I found furry handcuffs and black eye mask in his backpack when I was looking for something else. He said he is keeping it as a favor for a friend who is cheating on his girlfriend (fact that I knew from before) and even forgot it was there. Would other Japanese guys do the same for his friends?Am I stupid if I believe him?
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Probably.
Probably. Do you keep (insert your choice of sex toys here) in your backpack as a favour for your female friends who are cheating on their boyfriends? It sounds insane because it is
Yeah, that’s a bad sign. Even if he weren’t actively cheating, he’s okay with covering for a cheater. Not a guy I’d want to marry.
Suppose someone is cheating on their partner, the last thing they would want to do is to let people close to them, or anybody in fact to know about their infidelity. Because they wouldn’t want people to go to their partner behind their backs with stories naturally…
Your partner’s explanation, though not entirely improbable, sounded a little bit unnatural to me… well, maybe it’s just me though, definitely not relationship advice:)
Unfortunately I can’t really answer your question, but I always think it’s unsettling how many Japanese people claim they themselves don’t cheat, however also say that the people around them apparently cheat. That, and most people here seem to have at least 1 experience about being cheated on.
he is just into animal furry stuff.
joke aside, absolutely no: asian men won’t open to each other on their secretive fetish unless they share girlfriend
I mean, it’s possible he bought them to surprise you with?
Yeah, he’s lying.
Lol, what the hell?
Now that’s a lie if I ever heard one.
Condoms I can believe depending on circumstances… but fluffy handcuffs combined with an eye mask?
Honest suggestion. He might be in to s&m or something? He goes to one of those places where people gets whipped or whatever? Don’t know if he’s that type but could happen.
I’m sorry but that’s such a bs answer that he gave you.
Even if he’s being honest, which he’s not, he’s helping a cheater cheat. Also, cheating is the norm in Japan, where marriages are seen as more of a social contract.
The fact that he’s supporting a friend who’s cheating on their spouse should be a huge red flag about how much they respect their relationship with you.
Either way he sounds like a big red flag.
He’s definitely cheating… take it from me.
girl, run
Oh dude. I’m sorry. Please do not get baby trapped with this guy.
Alright, I’m not going to push my morals on you like everyone else so let’s look at the facts.
Your question is “is my fiancé cheating on me?” the answer to that is: no one knows.
Your next question is “am I stupid if I believe him?” and the answer to that is: that’s a dumb question. Since no one knows whether or not he’s cheating we can’t say whether or not it’s dumb to believe him. Of course you’ll have the “omg but the chances that” yeah yeah, it’s weird that he has that in his backpack and it stinks of a lie but even if he is lying that’s not proof of cheating. He could actually be keeping it for a female friend and thought putting the blame on a male friend would put you at ease.
Again, this is under the pretext of him lying which we can’t confirm he’s doing. Bottom line is you’re stuck. You don’t have enough proof of anything. Best you can do is be careful. Stop trying to make a baby for now and look closely at his actions. If after time you feel like he was telling the truth then you can either forget it or confront him again.
Giving my experiences thus far, I’d set up a trap (I’m not a perfect human). Maybe have a female friend enter his dm or watch him as he unlocks his phone so I can check it later. If this is just a blip and not that concerning for you then I recommend just being careful.
It’s bullshit. As if his friend couldn’t possibly think of another way of hiding these items? Even a train station locker? Or just throwing them away? Lol
How old are these dudes, 17?? It’s ridiculous haha
Oh, I ask my friends to store my sexual kink related stuff all the time. Don’t you?!
Yes, he’s banging someone else and he most likely made up some story about his “friend” cheating to cover potential BS like this.
I can see this red flag from way over here.
Why you need reddit to verify this is beyond me.
I feel like this has to be a shitpost. Like…why are you with this person lmao.
Why would he keep those things for his friend? If he values his relationship with you, why take the risk that you see this and doubt him? Or risk the embarrassment that his backpack gets searched by the police and they see this?
I think he’s lying and that it’s time to leave him (and do an STD test). I’m sorry but this sounds too suspicious.
Yea that excuse is pretty sus not gonna lie lol
If he’s maintaining a relationship with you under the premise that it’s 100% monogamous then there’s no way around this.
Be cautious of potential gaslighting he might resort to, specifically taking advantage of the fact you aren’t from Japan and might be more likely to question your perception of what’s going on from a cultural perspective.
His claim that what he is doing (whether or not the items are actually his friend’s) is normal for Japanese men, is simply not true.
There is much higher risk for you in this relationship to begin with, because if a marriage doesn’t go well and you have kids, you’re then stuck in an international divorce situation. Shared custody wouldn’t be an option due to the international aspect but also Japan itself not having that as a concept in its own legal system.
So please, please consider all the risks and implications for you that could come from this. If this is a red flag for a couple of the same nationality, multiply that by at least ten in your case.
Sounds not so good.. I recommend getting tested for STIs to be safe
People who support cheating is a red flag for me.
1. If his friend’s gf knew your fiance was cheating on you, would you want her to tell you? I’m guessing the answer to that is, “yes”. Perhaps you should return the favor and let her know her bf is cheating on her. Don’t know her? Figure out a way to set up a double date, tell her in the bathroom.
2. Is your fiance cheating on you? Well, he clearly thinks cheating isn’t that big a deal because at least one of his close friends is a serial cheater. Your fiance (claims) that he’s not only okay with this, but is actively helping the guy cheat. Birds of a feather and all that.
3. Do you trust your fiance? Without trust there is no foundation for your relationship and you should not be getting married.
He’s cheating on you.
Classic teenager line when their parents find drugs. “I’m holding it for a friend…”
He’s cheating 100 percent.
Call off the wedding.
I won’t like someone who covers cheaters
Plot twist: Your fiance is his friend’s cheating partner
As someone else mentioned the part about ‘holding it for someone else’ seem to makes it less than believable. I mean we don’t know him but does that jive in any social universe you know him in? Other than that you really don’t know…i mean if he *was* playing around why even keep that shit, is he that dense? Who knows….whatever, if you don’t feel you’re getting a straight answer then I’d *strongly* advise against any more baby-making. Maybe tell him you had the cuffs and mask DNA-tested and see his reaction.
lol He could at least come up with a more believable lie.
What’s the normal dynamic with these affairs? Married man cheating on his wife with an unmarried women?
Remember: don’t settle only because they’re Japanese.
This is the land of cheaters. Mosdef cheating
Ok so this sounds familiar. I found condoms in the bag of my Japanese ex, he claimed his friend had given them to him as a joke (they weren’t even in a box). Eventually I found out he was cheating.
Follow your gut. But in my opinion people who cover for their cheating friends suck just as much and probably don’t see an issue with it. I personally have no tolerance for cheaters, but again, this is your life. What do you feel is the truth?
You confronted him about it.
He gave you an answer.
You doubt his answer. (Evidence: your post)
…
If you were asking before confronting him about it I would say to confront him about it.
But at this point if you still don’t believe his story, it’s a bad sign.
Marriage is all about trust. If you go in distrusting your partner, you will end up in divorce. Trust me.
So either believe your husband’s story, or break it off now before you get married.
If you break it off, try not to blame him, just say “I can’t trust you for some reason, and I can’t marry someone I can’t trust, sorry.”
Of course you can say “one of the things I don’t trust you about was the sex toy excuse, but regardless of whether you suddenly show me video evidence to convince me, the reason I’m breaking up is because I immediately jumped to doubting you, not because of whether you did something or not.”
Be careful though, breaking off an engagement can result in a civil law suit to sue you for damages in the event that him or his family have put money towards a house or marriage ceremony that is non-refundable etc.
> handcuffs and black eye mask
Maybe he’s a vigilante hero.