earn much, at least for 3 kids. How much pocket money do you really need. If you want to buy something maybe talk it over with your wife.
Well youve won the most depressing post of the month
You sound very confused.
You can’t ask “Am I getting enough pocket money?”, and then immediately add “I want to give all my extra money to pay for my kids”.
Those two things that are at odds with one-another. One has to give in order for the other to benefit.
Meanwhile, realize that your wife isn’t giving you shit. You are allowing her to dictate what your expendable income is, and then you’re somehow feeling slighted for not having enough of said income that *you earned*.
Rather than getting slayed online by asking internet strangers about your “pocket money” situation (I mean jesus dude, demean yourself even further by calling it “pocket money” – are you 7 years old?) you should instead be talking to your wife and discussing what sort of extra cash *you can give yourself* out of *your own income*, and if she thinks that’s fair as far as other familial expenses go.
Is this some kind of joke i dont get? Working as a adult and asking for pocket money.
My girlfriend trying to put me on 3man per month pocket money was the instigation of our break up. But as others have said, it’s culturally normal in Japan.
Perhaps you could find a way to earn some extra income that your wife agrees to exclude from your salary that’ll bump your okodukai.
You know I’ve lived in Japan for 17 years now and never really got the “allowance thing” for husbands.
Japanese women literally say “give me all the money you earn. I’ll decide how to spend it”
As if they are more fiscally responsible based on their gender alone.
Especially if they aren’t working. That’s just……… a hot No.
I just don’t get it.
My Japanese wife earns really good money as do I.
We take care of ourselves and each other.
That’s the way it should be.
Oh man, the financial planners are going to eat this thread alive.
Realistically, it’s not “cutting your balls off” to have your wife take care of the income, it’s not wrong to double check her work and be involved in the family planning, it’s not weird to have a family account, and it doesn’t matter if you’re the breadwinner or not.
It’s raising a family your way. You do you.
You wife also budgets herself an “allowance,” I assume. Normal. 15000 yen? In this day and age? Normal. Can’t spend “your hard earned cash?” You have kids. It’s all for them.
To those people with separate accounts, secret “just in case” divorce accounts, or those who won’t part with their cash, and even to those men (gasp) who manage their own money, goddamn it, that’s fine, too! There’s no “right” way, just the way that works for you and your family. There is always so much anger in threads like this.
I hope I don’t have to go back and edit in some /s