So I started a new job where majority of my interactions are with the team in Japan (who are all Japanese). I wanted to be mindful of their culture so whenever I interact with them I use the “San” at the end of their name.
Initially, they would also address me and use the “San” at the end of my first name. But lately I’ve noticed that they’ve dropped it and just call me by my name…which was fine with me however, they still use the “San” when addressing my boss.
I’m not sure what to make of this, and I’m wondering if they don’t like me… 👉👈😫.
Thoughts?
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/15cq6ne/japanese_colleagues_address_me_differently_than/
17 comments
It’s actually more casual and friendly. I think it’s a good sign
When you become a closer part of your coworker force the San can get dropped because you’re “a friend” San stays for the boss because they are above you.
I don’t know if it’s still expected but anyone that’s been there longer than you, unless they directly say something are still San to you as well because they are “senior” but I don’t know how modern that thought is these days..
Also if this is a shitpost. I got whooshed.
Is your boss a foreigner too?
Some Japanese think it’s cooler to drop the “san” with foreigners. Makes them feel more “globalized” I guess.
Yes, it happens. I was in the similiar position when I was volunteering in Japan a few years ago. There was a japanese girl who was also a volunteer like me, but she was addressed with suffix, I was just my first name. I think it’s what they would do with foreign names. It had nothing to do with our age, or seniority as everything was the same about us, just the nationality was different. It happened multiple times during my stay.
Nah that’s a good thing.
They are just displaying that they are comfortable with you and are trying to adapt to your culture.
They don’t know what to do. Tell them once and you’re set. And then you can be a dick later if you want to.
just to be clear, are you communicating in English or Japanese?
They’re being less respectful to you (not in a bad way!) and keeping the respect with your boss. It would seem they want a more casual relationship with you
first name without san means casual approve, also how long is your first name? If it is not one vowel first name then they take out the san because too long.
For the boss, if he is japanese and address him purely by name without san is absolutely disrespectful. You will get bashed if do that, cuz they only do yobisute saying one name without suffix for their enemy
It is part of Japanese culture to speak differently when talking to equals, superiors, or inferiors in the social hierarchy (use of different verbs, use of -san, -sama …). Japanese society is very hierarchical, and I think this goes very deep in the culture.
Just as an example, when children enter junior high school, there are very strict rules in how they should address older students, and I think those rules are enforced by some bullying if needed. Also, typically, when they join, say, a tennis club, they will not play the first year, just clean the court, gather the balls and generally be servant to older students… as they are not senior enough.
While I think that generally, Japanese people will be careful when interacting with foreigners (and are often not able to translate in English the subtleties of Japanese), they may indeed make a difference in the way they interact between you and your boss, it is nothing personal, just the normal way for them to behave. I suggest that you do not worry too much.
I think it depends, generally it’s a good thing, but sexism absolutely exists. I was chair of a department in university 学科長. In a meeting with the dean and another chair, the dean referred to my male coworker as 先生, while I got the diminutive ちゃん. However, this was an old dude well known for being a bit of a sexist prick. Called me “honey” a bunch as well.
So I guess it depends on the feeling you’re getting from your coworkers. It’s likely that they believe that foreigners prefer using just their first names with no suffix. But if it’s a bunch of old dudes and you’re the only woman, it could be a bit of sexism. Again, depends on the environment.
San is just being polite. They don’t say that to everyone all the time. They say it to bosses and people they just met. I think of San similar to Mr or Mrs. You might say Mr Robertson the first few times you worked with him, but after a while you’d talk to him by his first name. I’ve also heard them use the term Chan after a name for someone they consider a close friend. You might hear that eventually too.
I was going to comment something completely different but then I just saw your comment where you said you are doing all the communication in English, in that case this is a moot point. *If* you were communicating in Japanese with your team in Japanese and they start calling you without -san or similar, that’s not cool. It’s called yobisute 呼び捨て and would get you in trouble in an average work environment if you were not of a sufficiently higher social rank than the person you’re addressing. Slight bending of the rules if you’re the one visible foreigner in the group (this doesn’t usually extend to anyone who is asian) and you kind of get the mascot treatment.
However, if I’ve read this right and you’re not Japanese and not communicating in Japanese to your Japanese coworkers, then there’s no problem here. It’s a cute touch addressing your coworkers with -san but while communicating with them in English they should be more than comfortable being addressed without the suffix. Likely in the beginning when you started interacting with them and using -san they did the same to be friendly or in a kind of being more friendly/polite than usual to start this off (as in most business settings, Japanese business culture favours good first impressions).
Probably the most straightforward and reasonable explanation for the change is that for Japanese speakers, English speakers do not expect to be called -san. It’s not an English term and in Japanese schools the English text books will have characters being called “Adam” and “Mary” not “Adam-san” and “Mary-san”. Similarly they would not expect you to use any other keigo with them.
If you’re put off by it I’m sure you can ask them to call you with -san at the end, but it’ll probably come off at best eccentric, if not pretty weird.
The same way you are trying to adjust to their culture by adding さん they are attempting to adjust to your culture by removing it.
I am a Japanese who work in North America. I still have hard time addressing my colleagues or whoever I know with just first name basis, especially if they are older than me or have higher status (my supervisor/boss, teachers, etc.). I know it is stupid but I feel very rude doing so. I only address them with their first name only when I feel really close and safe. So I think it is a good thing they are now dropping “san”
It probably means exactly the opposite; that they see you as an equal & friendly. Don’t worry about it!
From what little I understand, people addressing you without making use of any type of honorific is a sign that they’re familiar enough with you that they don’t need to add it. It’s kinda the same as addressing you as “-kun”, but even more familiar?
Edit: how this translates to the corporate world, I don’t know. From what I’m seeing in comments, familiarity among workers and bosses is a big no-no in the corporate hierarchy of Japan apparently.