Infuriated is an understatement.
This happened just about an hour ago. I’m heading back home from work today on a packed Keio Line. I was standing and really engrossed in a podcast I was listening to. Just before the Daitabashi stop, I felt what I initially thought was a handbag horizontally caressing my bottom. I kinda ignored it because I’m about 6’2, so things press on my bottom the whole time especially in a packed train However, this sort of caressing feeling happened a second time and I froze when I realized this wasn’t a bag but an actual hand caressing my bottom.
Suddenly, the train came to a stop and I felt it the third time and it dawned on me that someone’s intentionally doing this! I shot glance back and saw this masked lady quickly scurry out. She’s probably late 20s to early 30s. I froze you know, just trying to process what the actual eff had happened. It was kinda surreal, because in the list of possible things that may happen to me in Japan, this wasn’t even on that list. I always thought of it as an unfortunate female reality here. The worst is how I replayed the scenario, thinking how I should have accosted her about her unacceptable actions, then feeling so violated and like a coward for being frozen in shock and completely dumbfounded. Yeah, that really sucked big time.
I got home and the wife saw I was really upset because that just sullied a rather great and productive day. She was mad about it, but comforting, but she later said there’s not much I could have done because the culprit could have turned the tables and said I did that to her and I would have been in trouble being foreign and all. You know what, that’s really shitty to think that sexual harassment can happen and as a result me being foreign and male, I have limited options and have to suck it up.
Anyway, I’m just still trying to process the whole situation and just focus more on the positive experiences I’ve had here so far.
Sorry for the rant.
43 comments
Don’t feel like a coward. Honestly it’s just flight or fight response and in an unexpected situation you can’t really control it. I’m male. I’ve been in situations where my brain chooses a flight or freeze up response an it’s a terrible feeling. I think your wife has the right idea. All you can do is mentally prepare what you’ll do for another encounter (although the chances of that happening are pretty slim)
Men can certainly be the victim of sexual assault. Just because it’s rare, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
I will question whether it was 100% for sure the lady you saw who did it though. Which plays into the helplessness of such an assault though. So I feel it’s actually worse than you’re saying.
The two times I (male) have been sexually assaulted it was very obvious and right in front of my face, so it gave me a certain amount of power in that I could have identified them to the police if I chose to pursue that.
Your assault was real (barring the “guy on internet making shit up for giggles factor”) so don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you feel you need it.
That wasn’t a rant – you were genuinely relating an upsetting experience as you have every right to and should! I’m sorry it happened to you and you didn’t deserve it.
>I froze you know, just trying to process what the actual eff had happened. It was kinda surreal, […] then feeling so violated and like a coward for being frozen in shock and completely dumbfounded.
I’ve never been sexually assaulted, but I’ve been in situations so outside normal expectations that I’ve had exactly the same freeze sensation. It’s absolutely not cowardice, even though I felt the same way when it happened to me. It’s honestly a totally normal reaction to seeing something totally different from our norms. This is why police, emergency response workers, and soldiers go through training – when put outside of a normal situation, the vast majority of people are going to do exactly like you did, or worse.
[deleted]
You’re not alone, been groped here twice. Once in a packed train, very similar to your situation. But the girl looked like early 20s.
And 13 years ago in roppongi when I was 19. I needed cash so I took a “job” handing out flyers in roppongi on Halloween. I had to wear a stupid costume. Was minding my own business giving out flyers when a drunk salary man came running at me and grabbed me between my legs with full force, he shouted something in my face that I couldn’t understand and ran away.
I have a vague memory of watching a special about chikan, and one man had an ally of another chikan, a woman, and they would work together to trap victims.
In any agression there is some flabbergast effect. It’s normal at start to be in disbelief. It’s not a cowardly attitude. I come from a dangerous place and know that feeling very well. Japan is very safe, but be aware of your surroundings, surprise is always on their side, if there is ever a next time.
A Japanese TSA woman did this to me on my way back home to visit my family. I wasn’t sure to be flattered or shocked.
Hey dude. I don’t have any advice or words of wisdom, but that sucks and I hope you feel better.
Imagine people actually downvoting that instead of helping out.
To echo other commenters, that was my exact reaction when it happened to me and I always thought I knew better. Don’t beat yourself up and don’t blame yourself either. I’m sorry that happened.
Had a young girl who was pressed up against me in a crowded train grab my crotch. Another time I was sitting down and sleeping, and I noticed a woman straddling one of my legs, sort of dry-humping herself on me.
It happens.
The chijo is a rare sight in the depths of the Japanese subway but they do exist. I have never heard of one arrested before tbh.
I’ve had this happen to me before. Middle-aged woman grabbed my bicep when the train lurched and I thought nothing of it. Then she escalated to my butt, which is when I changed trains.
The general attitude of people I spoke to was “so what”. It was a bit hard to process. I didn’t really know how to feel, shrugged it off for the most part. But it’s not a nice feeling at all.
Yeah it can happen, and it’s a violation.
I remember when I used to clubbing and to bars a lot when I first came out here and there were a lot of women (usually older) who would try to grab the piece so openly. I’m 100% sure other black men here have similar stories because most I know do.
They’d ask the size and then keep making lunges to grab it and I’d smilingly block their efforts. It wasn’t until years later I considered how fucked up it all was.
I was groped 3 times on Halloween in Shibuya in 2017. I know that two of those times were men. You really do freeze up and question whether it actually happened.
A woman groped me in Funabashi a few years back. Broad daylight at a zebra crossing with other people next to us on each side of the crossing. She was also wearing a mask and crossed the road from the opposite side and as she walked towards and past me she put her hand on my groin and stroked it upwards towards my stomach and kept walking. I just started laughing in shock and couldn’t process what had just happened to me.
First off, sorry about your situation.
I had a busty dullard actually grab and grope my whole package one Saturday night on the Yamanote several years back. She grabbed me, rubbed, smiled, and walked right off the train.
I wasn’t infuriated and was so shocked that I laughed it off, but i know it definitely does happen.
Seems like such an outlier that it verges on being unbelievable, but it’s definitely happening out there.
Full on hand gripping my ass, 3-5 seconds of ass squeezing. Another man. Worked at the scholarship foundation that was sponsoring me as a student in Japan. At least three times.
I’m sorry that you feel helpless. I’ll end it there.
Dude here.
Been groped twice on the train here in about 8 years, once by a female and once by a male. I didn’t even realize that’s what had happened with the male until a few moments later as the guy was very quickly getting off the train. My brain didn’t process it as a possibility, so it took more time than usual for me to wake up and go “Wait… wtf… that dude 100% just squeezed my ass as he was getting off the train…”
With the woman it was similar to how you thought and felt combined with what your partner explained to you. I’m a 5’11” American in decent shape, literally zero people would believe me if I claimed a 20 something woman grabbed me on the train and she could very easily claim the same against me as a defense tactic. It’s a no-win, and you really do just have to let it go unless someone else directly sees it happen.
The freeze response is actually very natural. You’re not a coward. During assault we can go into fight, flight, or freeze. Freezing is one way your brain is trying to protect you by detaching from your body. It sounds like running or fighting weren’t really options on an extremely crowded train.
I’m sorry for your sexual assault. Being violated is a terrible feeling. Humans really need to work together to put down this kind of behavior. If you’re feeling nervous about crowd or taking the train, I highly suggest talking to a therapist a few times.
[deleted]
>*I got home and the wife saw I was really upset because that just sullied a rather great and productive day.*
Lol! I don’t laugh at your discomfort, but in the West in a packed bus I had a young lady get a good feel of my backside. I just let her get on with it before she finished. Maybe she was in high spirits or the drink spirits were in her, going out for the night? Who knows… it was crowded and everyone was in festive mood…
More bemusing than some “traumatic” event, at least in my experience. Obviously people vary in their own personal worlds so of course it’s not exactly what you expect when you wake up in the morning. Just werid I guess?
Get a crossbody bag or something. Adjust the length so you can put it in front of u to protect the spot while on trains. May not 100% work but it’s better than nothing I suppose.
My first thought was she was trying to scam you saying you touched her.
This happens to me ALL THE TIME. I just don’t care anymore.
I’m sorry that happened to you, it sounds like an awful experience.
You shouldn’t regret that you didn’t act in the moment, or catch the person who did it. Freezing is a natural reaction to this kind of situation, and the only way to not freeze up is to expect that it’ll happen and make contingencies ahead of time (which nobody *should* have to do). Plus, these creeps rely on plausible deniability to violate people. The guy who groped me on a train pretended to be asleep to sow doubt into my mind. It’s horrible.
Please treat yourself kindly and do something for yourself. You deserve it after having gone through something nasty.
sounds horrible. Keio line you say? I’ll ride it a few times, to make sure she’s gone.
Lady here. Very sorry to hear that happened to you, and please don’t feel bad for feeling how you do. Violation is traumatic regardless of your gender, so do what you need to to manage the situation.
>The worst is how I replayed the scenario, thinking how I should have accosted her about her unacceptable actions, then feeling so violated and like a coward for being frozen in shock and completely dumbfounded.
Freezing is a nigh-universal experience when you get sexually harassed. Perpetrators are aware of this and use it to their advantage. Ultimately nobody should even *have* to consider what the best course of action is when you get groped in public. I’m really sorry this happened and happy to hear your wife and friends are supporting you.
As others have said, freezing up is normal and natural – I did exactly the same.
Picky point: That would mean that you ecounterered a 痴女 Chijo rather than a 痴漢 Chikan.
[removed]
I’m a male. Back when I was a student I had a few similar experiences. One was an incident where I was harassed by a gay Japanese male on the train, another was an incident similar to yours where someone tried to feel my bottom in a crowded train (although in retrospect they might have been a pickpocket, I’m genuinely not sure). You’re not alone in experiencing these things and it’s not a rant to share your experience in the community. Thanks for speaking up.
I’ve never been groped, per se, but I have had at least 3-4 occasions while on the crowded train (usually when it’s cold or rainy out) where a 20-30 something lady will use me as the big spoon to…cuddle with? Until their stop.
By this I mean, they start out standing normally, but they slowly put more and more of their weight on me, and even turn with their backs to me in like a spooning position, with most of their weight on me, and then just spoon until their stop.
It’s really weird, but happens sometimes.
It’s happened to me a few times. One time I was at an izakaya eating, it was a place I frequently went to. Some old drunk man sat next to me, and without even looking full on grabbed my junk. It was demeaning, humiliating, and it angered me. I started yelling at him and the owner kicked him out.
One time at another bar nearby, I was drinking with some friends and two women came in. They sat down, had a few drinks and then turned to me and tried shoving their hands in my shirt and pants.
I’m honestly surprised to see all these other men on here with similar stories..
I think the freezing up in shock is really common. Why when victims are asked why didn’t they fight back or do something they’ll say they got scared. That initial shock and inability to grasp the situation to the helplessness during and after is pretty crippling no matter how big or small the incident , male or female. So please don’t beat yourself up or feel less ‘manly’ because of it.
Yeah, it’s crazy how you think to yourself that you’d yell or grab their wrist or whatever if it happened but when it does you just freeze up. I know how it feels and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
>The worst is how I replayed the scenario, thinking how I should have accosted her about her unacceptable actions, then feeling so violated and like a coward for being frozen in shock and completely dumbfounded.
That’s how most people react in a situation like this. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you surely aren’t a coward because you didn’t ninja chop the perpetrator.
I’m a man and I experienced it too, many years ago …
I felt someone caress my butt, not just a tap so I could not mistake it for something else than chikan … I turned and saw it was a woman and she averted her eyes but still stayed behind me.
I didn’t talk Japanese well at the time so I didn’t say anything and moved to the other end of the wagon and thought that was the end of it.
Well, a few minutes later, when I had one hand by my side (no smartphone at the time so no use for that hand), someone grabbed it, like a lover, you know, with the fingers intertwined.
I turned, surprised, and it was the same woman, again averting her eyes but still holding my hand!
She came all the way through the crowded wagon and took my hand! Thinking “will I get killed today by a psycho?!” I left quickly at the next stop and used the crowd to hide that I was going to another wagon.
Dude it happened to me almost 1 month ago, one lady in her late 40s – early 50s, in a packed train my thing was trapped with her back bottom, at the begginig I though it was due to the train moving the lady was “moving” but after few minutes… I mean that movement was not natural due to the train.
I got an erection, yes, and she noticed (I think) and well the situation was pretty unreal, never thought that kind of thing could happen to me, anyway when my station arrives I had to leave and watching the lady she smiled and I was WTF just happened.
At home I had to finish the job…
I can understand that situation can be quite traumatic, I mean at beggining I was totally frozen when I realized what was happening, but in my case I enjoyed every second…. hell everyday I am paying to meet again that lady…
is it wrong to enjoy this kind of experiences? dude sometimes I only think to happen again…
Only weird thing that happened to me on the train was a girl slowly reached up and intentionally grabbed the same train handle I was using. I looked at her what was like…WTF. She stared back and said nothing.
I then just switched to a different one and she got off at the next stop. I think she might have had a mental disability or something.
You’re not cut our for the difficulties of life if this bothers you.