Hello! I am an American living with a Japanese host family, quickly approaching the end of my time here in Japan :’). My host family has been exceptionally kind and generous, especially considering that I have a disability that they have been more than willing to accommodate.
I know that tipping is considered rude at restaurants and such, and that most Japanese will refuse gifts on principal. However, this family has gone above and beyond for me and I feel that I’ve required much more help than their typical international students. Due to stomach and temperature regulation issues, I feel like I’ve likely used more water and energy than they would expect.
Would it be rude to leave extra en in a thank you card on my last day? Or should I just stick to a very gracious note? I know they would say no if I verbally offered, but regardless of if they need it, I feel like they deserve it!
Thanks for the advice!
26 comments
You should buy them a gift of some sort. If you are not mobile or do not have time, you can order one through Yodobashi Camera—if you’re in Tokyo, delivery is free—or another online service.
Probably should get some gifts like chocolates or some sort. Giving money like tips aren’t a norm in Japan and I wouldn’t say it’s rude but it might be a little awkward
>most Japanese will refuse gifts on principal
Money gifts, sure, but gift giving in situations like this is really popular.
It’s not the money but the effort displayed in the gesture. Carve them out a fountain from aged wood that you cut down.
write a letter and get some gifts
I don’t think money would be appropriate. If I were you, I would probably go with a thoughtful card/letter and a gift in the neighborhood of Y3000. I feel like that’s about the right amount to show you’re sincere without obligating them to reciprocate, especially if it’s a consumable gift (nice snacks, flowers, etc).
Speaking from past experience – a Japanese friend appreciated a musk melon. They’re quite expensive and is usually reserved for celebrations but he gave so much of his time for us so we just had to make the gesture.
Give them a gift. No a tip.
I wouldn’t give them money or gift cards. Like everyone else said best would be a gift. If you don’t think that’s enough you can always send them gifts from your home county. With delicacies and brands you can’t get here. Japanese people love stuff like that.
Not cash!! A nice gift (edible) and a thank you card would be appropriate.
If you think it can get here before you leave, I would recommend you asking your family to send a gift from your hometown. It will be more meaningful and something they can remember you by.
Money comes and goes. If you give them a gift that ends up on a shelf or something used often, they will remember the experience every time they see it.
As others have said, a gift rather than money.
Please don’t try to give money. Best thing is a personally chosen gift, maybe with a handwritten card expressing your thanks. They’ll be able to read it (or at least translate it) and it will mean a lot to them. You can also wait till you get home and send them something nice from your country – as pointed out here, they love regional delicacies or artisanal works.
A heartfelt note would be perfect, and a gift would be nice too.
IF you still want to give them some extra cash, there is a proper way to do it. You would need to put it in a nice envelope, and hand it to them while explaining that this was something extra to cover the additional expenses that they incurred for you. They will refuse it at least two times. If they refuse it a third time, don’t force the issue and take it back.
I got my host family (very different scenario for me but) a framed photo of us. We took a nice photo in front of some cherry blossoms which I had printed at around a 5×7 size. Then I had it professionally matted and framed. Since it was a group photo of two host families and two hosted students (the host families are very close friends) we wrote a short thank you on the frame. It turned out very nice.
Gifts are the better thing for showing appreciation in Japan, and it’s hard to go wrong with something like an expensive fruit or chocolate set. Do you know their favorite foods ?
for example, years ago the Japanese spouse of a friend of mine helped me out, and I ended up buying them a 2000 yen set of peaches in a wooden box. It sounds silly to nonJapanese sometimes, but it was clear they were really excited and appreciated the gift, versus my foreign friend.
Take that money, and everything you’ve learnt about them. Get home and go shopping for stuff that they’d like and then send it via the post
Buy a gift like food or snacks, money will be awkward or outright refused most likely.
Give a gift
in the Japan tradition, **no tipping, very brief note in nihongo of course yes. but spot-on gifts always o.k.** examples, does the *dansan* like a particular type of beer. send him a couple of cases via an online shopping service. does the *okusan* use a particular brand of condiment or such, send a supply via shopping services. look around the house and see what consumable items and brands are needed. dont mention your gifts in advance. set it to arrive just after you depart the homestay. just let it arrive. they will figure it and appreciate that you didnt put them through a bowing contest of thank-yous.
I have heard gifts before one leaves far away or returning home are normal to give to friends/family. Usually a more personalized gift per person ( i.e. Someone likes books you get them a book they have been wanting or a special bookmark if money is an issue- that kind of thing- though I am not Japanese I just know a few families)
Get them some fruit, or a gift you know they will use/like. Money is a bit off putting
Nice gift set sold at department stores / supermarkets, consisting of food / drinks
Gifts, not cash. Unexpected cash creates a sense of an imbalanced transaction.
I bet they’d be over the moon if you sent them something unique from your home area instead.
just leaving money sounds very rude and confusing thing to me.
if you truely feel needs of paying more money for their dedication then talk about it, there should be room for persuation if they also thought it was a burden.
but money feels temporary so writing letter and explaining how thankful your are the best, IMO