I don’t know if this is the right place to ask but I honestly don’t know where to go anymore. I’ve been trying to look online to learn more about what it’s like to be gay in Japan (and perhaps what it’s like to be gay and a foreigner at the same time in Japan), but with my limited knowledge of Japanese it has been hard. I have found a lot of gay men talking about what it’s like which is great, but as a lesbian I really wish I could know more about what it’s like to be a gay woman over there. Does anyone have any help on that? Any information would be precious, to be honest. I want to know what to expect if I really want to move to Tokyo. It’s not a huge concern, but I have been thinking about it for some time now.
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I am gay with my gay partner of over 20 years. I have been in the gay rights movement in Japan since the early 80s. I am a cis male. I also lived in the US for over 10 years but we decided to return to Japan. My partner and I are both Japanese nationals. I am totally out at work (Japanese company) and today for the big cities that is no big deal.
In general I find gay life in Japan to be rather good and in many ways more fun and safer than in the US. Of course Japan does not have same sex marriage as of yet but I expect it in the next couple of years.
To protect ourselves we got domestic partnership as well as a will and living will made. This gives us most of the rights of marriage. We bought our home jointly and had no problems. Now many banks give same sex couples housing loans the same as heterosexual couples. We have also so far have had no problems with our medical care practitioners with regards to information regarding each other.
Gay life used to center around the gay bar area but not so any more. We feel free to gather and talk in most any place now and that is a great feeling.
**It would help if you had more specific questions. You can PM me or ask here.** Here is a link that MAY help.
[https://savvytokyo.com/women-dating-women-in-japan/](https://savvytokyo.com/women-dating-women-in-japan/)
Japan is largely tolerant of homosexual people in general. Because people tend to keep to their own business and keep their private lives private.
It’s uncommon to see a gay couple walking around doing public displays of affection, but then public displays of affection are uncommon in general.
Bigger cities like Tokyo will have districts more geared towards homosexuals, where you’re bound to find more people like you and where gay people usually go to enjoy the night life.
Dating might be a bit harder. Foreign women tend to have a harder time; foreign lesbians… might be even more difficult.
What specifically do you want to know?
That’s kind of a vague question with a lot of different answers. Being a lesbian in Japan in regards to what? Dating? Rights? Societal attitudes? Legal marriage? PDA?
In terms of day-to-day life, it shouldn’t really affect you at all, especially in a modern metropolitan city like Tokyo. Several of my gay and lesbian friends in Japan are doing just fine and living their best lives. The fact that you’re a foreigner will stick out far more than your sexuality ever will, and even then people don’t really care that much in Tokyo because there are foreigners everywhere.
Japanese society has progressively become more openly supportive of LGBTQ+ rights and the laws are slowly catching up as well.
As far as interpersonal relationships go, that is what you make of it and how you handle differences in culture, language, individual personalities and whatnot.
PDAs are rare here. As such, it’s not generally as easy to tell if someone is gay.
Not that people have violent reactions or even would use verbal abuse. “They’re more scared of you than you are of them.”
I don’t know why you’re expecting to be treated any differently. Sexuality is rarely a subject that comes up in a professional or casual setting unless you personally bring it up. I have a few friends in the US who do this all the time “DID YOU GUYS KNOW I WAS GAY/LESBIAN?!”…of course. It’s a bit cringe when its the center of someone’s identity and its all they talk about.
My advice is to live your life, I don’t think you will meet any hateful people or receive any criticism solely because of your sexual orientation.
Just running through your situation in my mind.
Japan is much more into privacy and compartmentalisation than many other cultures. You could live or work alongside people for years here and never know such things as: their sexuality, religion, or voting tendencies. Such things are seen more as points of curiosity than need to know information. If you want to be low key gay then Japan is a great place for that, especially as a foreigner.
However, it could also be said that Japan doesn’t take homosexuality very seriously. I get the impression from the non-straight Japanese people that I’ve know over the years in Japan that it’s very common for their family to treat their sexuality as a hobby, something they can do on the side while getting married and having some kids just like everyone is supposed to. In this respect I wonder on the likelihood of you finding yourself, possibly repeatedly, in relationships with partners who have to “act straight” for their family (and possibly company), and the extent to which that might irk you.
By extension, it seems to me that Japan is not a good place to be queer (as opposed to gay). What queers I’ve known here seem to be constantly pissed off because the majority of Japanese people just dismiss me them as “some kind of annoying gaijin” ^o^
Like anywhere, being gay comes with issues but you won’t face violence for just being gay in Japan. There are plenty of lesbian bars/clubs adjacent and associated with the popular gay bars in 2 chome and other gay areas. “Her” and other dating apps are common and well used and there are plenty of gay social functions, particularly in Tokyo.
Did you search before posting?
https://www.reddit.com/r/movingtojapan/comments/p6s7v3/lesbian_traveling_on_whv_in_japan/
https://www.reddit.com/r/movingtojapan/comments/ovmdz2/what_is_queer_dating_life_like_in_japan/
There’s tons of expat lesbians here. They used to even organize “big dyke weekend” in the summer. I’m not sure where everyone meets up nowadays especially with Covid, but I doubt the community itself has disappeared. The nichome gayborhood is a great place to meet people, foreigners and Japanese alike, even if you don’t really drink. There are women only bars (all foreigner-friendly) and cafés geared towards those of a sapphic inclination. Another great time/place to meet people is Pride and the queer film festivals.
I am about to move to Japan. I know there is a women’s gay bar called Gold Finger. I would definitely check that out if I were you. I am not gay myself, but I end up with lots of gay friends. I will be moving to Japan in August. I wouldn’t mind maybe making a friend.