No one is surprised that I left him. People know what he is.
Everyone I know is shocked that I tried to keep the working relationship going, but the thing is, I love my clients. I’m good at what I do and enjoy it. We started the business over fifteen years ago.
But just like the marriage, he was hell-bent on making everything as hard as humanly possible. Financially ruinous for me and impractical for everyone involved.
So, I quit. I’m not working the extra two months he demanded, but close enough. He’ll probably stop paying me at some point anyway, the salary that’s already less than half of what I was making.
It was just all so hard and showed every sign of heading for worse. Petty changes, ever more ridiculous demands.
Now, just like I’m being blamed for instigating the divorce, my customers are disappointed in me for giving up on my job. And I can’t explain everything, I just keep saying it got too hard. Like I have to tell my kids.
I’m gutted. I’m crying inappropriately. I let a little too much slip to special clients I consider friends, then I feel guilty, indiscreet.
I’m being attacked for saying I won’t train my replacement. I don’t have time and she’s completely unsuitable.
I need a job where I’m not scared to be in the building. Where my efforts translate directly into an adequate amount of money. That arrives in my account on the day it’s supposed to, without unexplained deductions.
This week sucks.
8 comments
He has to pay you for your work, at the very least. As much as your 基本給 is worth, anyway.
Money has a paper trail that is quite easy to follow.
I’ve kept up with your posts. Fuck that asshole. Let your kids come to their own conclusions. Getting out of this is going to be ugly. Staying would be uglier.
I’m a child of divorce. All the influence does is traumatize us. If you’re the decent person you claim to be, focus on doing what’s best for you. Wherever your kids end up, they will find their way back to you by virtue of you being who you are, and fuckface being who he is.
Know your rights. You’re entitled to your full pay if you worked. Keep a record of everything.
Sorry I’m confused. Are you also married to your boss?
Sorry to hear this, but happy to hear you’re making the move forward. Sounds like his reaction is about what could be expected given your previous posts, but don’t forget that you have some pretty serious leverage as well.
Remember that as regards the work situation, you still have the labour code backing you up. You can claim any salary owed going back two years, including unpaid overtime, power harassment, everything. You also only have to give two weeks’ notice – and presumably you have some vacation days booked up, so if you’ve got ten, you’re within your rights to simply walk away. He may be your spouse, but he is also still your employer and has all the legal responsibilities of an employer.
Also remember that in Japan, you’re entitled to 50% of assets in a divorce, and that includes assets that are solely in his name. The only things exempt are things that were entirely purchased with funds that were his before the marriage. Even if they were funded from his alternative revenue streams, you’re still entitled to half.
You also have a well documented DV case thanks to your counseling sessions and your police visits. Basic alimony in cases of DV ranges from 500K to 3 million yen, but there’s also compensation to be considered as well. This is calculated based largely on the disparity between the abusing partner’s income and assets and the abused partner’s, and the numbers can get pretty high.
The DV, and the fact that you have been the primary caregiver for most of their lives, also gives you a VERY strong chance at getting the kids – but you can also use the financial leverage to help with that.
And don’t worry about the kids no matter what happens! A couple of us were waiting for a friend in a pub in Ikebukuro one day a few years back, and there was an older fellow looking very nervous at the next table who asked if he could join us, as he was (as he appeared) a bundle of nerves. He was about to meet his 20 year old son who he hadn’t seen since the boy was 12 – his mother kept them apart after the divorce, and the boy had immediately gotten in touch after he turned 20 and they’d arranged to meet. The son came in, big hugs were had, and those two sat and talked and drank together for hours (a few rounds may have come from our table) and were already planning their next get together. Really heartwarming, and a reminder that kids will never forget their parents – even with one parent trying their best to make it happen.
Good luck, and really impressed that you had the strength to follow through. The next part isn’t easy, but when it’s over, you’ll be in a much better place.
Document document document. It sounds like he is breaking labor law. This sucks now but might be useful in your divorce process.
Sorry you’re going through this.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You’re unbelievably strong for pushing through and doing what’s best for yourself in such a difficult and constricted situation.
Whatever happens, you made the right decision leaving!
Good for you!
Once again, I’ll never get people like your husband (and there are a lot here). People that decide to just make everything unnecessarily painful and difficult when it doesn’t have to be. It was the main reason for me setting up my own business.