I feel like unless you are forced to communicate with each other, like being colleagues, then Japanese people just don’t know how to approach or start a convo with someone else, let alone a foreigner.
For example, in my home country, if you go to the gym regularly at the same time and see the same people, you naturally start talking to each other. Here in Japan, I’ve been going to the gym regularly since 2019 and see the same people at the same time and people just don’t talk to each other. The personal trainers working there are quite talkative though.
What do you think of Japanese peoples’ social skills?
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The younger generation is definitely super shy, I might say low levels of communication skills. However the ojisan obasan(especially the drunk ones) are super sociable
I think this is a ridiculous question, because you can’t encapsulate “Japanese peoples’ social skills” into one category like that. It varies from person to person, and regionally as well.
From what you describe, I’d guess that you are likely in the Tokyo area. The experience is very different outside of Tokyo. For instance, Osakans are relatively outgoing. This also gets them labeled as loud, coarse, etc., but they’re much more likely to interact with those around them in most scenarios.
Just add alcohol.
Personally, I’ve had a lot of people randomly start conversation with me since being in Japan. Tokyo/Yokohama & Hiroshima areas. But I think if you’re doing something (like working out), people are less likely to start conversation so they don’t bother you. I’m from the US but always hated that small talk from strangers, so it doesn’t bother me if people don’t strike up random conversation here lol
It’s so strange to imply Japanese people don’t have good social skills or “don’t know” how to approach people when it’s more a case that many don’t want to and it’s not a cultural thing to approach people.
I could easily flip this narrative and ask why people from your country don’t know how to mind their own business and keep approaching strangers to talk.
It’s not considered normal to strike up conversations with strangers in that context, especially in the cities. It’s nothing to do with social skills, it’s just the culture.
I can’t speak for a whole country but your question reminded me of an incident I had on my flight home last Christmas. An old lady in the airport asked if I was Dutch. I said no and she went on to say she was flying to Holland to meet an old friend, she said she wanted to make many Dutch friends and made bookmarks to give to people as an icebreaker. She gave me a bookmark and wished me a safe journey.
I was a little stand offish with her because I had been warned about cults in Japan that target foreigners this way and to be honest my own social skills are lacking. But there was no hook, she wasn’t recruiting for a cult or an MLM or some church group, she just wanted to make friends with every person she met on her dream holiday to Amsterdam. I still have the bookmark she gave me, Its a reminder that most people aren’t trying to get something from you, most people are good people if you give them the chance.
Hey people around me don’t act like I want them to, let me write a jlife post “just asking a question” when really I’m trying to generalize an entire country.
>Here in Japan, I’ve been going to the gym regularly since 2019 and see the same people at the same time and people just don’t talk to each other.
I know! Isn’t it great!
I don’t go to the gym to talk to people. I don’t think this is a Japanese thing, it’s an annoying person thing.
Living in three different counties and going to its respective gyms regularly(including Japan), I don’t see a lot of stranger talking to other strangers. It’s probably normal in bigger cities?
That said, it’s pretty ignorant/ close minded to generalize a whole country to not have social skills based on your own personal views haha
I’ve seen plenty of sociable Japanese people in many contexts (albeit way more social than me sometimes and I come from a rather “social” country as OP might put it).
Maybe take a look around you a bit more and really see the country as it is.
I took group classes such as aerobics and yoga at my local gym and it was common for people to strike up a conversation but never at the machines where people did their own thing.
If you want to talk to them, why don’t you start a conversation? Not everyone has that in mind to start a conversation with people around them without specific reason, but most people will welcome a greeting or an invitation for conversations (not in a creepy way), especially if you’ve been known around there.
Speaking to strangers for no reason has nothing to do with social skills. I’d argue that you wanting to speak with strangers means you have bad social skills, Since in most countries around the world that’s weird.
I agree about the gym thing. But after a while, I have actually made friends with some people at the gym. The inevitable “I don’t go to the gym to talk to people” mentality is always gonna spring up, but it’s important to note that a lot of us enjoy every moment of being at the gym and sharing that passion with others. It’s the same thing as every other hobby.
At my gym I’ve made some friends, but it was always me who took the initiative, so I kind of agree with OP. These are people who seemed very much “in their own world”, but now they talk to me of their own accord and the weightroom has become a way less hostile and dead environment thanks in part to my efforts.
Definitely prefer Japanese culture to some of the more chatty cultures (US / India / Latin America – just from my experience). I do think being chatty is fine amongst friends but really don’t like being approached by or talked to by strangers. Might be because Northern Europe isn’t that keen on speaking to strangers either. So from my perspective they have good social skills as they know not to disturb others.
What you described sounds to me like a feature, not a bug.
All depends on your perspective.
Some of the Japanese people at my gym strike up conversations with each other. I imagine it depends on the person. I have seen fellow foreigners in the gym as well in the past and didn’t strike up a conversation with them, so it isn’t like it is reserved to Japanese people.
I agree with you OP, however I don’t think it has so much to do with social skills as it has to do with them not wanting to, and the difference in culture. I believe most Japanese I interact with on a daily basis are great socially. (Especially after a highball or two, but then again who isn’t. 🙂)
Let’s turn the tables: how come you don’t strike up a conversation with them or ask to work in a set? Some of my best friends come from my gym experience and they are both Japanese and foreigners. People are willing to talk, that effort just has to go both ways. Maybe they also think you don’t want to bothered?
As a Japanese person who has lived in both here and the US, and have a lifelong international school upbringing, I would say whatever downside common Japanese social behaviors have isn’t outweighed by the upside of American social skills. Americans are typically societally conditioned to “make stuff happen” to initiate anything, even for the smallest things, to get a reaction out of people and its very instinctive. They always have opinions and takes to things before they are ever exposed to it in real life (thanks, internet) and so it influences their actions in ways that you won’t see in Japanese people.
Even though the average Japanese person keeps to themselves and at times it can seem frustrating for Westerners who want to initiate a conversation, I very much appreciate the thoughtful gestures that Japanese people naturally have that most Americans will never have.
I think unless you’ve been dead fluent and socially interacting with more than one group of people for a few years, you probably don’t have enough actual info to comment. It’s not even a cultural thing of “people don’t like to talk to strangers”, if you can’t naturally pick up a conversation you probably aren’t actually able to gauge a person’s/people’s sociability.
I’m not gonna comment on your topic but I find your example funny. The gym was the first place that came to my mind when thinking of places you can talk to people after repeatedly seeing them at the same time. After a while, just drop a
“おはようございます”
“お疲れ様です”
And they always reply and almost always begin to respond.
The same as back home. Some are highly skilled others aren’t. Maybe people just don’t want to talk to you because you’re giving off a strange vibe.
I’m not from the US so striking a random conversation wirh a stranger without any actual goal like need for help or ask fld information sounds bizarre, awkard and uncomfortable to me. We just keep our shit to ourselves. It’s OK if you go to the same place with someone and want to become friends but if it’s in a line full of random people waiting for something then count me out. Some people are just busy with their thoughts and don’t want to deal with any external stimulus.
Now for a Japanese person probably multiply that weird awkward feeling by 10.
the regulars at my gym talk to me all the time… but most of my neighbors are a bit on the socially awkward level…