So I have been taking Japanese at my college after work and whoa was I wrong about how difficult its actually going to be. I am struck with a lot of fear and anxiety as its really nothing like I’ve ever done. I did learn a language before by by own, and in some ways I have mostly learned English pretty much on my own. But even though I have a very good teacher, I am surrounded by people who are doing the same (so very different to self learning) I am struggling to keep my head above water.
The class is made up of a diverse group of people with varying degrees of prior understanding of the language, and it overwhelms me as I can barely write a sentence in hiragana, and then there are some who are learning 50 kanjis a day. I definitely feel a little slow and that might actually be me being exceptionally slow in general, or just my work sucking the life out of me.
Sometimes our sensei will try to connect a concept to basic English grammar, and even then I struggle as my English grammar sucks, so I have to look up English grammar as well from time to time. Jesus I feel stupid somedays, its like watching a video at x2 the speed trying to retain everything. Also, due to some personal situations my time for studying at home is receding like my hairline.
I don’t know what really is the point of my post, its basically a rant “I can’t do this” I suck at that”. I know I signed up for it and I knew it was gonna be difficult. I set my self up to do this, so that when I visit Japan next year or a Japanese person, or family (I meet them often due to my work) I could at least hold a conversation even if I talk like a toddler. I want to be able to at the very least be able to read a Japanese newspaper or a pamphlet, or a brochure or something. I was also planning on taking the N2 or N1 exam next year but I don’t think I can make it that far in just over a year. I don’t know why I thought this would be easier, I just got the rug pulled from underneath, this would require some serious efforts and I am not sure how much I got left in the tank.
Sorry for the long rant. If you have anything to say, if anything at all, be it just be a simple advice, or you want to elaborate how much of lazy ass I am being feel free to drop by. I guess I needed to get this out its been weighing on me for a couple of weeks now. Thanks