Okay so, this is a thing i still don’t understand. I’ve been told so many times i look tired and in my country this would be something you would never ever say to a coworker, because it implies that you look bad/unprofessional. (I’m not saying I’m not tired though lol)
I’m trying to be always polite and smile and I’m very friendly with everyone. I’m also a quite 元気 person so tbh i don’t really know why i seem tired.
So i was wondering, is it a thing you commonly say here?:)
Thank you!
EDIT: thank you for all your advice, options etc (and complaints too💜)
Sorry i should have stated it more clear:
My coworker and I speak mostly in Japanese, but they sometimes say stuff in English too (English is not my native English though!)
most of the time it’s “you look tired” and i assumed it’s kinda a negative thing. From time to time also a 疲れて/たそう.
But thanks to many helpful people here it seems nothing to be worried about.
I struggle with understanding how communication works and i appreciate your help!!💫
28 comments
What is the exact phrase they say? Maybe it’s a bad translation of お疲れ?
In general though, I find that a lot of Japanese people are more blunt when it comes to pointing out appearance things.
I had a coworker like this. Every single day. She knew she wasn’t saying お疲れ様. Every single morning, she would say “Oh, good morning, Dr Spaghetti. You look tired today.” Every single morning, without fail. At no point in the two years we worked together did she stop and think “Hmm. Maybe that’s just how her face looks.” Nope.
Actually there was one day when I had a family crisis and was awake almost all night before crying myself to sleep. The next morning, it was, “Oh, good morning, Doctor Spaghetti……………………….. 今日は暑いですね.” So who fucking knows.
in my first year my leader always asked me after shift if I’m tired. And I was like “downloading… yes? no? don’t answer. smile and leave…”. Didn’t find the right answer
Just say ‘you too’ or take him/her a long night of drinks on a weekday and show up for work the next day looking/acting like nothing. He/she is trying to get to you.
My mother in law called me fat, on more than one occasion…
She’s fat too…
As mentionned… Tired is fine vs the tap tap tap on your belly with “debu!” screamed as a welcome
“Thanks, you too” should do it
Are you belting your ohayou gozaimasus properly when you come into the office? combing your hair? wearing ironed clothes?
Maybe its from living in Kyoto, but whenever I hear that kind of expression its always some passive agressive way of saying you are not behaving/looking/doing something that is expected of you, but they will never tell what exactly…
I don’t think it means anything bad. I feel like when people say it, they mean more on the lines of “you’re working so hard all the time, so you look tired, but I recognize your efforts” or something.
99% of these kind of post never write the actual Japanese phrase said to them. Making people guess isnt helpful for either side
>I’ve been told so many times i look tired and in my country this would be something you would never ever say to a coworker, because it implies that you look bad/unprofessional.
You might have answered your own question.
The general rule of thumb is that if your coworkers keep making seemingly random statements to you like that, they’re trying to give you a subtle heads up to fix something.
“X-sensei, you really like wearing black” (stop wearing so much black clothing you’re scaring the children)
“I wish I could have so many piercings” (You have too many piercings)
“Wow, you really like to ~” (Please stop doing ~)
Assuming they’re not trying to compliment you お疲れ-style, maybe they mean your clothes/hair/general appearance look a bit unkempt?
If they are saying “otsukaresama desu”, “otsukare san”, “otsukare” they aren’t saying you look tired. That’s just an office greeting. Respond with “otsukaresama desu” always.
If they are saying “shindosou desu ne”, “genki nai desu ne”, “kao tsukaretesou dakedo daijoubu?” Etc etc etc
Just say “sumimasen” and do a tiny head bobbing bow.
If they meant it as a “wtf!?!?” Kind of jab, the apology will make them satisfied, if they were saying it out of sincere concern, they’ll probably start freaking out and say “ii no ii no” and that you shouldn’t apologize.
That way, at least, you can learn whether or not the comments were out of genuine concern or not.
Japanese office politics are tricky.
In my company it’s pretty normal to say stuff like
“元気ないね”、”大変そう” or ”しんどそう”
For them it just mean “Your work is harder than other people and it looks tiring”
it might also mean that “You used to smile brightly before, but you smile less now” so they simply give a sign that you can talk to them if you want to.
※of course it diff for every people, but when my coworker said that to me or I said it to them, we usually mean something like that
Sounds like a standard greeting?
Have you had anyone you just met just say ‘Hi, I’m so and so, please remember me’ in English?
Japanese and English often don’t translate so well. The idioms and phrasings and actual meanings just don’t jive. It could literally just be their way of saying ‘hello’.
I get the same thing which is super redundant. My coworkers know why I look tired, because I’m at work 12+ hours a day.
Being told you look tired in japan by a coworker is a compliment.
“You look old(er) today” everyday.
I get this because I have sleepy eyes normally. It’s the way they’re shaped. I say it’s just the way my eyes are or just ignore them. Or if it’s first thing in the morning I’ll grunt “yes I am” at them.
It’s not that rare. They are not really aware of what you can say or not when someone is from another country. I had colleagues sipping their tea at the pause and casualy saying out of nowhere: “ho, I have a cancer”. It’s so weird.
Are you a woman? I don’t wear makeup now and then and when people see me with my non existent eyebrows (grew up in the early 2000s….) and no mascara and no foundation, I get asked if I’m sick or tired. I really dislike it, but it’s often asked without malicious intentions.
Well, no matter where you are coming from, lets see what it means to comment on a coworker’s appearance.
First, are you close with this coworker? Does your well being matter to him as a friend? Is this comment will end up on something like : “you look tired, therefore, you should rest”, “let me recommend you this relaxation method” and so on…?
If not, it is just a useless comment. A small spark of electricity that went too fast from his neurones to his tongue. And eventually, it became a habit.
Second thing, isn’t that normal to look tired in the morning? Your body is waking up and having a sleepy head is quite commun.
Third thing, if your job is not directing airplanes in the sky or performing open heart surgery: what the fuck does he care?
Do you need to look like a million bucks to fill up excel sheets?
Bottom line, it is incredibly rude to comment on people’s apparence, especially if you don’t know them personally. There is no “oh it is a cultural thing and..”. No. Being rude is a trait that nobody likes, in any country.
So next time, you answer: “I don’t appreciate your comments about my appearance, don’t do that again. Do you want a coffee?”
It’s meant to be a compliment, that you are hard working
“haha yeah, I need a vacation”
It’s probably otsukaresama desu / deshita. Literally means you are tired, but more suitable translation is probably thanks for your efforts / thanks in advance for your efforts, which will make you tires.
In Chinese there’s a similar phrase which literally translate to something like “you have suffered”
There’s a couple of foreigners I work with that constantly ask me if I’m ok, or tell me I look like I need a hug. It’s really annoying. Especially the hug thing. I’m not a hugger. More often than not I’m frazzled from doing something for them.
Have you tried to stop looking tired? Like just stop … trying it?
I had this with my old coworker and I just asked him about it. Mentioned that saying it didn’t have a great connotation in English but, he hadn’t meant it with any malice. Tbh, I did not sleep well while I worked at that company so I probably did look exhausted 😅
When someone tells me I look tired, I say, “I am.”