Hey everyone, I’ve been going back and forth about posting on here but I’m feeling lost and helpless and need some advice.
Yesterday I (32 F) got a lymphatic massage at a well-reviewed, non-sketchy-looking place in a good part of town with a masseuse who speaks English. It had tons of foreigners leaving reviews about high quality service, and I felt this would be a good place to start since my Japanese can only get me so far sometimes. The massage therapist was welcoming and professional in the beginning and asked about areas to focus on and avoid. I informed him I’m pretty tense in my neck and shoulders, and from my 15+ years of regular massages that often prompts someone to ask if the chest area would be okay to work on. It always involves work on the upper pecs and armpit areas since some key muscles attach there and can help open up posture. This therapist asked if the chest area was okay, to which I responded yes. Nothing more was said.
My massage went well, but near the end after turning around he lowered the towel covering my chest and revealed my breasts fully. I’ve never had this happen. I wasn’t sure if this was customary in Japan or with lymphatic massage, but typically my breasts are covered while the upper pecs are worked on. He then proceeded to massage my breasts for a while, in detail, touching my nipples and all. While I’m no massage therapist, none of this felt therapeutic nor circulation-inducing and felt just like someone fondling my breasts. The nipples thing made no sense to me. I absolutely panicked and froze in fear. We were the only ones inside the business and the door was locked from the inside. All I could think to do was finish the massage and get the hell out of there. I tried being open minded and not letting it get to me, but my gut was screaming at me that this wasn’t right. Near the end, after pulling the towel up over my breasts and working on my neck, he reached underneath the towel and felt my breasts and nipples again. I felt awful. I paid as soon as I could and bolted.
On my way home I started having a panic attack and by the time I got home I just fell into my husband’s arms and sobbed. This was not right. I convinced my husband not to go down there and confront him because his office is very isolated and if anything occurred, it would be the massage therapist’s word against my husband’s and he speaks very little Japanese. He instead called him to confront him and was only able to leave a message. The massage therapist then proceeded to text me and ask if it was really my husband. I blocked his number.
Where should I go from here? What can I do? From frequenting this subreddit for a while, I’ve learned the police are pretty useless and without a witness it would be a he said/she said situation. I also know he’d likely use the vague consent situation as reason for him not being in the wrong. I just want this man to be held accountable because I feel violated and don’t want this happening to any other women. I’ve been told leaving a negative review can also lead to retaliation. Am I just screwed here and left to sit in a daze in my apartment with no repercussions? I’d also please ask to leave victim-blaming comments to a zero as this is a sensitive topic and I’m feeling horrible.
Thank you in advance.
12 comments
I’m really sorry this happened to you. I don’t have any great advice on how you can handle this, but you didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
This is really upsetting to hear. I wouldn’t blame you for being too shocked to react. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Edit: my Japanese wife told me there’s a lot of news about this kind of thing so you should report to police. Although they won’t move against him, they will if there’s a pattern of behavior. She also recommends to only get messages from women and she’s also sorry you experienced.
[removed]
Is the masseuse the clinic owner? If not, I would first lodge a complaint with the clinic about the inappropriate touching.
At the same time, I would look into how to register a formal complaint with whatever regulatory group they are part of.
I’d also consider registering a complaint of molestation with the police. Abusing a therapeutic position in that way is pretty heinous. If he is doing that to a fully grown woman, he is likely doing it to younger people as well.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. That’s just awful no matter how you look at it.
The first and simplest question would be: is this a private practice or are there other masseuses and masseurs working at the same place? They would definitely want to know if a colleague was doing something like this, and they would want to take action.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels to freeze up in the moment because it happened to me on the train too… I suggest never going to that place ever again….
[removed]
Leave a review on a public place? You could warn other customers that this is part of the message. It shouldn’t be considered as attacking their business since this is apparently part of their service. Sorry this happened to you, it sounds gross. Hope you can get past this experience.
It sounds like this might just be a language misunderstanding, in Japanese the chest area will typically include the breasts while in English you would have to be more specific.
I think you should consider consulting with a lawyer at least once to find out exactly what the laws are and what action you can take. Obviously you shouldn’t have to spend any money as you were the one violated, but for your own peace of mind it may be worth it.
Police are not on your side and will do anything they can to avoid dealing with this kind of situation. It will be helpful to have a knowledgable Japanese person on your side.
This is definitely not okay, OP. I’ve had many massages living in Australia, Japan and Vietnam from many massage therapists – old, young, male, female. Various types and techniques. Never had my breasts touched or exposed. Closest was the sides of the butt/thigh, but that’s legit spots for specific muscles (and damn those muscles hurt so good getting done).
You were sexually assaulted. I’d check google reviews for any evidence it happened to others, but also 100% report it to the police.
[removed]