**Disclaimer, I’m fully aware of the can of worms I’m potentially opening with this thread, and of the absolute bait it may appear to be. I want to make clear in advance that I don’t hate it here, I don’t think “all Japanese people are racist”, and that I’m just curious of other people’s takes. On to the topic at hand.**
I live in a rural part of Fukushima, and recently my job has moved me to the front lines of dealing with customers (the majority of which are elderly, 65+ y/o). I got used to the endless “nihongo jouzu”, funny looks, and all the other usual stuff as an ALT, but now I’m getting all of this to a much higher degree and frequency due to the job shift. The extreme cases being one woman audibly gasping and clutching her chest exclaiming 喋った！(He spoke!) when I welcomed her, and one man turning to my Japanese colleague and asking, in Japanese, if he (myself) speaks /English/. This man did not, in fact, speak English, so I’m not even really sure what his end goal was.
On top of work, I recently got married and my wife’s family are all fairly deep onto the extreme side of the “I’ve never met a foreigner before, what should I do” spectrum, which I think is adding to the stress of it all.
It’s starting to wear on me and I can feel myself slowly losing my patience, so I’m curious how you all deal with this? It’s starting to feel like I’m not a person but a prop, or a rare animal sighting, and who I am as a person is irrelevant. Help me out here folks.
33 comments
Give it a decade or two. You’ll get over it.
I mean there’s two kind of gaijin.
The kind that learns to just not give a crap.
And the kind that goes back home.
That’s all folks 😂
Embrace it!
If you can’t control it, why worry about it? You do your thing and let others worry. These are all teaching moments in life, and being a teacher about yourself and your country is part and parcel of living abroad anywhere. You can be be annoyed or see the opportunity to make a small difference in perception.
How do I deal with it? It doesn’t really bother me. There’s nothing inherently wrong with what they are doing, they just aren’t used to dealing with people like you. Embrace it and have fun.
No offense, but what did you expect?
I just ignore it. There’s nothing you can do to make it stop so…
“A rare animal sighting”. This is quite good. It do be like that sometimes.
I don’t know. It’s mainly their issue. If grown people want to act so ridiculous, let them. Japan is a homogeneous place and people aren’t exactly world travelers. Not much you do to fix it to be honest.
Level up your Japanese, make deep conversations with every single person you meet, and they’ll have no choice but to accept you.
Hang in there!
I’ve never lived in Fukushima so I don’t know the exact severity of the situation but I’m sure you will get used to it in the sense that it’ll stop bothering you, and one day maybe even start appreciating it.
I just went to Nagasaki for a few days and each time I find it baffling how not used to foreigners some people are. Most middle-aged people are OK but it’s mostly kids (a gaijin standing in an elevator? Let’s take the next one papa!) and old folks (endless Nihongo jyozu)… I bet Fukushima is even more severe. 😅
The important thing to remember is that it’s not out of malice, 99% of the people mean it well. Yes, even the “the monkey can speak!” comments. These folks have unfortunately been brainwashed with Nihonjinron and have never been given the opportunity to entertain the possibility that non-Japanese people can speak Japanese.
I just came up with a super short set of sentences to explain why I speak Japanese (I am haafu etc.) and sometimes I just crack jokes (Nihongo muzukashii yo!) to break the ice. It’s all good. And hey, I use the gaijin card whenever I feel like it. I mean, I like how I am ignored by people handing out flyers and tissues. It has its advantages.
You cannot change the world, and you only have very limited power in educating and changing the perception of people around you. Expecting things to become “easier” will most likely only lead to frustration.
And even though you cannot change your feelings, you can change how you act upon those feelings. I hope you can come up with an easy strategy that works for you.
If it reaaallly bothers you, one option is to move to a less inaka place. I know folks that fell out of love with the countryside and moved to Tokyo to enjoy their lives in anonymity. I have to admit it was refreshing to live in Tokyo. I’ve rarely been Nihongo jyozud there.
You can DM me anytime if you wanna vent. Take care!
Are you expecting an answer other than “be nice and get used to it”?
Once you grow up, have a family and a full time job with responsibilities, there is way more important/interesting stuff going on in your life that you simply stop caring about what strangers think about you.
Just don’t react and act like you didn’t hear or just a まだまだです。おかげ様で then continue your speech or conversation. The more you give a shit the worst you will feel.
In my opinion… echoing the top comment, people who aren’t comfortable with being “the gaijin” simply shouldn’t live here.
It’s never gonna change in our lifetimes, so I think you may as well embrace it, sometimes play into it, even use it to your advantage tbh 🙂
Just play the “foreigner card” to your advantage. Congrats, you’re another foreigner in Japan who has to deal with sticking out like a sore thumb. Welcome to Japan Life!
Just own the fact you’re different. Be an ambassador for your country and culture.
Humor is the answer.
Wear a Nihongo Jouzu pin at all times to preempt questions. If they ask anyway, point to the pin.
Just accept that your like a rare Pokémon now
There’s such a huge difference in this sort of thing depending on what area you’re in. I used to live in Hokkaido, got a lot of stares and comments similar to yours. I started out as an English teacher, and every week I’d have a student come in with a story of how their mom’s half-sister’s friends’ cousins’ tennis coach’s brother’s dog walker’s third cousin twice removed saw me while I was out buying groceries. Felt like I was constantly under a microscope, always being watched. It had some occasional advantages, but fairly small ones, and a lot of disadvantages.
Now I’m on the outskirts of Tokyo, and that sort of thing is pretty rare, making it far easier to just… exist.
I wish they would treat me like ‘the gaijin’. I have to keep reminding the people around me that I’m a foreigner and their rules don’t always apply to me.
Unless you find offensive behavior or mistreatment due to you being a foreigner, it is better to let it slide with a どうも and keep on with your life, it is not worth it.
Better put your cognitive resources where it matters: your job performance, your family, friends and hobbies.
I’m kind of glad I had shitty poor parents who raised me with the “No one gives 2 shits how you feel” parenting style. I think it prepared me for life. I have absolutely no problem being the gaijin. Don’t need or want anyone’s acceptance.
Hi mate, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s a legitimate feeling and its a lot to deal with day in day out
Do you mind me asking your age, if you’re caucasian and where you’re from? If you don’t want to say it’s ok! The thing is, I ask because I reckon caucasian presenting folks have a harder time dealing with this here because unlike other folks they haven’t had a lifetime of it to practice and get made numb to (Yes, that sucks, yes you shouldn’t have to do it that way buttttt….)
For the first time for many caucasian folks people coming here they’re in a position where they’re genuinely considered “the minority” both in a communal and a systematic sense. Of course this can extend to other ethnic groups as well but I reckon it’s most clear for caucasian people in Japan
And it sucks! Because you haven’t had it from day one it’s harder (I think) to brush it off
For context I’m Indian presenting but not from India. I grew up in a country where there was a constant contention about the presence of Indians. I then moved to Australia for most of my 20s and it was a lot like what you’re describing now (Especially under a very conservative government!). I’ve had my english tested at least 8 times! They even were going to make me do it after my admission as a Solicitor in NSW!
For many folks like me, what you describe is a day that ends in Y save we’ve had the “benefit” of developing resilience and coping strategies in a very formative part of our lives where it’s a bit (generally) easier to do
So what can you do?
Firstly, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.
It’s very easy to get angry at others for this ignorant (And yes it is even if it’s a culturally common construct) and that will likely isolate you further. Like many of us, you might direct that anger inwards to worse effect, I think the risk is greater if you’re as isolated
Schedule nice things for yourself that are easy to do and that make you feel better. Not only does this help you recover but puts you in a good headspace to deal with it well
Secondly, something I read once was “For those of us who look like devils, we must be devilishly charming”
It’ll be your actions that you’ll get noticed for and unfortunately a lot of the worst will likely be attributed to your race or outsider “status”. Not intentionally often but it’s there
Compliments are a good way to start (I work on learning these alongside my usual Japanese). Simple actions of consideration like opening a door, gift giving, remembering something about someone as small as their name, It’ll take time but eventually people will focus on that – we WANT to focus on nice things. Again, you likely won’t fully be accepted (If your idea of normal is the goal) but you’ll be looked at for other things first and foremost
And please all, don’t at me something offensive and naive like “being a dancing monkey” or “doormat” – life’s wider than and hits harder against the shallow rebel don’t give a f archetype. Much more than the shallow convinient fantasy that you see in the movies. Particularly in Japan.
Edit: Spelling etc
I doesn’t bother me, I *am* “The Gaijin.” One look at me, my body type and hair, and it’s obvious I’m “not from around here.” Japan is home to a lot of insular communities who’ve never traveled outside of Japan, who rarely even visit the big cities. Especially if it’s countryside and their town doesn’t even have foreign workers nor tourists, you can’t really expect more of them. After a while though people in your circle get used to you.
But if you really can’t stand it, in my experience, the best thing to do is to move. Big cities with all kinds of tourists and foreign residents don’t tend to stare, nor do little kids yell Hallo! or anything, because foreigners are a dime a dozen and just a normal part of everyday life.
Yo….. that just sucks man. Sorry you have to deal with it. Best advice I can give is to surround yourself with people who treat you like a person (rather than zoo animal or prop) on a daily basis. I’ve been there. Sorry you have to deal with that crap.
It can be stressful and I’m not a big fan of people dismissing how you feel. I have a disabled kid and boy, we both get stared and pointed at. Once an old man remarked that this is the reason not to get married to a foreigner (I have to admit I lost my cool and screamed at him badly)
I don’t mind, I’ve always been an outlier in someway all my life.
I’m half-Mexican, from USA, and I don’t speak Spanish. It’s easier here because at a glance, nobody expects me to speak Japanese since I am so foreign.
It’s not that bad. I think a few cashiers at my favorite grocery store are starting to recognize me, but they have probably figured out that my Nihongo is *very* limited. It’s fine.
The solution is to either stop giving any f#cks, or to move to a large city.
One fact many do not realize is, there are many Japanese who are essentially treated the same way as Gaijin but even worse in society for sticking out or being different despite being Japanese.
“xenophobic” does not adequately capture this phenomenon.
Non white gaijins born a broad have had to deal with this kind of stuff back home…..it’s actually much less racist here than back home….where I was born 🤣🤣
I live in a town area of 100,000 population but people don’t really give me the gaijin treatment
could be because of my Asian face yet i do gaijin stuff like wearing only “pelikat” (a southeast asian male skirt) to the supermarket and while riding a bicycle
you learn to just not care i guess and people will gradually get used to it
also helps that there is a national university nearby
since it is beyond your capacity to change the environment itself, the best way would be to adopt a ZEN outlook on things to filter out all the “gaijin” noise completely
Idk if it’s from the pandemic, but I started acting as “The Gaijin” if I feel the situation acts for it.
Which isn’t common.
One example is if I see people intentionally shoulderchecking pregnant women (saw it often to my coworker at Yokohama station), or if I see grumpy people rudely pushing strangers out of their way, I will say something. People watching are also less likely to give me side eye when I apologize later for causing a commotion, since as a foreigner of course I don’t know to stay quiet for the wa.
However, there are different levels of “The Gaijin” treatment I don’t like. The ‘befriending’ for free English lessons, the automatic assumption if a phone goes off on the train I get the dirty looks (I’ve kept my phone on silent since 2015).
I have to admit, as do I, that I have a hard time conversing with people I don’t know to be Japanese.
Japanese people still need to get used to communicating with people of different races.
I think that the perfectionism and fear of failure of the Japanese people create more distance between them and “GAIJIN”.
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This is further encouraged by the lack of opportunities to speak foreign languages, even though there are many opportunities to learn them.
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I have one suggestion, when the question arises,
With exaggerated gestures and hand gestures
“Why Japanese peopleeeeeee !!!!”
with a big gesture and hand gesture when a question arises.
(*This is a line often uttered by comedians that many Japanese know.
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This method cannot be used in business situations, but after that, you will be able to continue the conversation, albeit in insufficient English.