I’ve been thinking about moving to Japan for a while now. I have some chronic illnesses (mostly digestive system related and the consequences of them) and I’ve noticed when I’m in Japan, it’s a lot better. The food is a lot more tolerable for my stomach and I don’t feel as ill here as I do at home. Water always being able to get etc are also helping a lot.
Basically it would be good for my health to move here.
However there’s just something I can’t get over. I’ve heard some people blaming this on “it’s another culture” but truly I don’t think it’s culture related and saying it is is rude to the rest of the Japanese that don’t act in this way.
I’ve spent about 5ish months here collectively and idk if I’m just extremely unlucky or what
It’s the old men here. Not all but a bigger amount than you’d expect. I come from a country I’ve never even been looked at creepily but here it happens everyday. They look u up and down and smile in this weird pervy way, they “brush upon you” when walking by. They stare for prolonged periods of time. It’s a very icky feeling I’m definitely not used to. It’s mostly like 40+ year olds too.
Not only that but they truly think they have authority over you as well? Due to my illnesses I have a “handicap card” (it’s issued by my country tho I want to make that clear so no misunderstandings happen). On the subway it’s just simply better for me to sit down because of a number of reasons that aren’t that relevant to the story. But if there’s no other seat I sometimes sit in the priority seats. Ofc I wouldn’t sit there if I notice someone that might need it more tho.
Anyways, a good amount of times old men has come up to me to tell me I can’t sit there. Not kindly mind you, but incredibly aggressively. Like pointing at the priority thingy aggressively and making angry noises for example. All of the times however this has happened, there’s been empty seats? In the priority seats too? Sometimes I’ve pointed at the picture showing “hidden disabilities” (the one with the heart thingy) when I know I would throw up all over the place if I stood up. Sometimes I just stand up cause they just won’t stop pointing or talking. I just don’t understand? There’s literally empty disability seats?
One time an old man forced me to move but then didn’t mind 3 young healthy looking foreign dudes sitting there 2 mins later.
Am I just very unlucky? Will this get better if I move here? Is there a way to handle these types of situations? Any answer is appreciated cause I do really love Japan and that it just makes me feel physically better and the majority of people I’ve met are wonderful.
TLDR:
I love Japan, my physical health is a lot better when I spend time there cause it’s good for my chronic illnesses. However old men keep on bothering me and I don’t know how to handle it, pls help
12 comments
This is a copy of your post for archive/search purposes.
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**Considering moving to Japan but one thing is stopping me, advice?**
I’ve been thinking about moving to Japan for a while now. I have some chronic illnesses (mostly digestive system related and the consequences of them) and I’ve noticed when I’m in Japan, it’s a lot better. The food is a lot more tolerable for my stomach and I don’t feel as ill here as I do at home. Water always being able to get etc are also helping a lot.
Basically it would be good for my health to move here.
However there’s just something I can’t get over. I’ve heard some people blaming this on “it’s another culture” but truly I don’t think it’s culture related and saying it is is rude to the rest of the Japanese that don’t act in this way.
I’ve spent about 5ish months here collectively and idk if I’m just extremely unlucky or what
It’s the old men here. Not all but a bigger amount than you’d expect. I come from a country I’ve never even been looked at creepily but here it happens everyday. They look u up and down and smile in this weird pervy way, they “brush upon you” when walking by. They stare for prolonged periods of time. It’s a very icky feeling I’m definitely not used to. It’s mostly like 40+ year olds too.
Not only that but they truly think they have authority over you as well? Due to my illnesses I have a “handicap card” (it’s issued by my country tho I want to make that clear so no misunderstandings happen). On the subway it’s just simply better for me to sit down because of a number of reasons that aren’t that relevant to the story. But if there’s no other seat I sometimes sit in the priority seats. Ofc I wouldn’t sit there if I notice someone that might need it more tho.
Anyways, a good amount of times old men has come up to me to tell me I can’t sit there. Not kindly mid you, but incredibly aggressively. Like pointing at the priority thingy aggressively and making angry noises for example. All of the times however this has happened, there’s been empty seats? In the priority seats too? Sometimes I’ve pointed at the picture showing “hidden disabilities” (the one with the heart thingy) when I know I would throw up all over the place if I stood up. Sometimes I just stand up cause they just won’t stop pointing or talking. I just don’t understand? There’s literally empty disability seats?
One time an old man forced me to move but then didn’t mind 3 young healthy looking foreign dudes sitting there 2 mins later.
Am I just very unlucky? Will this get better if I move here? Is there a way to handle these types of situations? Any answer is appreciated cause I do really love Japan and that it just makes me feel physically better and the majority of people I’ve met are wonderful.
TLDR:
I love Japan, my physical health is a lot better when I spend time there cause it’s good for my chronic illnesses. However old men keep on bothering me and I don’t know how to handle it, pls help
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Hello. I’ve had a foreign friend who was treated badly in Japan, apparently when he moved to Sapporo, the people were much more kindly there. Maybe it’s a matter of a place. Did it all happened in Tokyo?
Big cities breed crazies and frustrated people. You could move to a smaller town with a sense of community? People are very relaxed in the countryside
Kyoto doesn’t really like outsiders. They’re not as friendly
I can agree that Japan helps with my digestive issues but I’ve noticed it’s because I eat less fiber and more rice, like a lot more rice. Also I’m pretty sure it’s the “vacation effect” or so to speak, I’m happier there cause I love Japan more than my country but I’ve never had to actually live in Japan like a proper adult. I’ve only spent 3 months studying online while living with my boyfriend there so far.
This same effect happened to me in the UK way back. Had no issues during vacations but moved there for university and all the problems followed me.
When I move to Japan… Who knows what it might be like? Especially if I try to maintain a similar healthier diet (less rice, more fiber, etc). Also having a job and needing to handle life in Japanese?
Just something to keep in mind.
As for the rest of your post:
Old man staring… My Japanese boyfriend probably protected me from that cause it happens in my home country a lot 😅 I’ve had it happen once or twice tho.
My boyfriend also told me it’s best not to sit in the priority seat cause people get iffy whether it’s all empty or not. He’s seen people going especially after tourists who they believe have no idea what they are doing. They just need a visible disability or some marking that tells of an invisible disability in order to be allowed. No problem when it’s Japanese people sitting there though… I think it’s ridiculous. 🤦♀️ This is only in Tokyo.
My biggest issue with Japan is how some of the younger women, including those who aren’t even a 2/10 on a good day, complain about people “staring” at them whenever someone just happens to glance in their direction for ~1 sec in a public space.
I’ve lived in Japan for 5 years (24F) and if you’d like to hear my honest experience feel free to DM me 🙂
I’m really sorry about that.I’m 4’11 and went to high school in Japan and still I only remember having one or two occasions of something like that happening to me, so it wasn’t a common thing at all.
Maybe there is something about you that ” tells” them that you’re an “easy prey”.I have a friend that got a stalker in just working a few months here.She’s very quiet, shy and she isn’t fluent in japanese.And she has had a few guys coming up to her and catcalling her or doing something disgusting like people are doing to you.That’s terrifying.But I noticed that they go to her, not to me, because even though we have a similar appearance she has that quiet vibe that they can tell she won’t scream/call the cops/ have a big reaction and that if they do this to me,I definitely will.
Unfortunately the advice I have to give is to walk confidently and like you’re not paying attention to the environment and completely ignoring those guys( looking at them with full disgust when stare at you also works) .Also, I noticed that wearing “foreign clothes”(very tight, showing shoulder) usually attracts that kind of creep.It’s terrible to have to do those things in order to avoid them but for now I’d rather be safe than sorry 🙁
If I can help with anything else, feel free to DM me.
Go get a red “help mark” card from the disability
section at city hall or figure out which train lines distribute them. It’s free and you don’t need proof that you need it. That way, if someone tries to get you that you can’t sit in priority seats, just show that to them.
I think you need to learn how to express your condition in Japanese.
I’ve lived in Tokyo for over a year (and spent several months here as a tourist before) and, because of where the train lines up with the stairs at my station, often find myself in the ends of train cars. I’m not great with the heat, so I usually look for a seat, and that frequently ends up being the priority seats. Never have I had someone get angry at me for sitting there, though. That being said, I do always offer up my seat to elderly people, people with a cane, people with young children, or people with the red tag.
Another person mentioned it in their comment, but I wonder if you look like “easy prey”. Are you particularly small? Racial minority (other than white)? Dressed differently? I saw in your post history that you might have some degree of autism; perhaps you look guilty, shy, or shady because you have difficulty with eye contact?
As for old dudes checking you out: people look at people. Unless they’re actually abusing you somehow, just ignore them. Being a foreigner here means you stand out. Your skin, eyes, hair, and fashion could all be traits that people are not used to seeing very often. My wife is a ginger, for example, and she gets loads of attention especially outside of Tokyo. I can say in my experience, fashion plays a big part – now that my wardrobe is mostly things I bought in Japan, and I coordinate my outfits similarly to how Japanese women do (except the shoes because my refrigerator feet can’t fit in anything here), the looks I get have subtly changed.
Tokyo is weird, I love it. If you have issues please consider to move in a smaller town