I’m not really sure where to begin, this is a part rant part question as to if I overreacted or not. Basically, there’s a small park meant for younger kids near my home. There’s a small slide, animal-shaped seats, two small swings (very low), and a sandbox. This park is clearly meant for younger-aged children, however, due to its close proximity to a cluster of schools, older kids tend to come around. Today my LO and I (daughter, 2 years old) went to the park for some exercise. She usually goes down the slide a few times, plays in the sandbox, and rides with me on the swing. We then wash hands and exit the park after about 30 minutes.
Lately, there’s been a group of older elementary school boys loitering around the park around the same time LO and I go and I’m sure they’ve noticed my daughter and I since I’ve seen them watching us.Today after the group of boys dispersed outside the park gates two ended up coming into the park with a basketball and basically started kicking it around completely distracting LO, almost hitting her several times, all the while talking about us. The kids apologized around the second time the ball almost hit her but at that point, I just wanted to leave since I didn’t want my kid to get hit and I wasn’t in the mood to tell these children to move since we had been in the park for about 20 minutes anyways.
However, my LO was completely transfixed in their ball and refused to leave resulting in a complete meltdown/tantrum. You know, the type of tantrums where your kid throws themselves to the ground screaming. I tried a few tricks to snap her out of it, all the while the two boys were watching and coming closer. At this point, I just want to get out of there since these kids basically are gawking at us., I try picking her up and she wiggles out of my arms once again screaming and these kids literally try to jump in and..well I’m not exactly sure what they were doing to be honest.
It looked like they were trying to be heroes in whatever they misunderstood the situation to be. Luckily they didn’t touch her but they basically stood there watching her and looking at me like I was crazy for trying to pick her up and possibly misinterpreted her wiggling herself out of my arms and throwing herself to the ground as me being rough with her. **This is absolutely not what happened**.
Anyone who has a toddler or has experience working with toddlers knows this. Finally with her in my arms, I ask them what they want and they basically asked if she was okay but in a way that insinuated that I was the one putting her in danger. I was basically fuming at this point and told them in curt Japanese that she didn’t want to leave and that was why she was crying. I wanted to say so much more, like the fact that they shouldn’t be dangerously kicking a ball around near a small child but I was too angry at that moment and basically ended with “Go away”.
After a short walk home with a steaming baby, I couldn’t shake the anger. I felt basically mom-shamed by these kids who completely misunderstood the situation. A tiny twinge of me is thankful there are kids out there who at least check in, but this was not that type of situation and now I’m worried that they may have walked away from this with the wrong idea. And if they had the wrong idea, I’m worried about what might happen as a result. Did I overreact to this? Everything every day with my toddler is new and always changing, so a lot of the time I have no idea if I’m going crazy if my feelings are valid..or in strange situations like this if I was in the wrong here by getting overly protective and upset about them completely misunderstanding what happened.
What do you think, or what should I have done differently? I also want to ask the other moms and dads out there on Jlife if this has ever happened to you and if so, how did you deal?
Edit: I’ll note that these boys were closer to 12 or 13 years of age. Also fixed the formatting.
Edit 2: I appreciate the helpful comments and thank those who added some advice with constructive criticism.
I also wanted to add that I discussed things with my husband and he too believes I should have been more communicative with the boys initially and that I was overreacting and overthinking in the end. I am still reflecting and dwelling (I’m the over-thinker type) but going forward I plan on having a cooler head and if a public tantrum happens I want to react a bit better regardless if someone tries to convene or watches us. I’m pretty much done replying to comments at this point, but thanks again to those who participated in this learning opportunity constructively.
24 comments
I don’t necessarily think there is anything you could have done differently? I mean, you were curt to the kids, but it’s not like you did anything wrong? Your kid threw a tantrum, but she’s also two so totally normal? Maybe they were unnecessarily concerned, but they are also kids themselves, it’s not like they have a nuanced grasp on the world yet.
I do notice that older kids tend to “take care” of younger ones here, which is in theory great, but in practice can be difficult. My yochien-aged kid often does not appreciate her older schoolmates attempting to “help” her when she has a problem, is crying, etc. my kid often just wants to be left alone, and the older kid isn’t then really “helping.”
I feel like schools teach kids to help their younger peers and it can foster great relationships— but also a 5 year old is often not the best at navigating a 3 year old’s issues.
I might have gone with a chipper “she’s fine!” But we all have our moments.
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I think you basically overreacted and should apologize the next time you see the kids. Your post gives me the impression that you feel like it’s “your” park and the elementary school kids are doing something wrong by playing there, which is absolutely not the case.
What’s a LO
You should have either politely asked them to play somewhere away from your daughter for your daughter’s protection or removed your daughter from the area as soon as you deemed it unsafe, i.e., the first time she almost got hit, rather than allowing for it to happen several times. I’m not blaming you at all; as a parent of a 5 year old and a 2 year old myself, I’ve been in the same position (getting frustrated over something that I could have prevented if I had just piped up instead of held it in). You’ll learn to be more vocal over time when it comes to protecting your kids.
And I have survived nuclear level meltdowns in crowded public places, on a quiet JR limited express train, and in the super market (which ended in my saying fuck this and carrying him out of the store over my shoulder kicking and screaming with everyone staring at me). So I know exactly what you are talking about and how flustered you felt in that situation.
Being oblivious to the danger of kicking a ball around a small child and then trying to “help” when the child starts crying is pretty par for the course for young boys. I wouldn’t worry. They definitely didn’t put as much thought into it as you are now. Next time, just tell them to kick the ball farther away so it doesn’t hit anyone from the beginning. They probably won’t listen, but they’ll understand when you pick up the ball and toss it farther away.
Meh, a lot of this depends on if they actually were putting your child in danger, vs. you simply not liking them playing there and deciding that you can go with that reason and nobody will question you because you’re an adult.
FWIW, I’m glad there are kids out there who are willing to ask if everything is okay. How would you feel if a stranger nabbed your kid and people just watched, because they didn’t want to cause offense?
Also, please remember that what an adult can see as very small/gentle force, can be a lot stronger from the perspective of a child.
Oh mama I feel you. That would piss me right off as well. I don’t think you did anything wrong, if anything, they made you feel like they were sort of harassing you though I’m not sure what their intentions were. Might be good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that you were highly uncomfortable because of how they behaved. If you see them again I would tell them from the first moment to keep their distance. They made trouble for you not the other way around.
How do you know what these kids were thinking about your parenting? Could you be projecting your insecurities onto them?
It all sounds like normal kids behavior from your description. You shouldn’t feel judged. Raising small children is hard work. Some days you struggle.
Yeah just my opinion but I think you were wrong almost every step of the story. Parks are for all kids, not just toddlers. Kicking a ball around isn’t dangerous. It might hit someone but it’s not going to do much than maybe a light bruise at most and frankly that’s just part of playing in the park. It’s not more dangerous than kids running around or whatever. If you don’t like it it’s on you to leave (note: I have told older kids to stop playing baseball/catch since a hard baseball can actually cause real damage). Other kids watching your kid throw a tantrum isn’t wrong either – kids are just curious. Them asking if she was okay is actually a good thing and your reaction was.. very over the top to say the least.
This exact scenario has happened to me plenty of times and my usual reaction is to thank them enthusiastically for asking and just say “she’s sleepy” or “she’s hungry” (which covers 99% of tantrums anyway), something easily understood by children.
Even though they’re older, they’re still young kids, so you can hope, but not expect, that they’ll look out for the even-littler kids. You also can’t expect them to understand the dynamics when the toddler had a meltdown.
You also can expect yourself to always be 100% having enough spare energy/sanity to deal with other people and other kids. It’s normal and okay to feel stressed and overwhelmed…. welcome to parenthood. The most saintly among us could have well acted much worse than you in that situation. I’m guessing that you’re a great mom, but one that is human.
Hmm, your post reads as really paranoid. The park kids talking about you and distracting your kid on purpose, then insinuating you did something wrong? What did they exactly say to you? Is being mum-shamed by elementary school kids even a thing? The likely reason they were inching closer is because your kid was freaking out and they just wanted to look. I don’t think it was anything to do directly with you. Your feelings are your feelings and always valid, but this reads to me as a very tired and stressed out parent more so than anything else.
Can you read minds? Didn’t think so.
What does it matter, if they have the right idea, or the wrong idea about what is happening? It doesn’t at all.
A young child appeared to be upset, and they were concerned. Personally, I think it was a good thing. I would be thankful for anyone showing concern towards an upset child. I would actually be upset and concerned if everyone around was indifferent instead.
[SoraNews24: Japanese schoolgirl commended by police for helping lost child](https://soranews24.com/2021/11/16/japanese-schoolgirl-commended-by-police-for-helping-lost-child/)
*… Despite the child being soaked from the rain,* ***all the adults in the area walked past the girl without stopping to see if she was okay****. When it looked like the girl was about to dash out onto the road, Kondo stepped in to stop the girl, thinking, “It’s dangerous to leave her like this.” …*
Trust me, as a foreign mom to a two year old sometimes it does feel like I’m being watched more than others on how I parent. So I get it.
You’re fine, Mama. Your baby’s safe, the boys will shrug and most likely forget, if they do something again at the park that makes you feel like your baby is in danger just tell them to please be careful around the little one.
If you’re worried they’ll say something to their parents, well, despite what is said on the internet all toddlers no matter their background are little monsters. The parents will most likely get what was happening.
So dramatic.
The kid got hit with a ball and the older kids apologized. What else do you want?
First, yes I think you were over reacting. You are projecting a lot of things you are assuming the kids were thinking. Remember these are elementary school kids, they do not think like adults, they are socially oblivious to how crowding around you when trying to deal with your kid might have made you feel. Kids are inherently curious, also they may have just seen that they were kicking the ball around and then your kid started crying and may have felt responsible or something and not known how to communicate that to you, thus standing there kind of awkwardly.
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There is a quote I like to remember whenever I have an interaction with people “We judge others by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions”, which I think applies perfectly to this situation. Everything you wrote only described the scene from your own perspective with your own thoughts and interpretations of what the kids were trying to do based on how you observed their behavior. But really you don’t know what they were thinking and so in the end, yea I think you are over reacting based on some false pretenses.
A couple things.
The time for toddlers to be in the park free reign is morning, before lunch.
A park is a park so unless there’s a sign forbidding a certain age, I’m not sure why you’d think toddlers had right of use. So if using at these times, be the adult and realise it’s not safe. Not really their job, is it?
If kids sense something is… off, it’s probably off. Maybe they could sense, and were tuned into, your frustration.
I think, based on your post and nothing else, you over reacted a lil bit. But it was a hot day and c’est la vie.
It’s ok to reflect on how we handle temper tantrums. Nothing wrong with that. But don’ t think on it too much. Just start out again tomorrow as a new day.
omfg you sound like such a giant pain in the ass.
Do you know how much limited public play areas there are for kids? They were breaking no rules, and were kind enough to check on your daugther and make sure she was OK.
I am sure they didn’t think you were abusing her, because you have eyes.
And also, you are an adult, they are 12….try talking to them, surely your communication skills don’t just extend to “go away”
Kids are cool, they get it. Also, if you asked them, hey do you mind if we use the slide a few times, so she can get it out of her system, and then we are gonna head out….I guarantee you the kids would say OK, based on everything you said about them in the story.
Paragraphs 😆
I think you are making way too much of this. And why do you even care what kids think of your parenting?
Most likely they were trying to be helpful.
When you have a little one the older ones seem a bit clueless and aggressive but they are typically just being kids.
> I ask them what they want and they basically asked if she was okay but in a way that insinuated that I was the one putting her in danger. I was basically fuming at this point and told them in curt Japanese … “go away”
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Two people wanted to make sure that a 2 year old was ok and you’re … angry? So, would it be better if nobody does anything to help next time your little 2 year old is kicking away a stranger that is trying to pick her up and walk away with her?
Get a grip. The 2 people were just making sure everything was ok.
I am with you 100% on this matter of older kids in the park kicking balls around my younger kids or hitting baseballs without a care in the World. It is a good thing that the kids are doing outdoors things instead of being robots at home glued to video games and YouTube. However, they should be old enough to have manners when younger kids are using the park. Some parks we have been to have signs that say the ages that are allowed to play on certain equipment. That didn’t prevent much older kids from running up and down them though.
This is a learning situation for you. Try not to get flustered when your child is mid tantrum. Be as calm as you can. If you seem angry the kids will worry for your daughter. In addition unless it’s written somewhere, parks are for everyone. Best of luck
Ooofff the entitlement in this post