I’m (25F) an Aussie who is at a bit of a crossroads in my own life and I want to return home, but my partner of 4 years (28M Japanese) is really happy to stay/settle down here but is somewhat open to trying out living in AUS.
(Some background: I’m a student here who isn’t overly fulfilled by my experience at school and my overall lifestyle here, been here 4+ years).
The uncertainty surrounding whether or we will go back and if he will enjoy/stay is making it really hard for me to be “all in” with this relationship.
I want to hear your own reasons for wanting to stay or go and gain some perspective!
7 comments
Hello fellow Aussie!
I’m 32F and husband is 31M (Japanese National). We actually met in Sydney – he lived there for 10+ years and got permanent residency. But due to a career opportunity, we moved to Japan together for the past 5 years.
We’ve been discussing more seriously recently about staying or moving back (esp if we want kids). And ultimately, even though the main pro’s to move back is to be closer to friends/family/lifestyle, there isn’t the same opportunities for our business back in Sydney so we 100% wouldn’t be able to make the same amount of money – not to mention real estate and cost of living in comparison is just insane back home!
So for now, we’ve decided to stay put in Japan to push the business further even if it means my husband may lose his Aus PR. Japan probably never feel like “home” to us and we literally have no friends/family in our city (he was originally from Tokyo) but I think personally it’s worth it for us for the fulfilment we get from growing our business.
If you feel like your lifestyle in Japan hasn’t been the best experience and your partner is open to the idea of moving, its a no brainer to give it a try!
I have been here since 2015 and was slightly considering returning to Australia. I took a trip to Aus only a few months ago, flew to my hometown of the Gold Coast, spent a week there then flew to Adelaide, spent a few days there then took the Ghan to Darwin, few days there then flew to Cairns, few days there before coming back to Japan. So I got a good taste of what it was like to be back again, especially the week I spent back on the GC.
I wore a mask because I am so used to it here plus I really didnt want to get sick on holiday… This offended people so much that I had at least one person each day walk up and cough right in my face. Then getting around was a nightmare, I could see a shopping center from my hotel but it would take 15-20 mins to walk there because it could take literally 10+ mins for the lights to change to allow people to cross. Then there is the prices of everything…. Oh and the service.. On more than one occasion I needed to hunt down sales staff and butt into their conversation so I could get them to operate the register so I could buy something.
And the less said about little outback towns the better really, other than that I saw more guys waving dicks at trains than I ever wanted to.
But Australia is big. I have spent some time in melbourne and parts of that are better. Though you need the money to live there.
Japan seems a lot more free to me. I can chose to wear a mask if I wish, I can go out basically anywhere at any time with any amount of cash and not be robbed then told I deserved it for being there. I have literally left my house on a bicycle, cycled to a station, put my bike in a bag and half a day later I was cycling in a totally different part of the country. That is brilliant and cannot be done in Australia.
For me the air and sky were brilliant in Australia. Oh and the food. Everything else though is better here IMO.
I can’t afford to live there.
1) cost of living.
Hearing what my friends are paying for rent and all the recent rent increases and makes me never want to go back. Seeing lines of 50+ people for a single inspection looks stressful as hell and renters have pretty much 0 protection so you never know when you have to move again. Also almost none of my friends have been able to buy a house, maybe one or two couples bought an apartment not even in a good location. Paid almost a million dollars for something not even close to a station or near the CBD and they’re reliant on a car. Seriously what’s the point of buying an apartment in that case.
2) Australian culture of not giving a fuck
Australian people generally are pretty laid back which can be a good thing but I think they take it too far. Seriously trying to get tradies to show up on time or your package delivered properly shouldn’t be that difficult. My parents recently renovated their kitchen and the tiler cracked a few tiles and when my parents pointed it out he just didn’t give a fuck. Started saying my parents stepped on it while drying and tried to blame them. Then he just gave them the run around and refused to come fix it. Told him we wouldn’t pay the rest of the money and he still didn’t care. Say what you will about Japan but the people you hire generally come on time and if you point out a mistake they’ll fix it.
3) jobs
This is probably more specific to me but there are pretty much no jobs in my field so moving back would likely mean a career change which isn’t something I’m interested in doing right now.
That being said I still visit regularly and love going back, Australia definitely has some great aspects and I’m grateful to be born there. However whenever I go back I never feel like I want to come back permanently.
The cost and lack of rental properties in my hometown is the major factor keeping me in Japan atm.
Cost of living and AI research is bland af in Australia, and there is very little in the way of AI networking.
If your partner wants to try living in Aus for a while, then getting a working holiday visa before the cutoff of age 30 would be a good idea. Takes the pressure off having to worry about how to secure an actual work visa or go the spouse route. Plus puts a timer on the decision, which may help with making a choice. If he wants to do it he needs to do it in the next two years.
Be prepared to be shocked at how everything will seem to have doubled in price (partly it has, partly it’s just adjusting to how cheap Japan is compared to here).
If I had ended up with a Japanese partner, I would definitely want us to live in both countries for a while. That’s the great part about having a partner from somewhere else! In my case the boyfriend never got his shit together for the visa and I had to come back and that was that (this was when I lived in Canada).
You can always go back. I returned to Australia in 2008 the first time, and ended up living in Japan again twice more, in different capacities. Coming back gave me the chance to reskill putting uni on HECS, be closer to family, enjoy summer Christmas, get established in my career and bank enough Aussie bucks to take Japan holidays and feel rich, etc. Depending on what your career would be it might also benefit you to skill up here then you can go back to Japan with a ‘real job’ in a few years. Or put a Masters on HECS. It may be an expensive nanny state but you have nothing to lose by moving as you can always leave again if you or the partner just hate it.