I always wanted to learn Japanese since I was little, and have so many things I would love to enjoy in the language.
But I think I messed up by taking a Japanese class in the beginning of my learning journey; because **all the worksheets, timed assignments, and tests made me associate Japanese with the painful grind of school.**
I’ve long since left the classes behind, and now I try to engage only in media I’m interested in reading and listening to, stuff that looks fun. But even before I start reading, or as soon as I pick up the book or see the title, it feels like I’m about to take a test. Like the book or game or whatever it is, is a test. There’s this feeling of pressure I get, that I’m going to be judged for my performance, and I have to get every word right or read as perfectly as possible and if I don’t, I’ve failed.
And when I start reading, even though I am able to read most words, I find myself going through each sentence very carefully to the point of almost straining, hoping I don’t get anything wrong or see anything I don’t know. And when I inevitably do see something unknown (even if the book is easy and it only happens once or twice per page), I feel discouraged.
It makes me upset that I learned to associate Japanese with test-taking and being graded instead of just having fun. It’s like those associations have sucked the fun out of the experience for me, no matter how much I learn or how relatively easy the media actually is.
Have any of you had this kind of feeling before with Japanese, due to having taken classes, or maybe some other reason (like a pre-existing habit of perfectionism)? **How did you fix it and learn to just have pure fun with the language, in a totally relaxed and stress-free way?**
Thanks for reading and I’m looking forward to any helpful advice or even just comments from those who can relate.