So I’m seeing some news about joint custody as early as August. How plausible is this actually? And how long would I have to wait for rollout? The articles I’ve been seeing have varying outlooks on the prospects.
Some time back I wrote about my situation. Many of you suggested I run with my daughter, but I’m seriously struggling with the ethical implications. Since then there was a very long calm patch, but again things are tense.
In short, I don’t want to deprive my daughter of her father as long as he remains a positive influence in her life.
He seriously doesn’t treat me right, but for the most part he’s a loving father. Common but sad dynamic, I understand.
I say the most part because I think showing my daughter a healthy relationship is supposed to be part of that, but I feel at this point, that is much more likely if we’re co-parents.
I also see joint custody as a possible way forward for an amicable divorce. Because obviously the main sticking point for us is who will have custody. If he has guaranteed access, I think he will willingly go into mediation.
I know I have a very strong case for custody if we’re living separately at the time of proceedings based on current law. But he obviously is not going to give me permission, because he would automatically lose in that case.
Obviously, if he is violent, I will leave no question about it. In that case I would have access to DV shelters, but so far the worst thing he has done is economic abuse, which gives me no ability to move out. Sad fact about the system.
But anyway, I’m wondering if I should try to hold out.
3 comments
The thing to remember is that joint custody is still going to be administered by the family courts. Which means that any proceedings and decisions will be civil in nature and not criminal. Meaning the mother can still deny the father visitation without a lot of concern over repercussions.
Sadly this is going to take another 20-40 years if the west is any model for how long this takes to where they codify interference of custody and parental kidnapping as criminal rather than civil offenses. (I, for instance, can still remember when parents with joint custody would just disappear with their kids and not return and if they were found they’d often jurisdiction shopped and been awarded full custody in the meantime making things even more difficult).
“Many of you suggested I run with my daughter”
That was Very very bad advice. Especially if they were saying to run to your home country.
If you’re going to consider that, then at least “run” with your daughter domestically I.e remain in Japan.
Have you filled in and submitted that form that prevents your husband from unilaterally divorcing you?